Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha:

A judge struck down New York’s limits on large sugary drinks on Monday, one day before they were to take effect, in a significant blow to one of the most ambitious and divisive initiatives of Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s tenure.

In an unusually critical opinion, Justice Milton A. Tingling Jr. of State Supreme Court in Manhattan called the limits “arbitrary and capricious,” echoing the complaints of city business owners and consumers who had deemed the rules unworkable and unenforceable, with confusing loopholes and voluminous exemptions.

The decision comes at a sensitive time for Mr. Bloomberg, who is determined to burnish his legacy as he enters the final months of his career in City Hall, and his administration seemed caught off guard by the decision. Before the judge ruled, the mayor had called for the soda limits to be adopted by cities around the globe; he now faces the possibility that one of his most cherished endeavors will not come to fruition before he leaves office, if ever.

New York City’s Transformation To Giant Corporate Event Space Finally Complete

In case you were wondering what the true purpose of municipal government is — serving its citizens or whoring itself for corporate donations — this should help set you straight:

As hundreds of thousands of Big Apple residents suffer in homes left without power by Hurricane Sandy, two massive generators are being run 24/7 in Central Park — to juice a media tent for Sunday’s New York City Marathon.

And a third “backup” unit sits idle, in case one of the generators fails.

The three diesel-powered generators crank out 800 kilowatts — enough to power 400 homes in ravaged areas like Staten Island, the Rockaways and downtown Manhattan.

As of Friday morning, five generators sat outside of the park along with electrical stations and transformers.

In addition to the generators, a food services truck dropped off hundreds of cases of water . . .

The Only Thing Worse Than A Film Shoot That Shuts Down Your Neighborhood For Several Days Is A Film Shoot For A Scene That Doesn’t Actually Make It Into The Film

The producers of Men in Black 3 spent several days shooting in Carroll Gardens for scenes that were eventually cut from the film:

[A man], 20, who works at Cobble Hill Cinemas at Court and Butler Streets, said that when he told moviegoers the film was shot right in front of the theater, they called him a liar.

A few moments of footage shot at the north end of Court Street in Downtown Brooklyn, near Borough Hall, flash by in the film, but nothing, apparently, from Carroll Gardens itself.

The studio, Sony Pictures, would not answer questions about what was and was not in the movie.

. . .

A physical therapist groused that while the movie was being filmed, his patients could not park near his office and had to walk an extra block.

And [a local blogger] was among the disappointed. One of the reasons she went to the movie, she said, was to see how it justified shutting four or five blocks of Court Street to traffic two or three nights in a row.

Everyone Looks As Graceful As A Two-Dollar Whore When They’re Sliding Head First Down A Slippery Slope

See what happens when you’re faced with considering the ramifications of really stupid laws? You’re forced to call your own daughter a slut:

Mayor Bloomberg did an about-face yesterday and refused to sign a bill to stop cabbies from carrying hookers after admitting that even his own sexily clad daughters could be mistaken for ladies of the evening.

“I still don’t understand how a taxi driver can make a decision, and I do worry that if my daughters are out there after they are at, you know, a club and they come out late at night and they’re dressed a lot more risquély — if that’s a word — than people in my generation did but still appropriate for this generation, it does put a taxi driver in a difficult position,” Hizzoner said in a rambling explanation.

That Hill You Want To Die On Is Actually A Gigantic Pile Of 20-Ounce Cups

In order to save Scott Stringer from himself they should really restrict the amount of water one needs to carry to 16 ounces as well:

Stringer also urged New Yorkers to get behind the proposed ban, which he said had become “a national proposal” that had created “a very important health debate in this country.”

“We have to stand with [the mayor] on this, regardless of polls, regardless of political consequence,” Stringer added.

If the cup ban is useful for anything, it may be to separate the hacks from the morons in the upcoming mayoral election.

And Do Panaceas Ever Work?

Strange that a guy who made so much money delivering data seems to care so little about it:

Mayor Michael Bloomberg admitted Tuesday that the skyrocketing number of NYPD stop-and-frisks has had little impact on the number of people shot in New York City.

. . .

“This is not a panacea for everything. But what is clear is that the number of murders have come down dramatically and this is one of the techniques that Ray uses,” he said.

“As he said, if you have other suggestions on how to get guns out of the hands of kids, we’d love to hear it,” Bloomberg added. “If they’re practical, we would like to adopt that.”

(Willfully ignoring data is another good reason stuff like congestion pricing never went through . . .)

Howard Wolfson Is (Still) A Fucking Idiot

No navel gazing legacy pondering here, clearly:

“I suspect that in five years, or 10 years, you’re going to have people going up to this mayor of the city and saying, ‘Thank you for doing that. This is what helped me lose weight and save my life,’” he said.

And if that person exists, they’ll also be a fucking idiot for thinking that Michael Bloomberg can help you lose weight.

You have to feel for the writers who are tasked with trying to find balanced man-on-the-street quotes, because I can’t believe they’re out there.

But why won’t someone just come out and say that this is fucking stupid?

New York City, Where The Only Thing That Isn’t Restricted Is The Number Of Terms A Mayor Can Serve

In some ways I would love for him to run for President because at least then he might be a little more distracted and stop proposing such stupid ideas:

The mayor, who said he occasionally drank a diet soda “on a hot day,” contested the idea that the plan would limit consumers’ choices, saying the option to buy more soda would always be available.

“Your argument, I guess, could be that it’s a little less convenient to have to carry two 16-ounce drinks to your seat in the movie theater rather than one 32 ounce,” Mr. Bloomberg said in a sarcastic tone. “I don’t think you can make the case that we’re taking things away.”

He also said he foresaw no adverse effect on local businesses, and he suggested that restaurants could simply charge more for smaller drinks if their sales were to drop.

We could make this better by hitting a NYC hat trick: Mandating low-salt lox, mini bagels and nitrate-free hot dogs . . .

How To Draw 40,000 To Citi Field?

A hint — it has nothing to do with the Mets:

A mass rally for men only drew more than 40,000 ultra-Orthodox Jews to Citi Field Sunday to denounce the Internet and its pervasive impact on family life.

An overflow crowd of another 20,000 bearded men sporting long black coats and big black hats filled nearby Arthur Ashe Stadium for the unprecedented attack on modern technology.

Location Scout: Citi Field.

It Could Be “Assholes,” It Could Be “Chumps” . . . You Never Know

A bar featuring some very expensive bottles of wine is bucking conventional wisdom and offering those wines by the glass:

A posh Italian bar where patrons can pop a cork and purchase $4,000 bottles of wine by the glass is on its way to TriBeCa.

But the question remains what the square-bracketed word that the proprietor used was:

“We want to give [everyone] the experience.”

At Some Point We Need To Ask Ourselves, “Why Do They Hate Us?”

Either that or someone is sure upset about bike share:

[A man], 27, of Newark, a gang member with 12 arrests in the Garden State, showed up at the security entrance of the government building while the mayor held an outdoor press conference on the city’s new bike share program on Monday.

“I want to take on the mayor in a fight. Man vs. man, and knock him out,” he told cops at the Broadway and Murray St. entrance around 11:30 and to attend the event.

And Then I Stank Up The Joint

Don’t ever say that Brooklyn’s elected representatives aren’t responsive to their constituents:

“I am still listening to all the stakeholders, including the brunching community, the religious community, and the religious brunching community.”

A Third Term Fizzles Into Petulance

To say he’s off-message implies that there’s some message to begin with. But I like the idea that 10-plus years after Sept. 11 someone would freely admit not even bothering to read a 911 report:

Mayor Michael Bloomberg admitted on Tuesday he didn’t read a report chronicling problems in New York City’s 911 emergency dispatch system, a document he commissioned in the wake of his administration’s poor response to the December 2010 blizzard.

In a flash of exasperation when a reporter pressed him about the report, he said, “I didn’t even bother to read it.”

Groping At Straws

Is it really that easy to get tagged not only as a serial groper but a dapper one at that on such flimsy evidence? In Bloomberg and Kelly’s New York, yes:

His nightmare started on April 12, when two detectives showed up at his Park Slope apartment asking him questions about groping attacks on women in fancy Manhattan neighborhoods.

Someone who knew [the suspect] called the NYPD’s anonymous Crimestoppers tip line and told them that a surveillance video image of the attacker looked like him.

Of course shitty police work can be fixed but first impressions are forever. This guy seems remarkably cheerful for someone who was accused of being this close to being a rapist.

Solution: Ban Seeded Bagels

This could rival the War on Brunch for municipal stupidity, except I think the Health Department probably just needs more cash for a new campaign against another food additive. I don’t know how else to interpret the agency citing a bagel shop for having too many sesame seeds on its floor:

A Health Department spokeswoman said the bagel shop was cited on Oct. 23, 2011, for “a heavy accumulation of seeds in the same area that many mouse droppings were found.”

No mice were detected in an earlier inspection on Aug. 1, 2011, and none were found in the latest inspection on April 5, when B&B was awarded the highest cleanliness grade of “A.”

Now, [the bagel shop owner] and his son [. . .] have invested close to $900,000 in larger stainless steel preparation tables — in hopes of containing seed fallout — and an expensive water-filter vacuum to suck up the seeds from the floor.

So You Have Mayor Bloomberg And NYC & Co. To Thank When Your Child Asks You For $1100 A Month To Keep The Dream Of Post-Collegiate Greenpoint Alive

Two-thirds of the way into Ginia Bellafante’s column on what draws people to New York is this sociologist’s explanation of the city’s appeal:

But the past few years, defined by economic challenges, have seemed only to burnish the city’s appeal. An analysis of American Community Survey data by Susan Weber-Stoger of the Queens College Department of Sociology reveals that more people moved to New York City (over 223,000 of them a year on average) after the financial crisis in 2008 and through 2010 than did from 2005 to 2007, an increase of 10 percent.

. . .

When I discussed some of these numbers with Miriam Greenberg, a sociologist who has written extensively about the branding of New York, she cited the highly strategized efforts the current mayoral administration has made to sell the city to the world.

There’s nothing a third term can’t do!

One More Example Is All We Need To Make New York City Resemble A Cranked-Out Exurb Somewhere In Flyover Country

First manhole covers, now tree pit grates:

Thieves ripped away iron guards protecting roughly 20 trees on Restaurant Row, the Times Square Alliance announced Friday, one day after ConEd revealed the theft of more than 30 manhole covers were stolen around thfrom around the city.

Brooklyn Jumps Shark, Steals Shark’s Wallet And Cellphone, Then Gives Shark A Wet Willie, Because Of Course Sharks Have Ears, Too

Despite widespread dissent about the so-called War on Brunch, even at the highest levels of Brooklyn local government, Brooklyn’s Community Board 1 doubles down, and looks fucking stupid in the process:

Community Board 1 public safety chairman Tom Burrows asked neighbors to join his fight and help monitor illegal brunching activity at a 94th Precinct council meeting in Greenpoint on Wednesday.

“If you see restaurants serving brunch on the sidewalk before noon, call 311!” said Burrows — who has come to play the role of General Patton in the escalating conflict. “I didn’t pass the law, but that’s the law.”

Oh please.

Truer Words, Etc.: “It’s Going To Be A Symbol That Long Island City/Queens Plaza Is Open For Business”

So here’s how the “slippery slope” works . . .

When the shitty warehouse with the “iconic” Pepsi-Cola sign on top of it in Long Island City was going to be demolished about ten years ago, people clamored to save the sign because it was part of the area’s industrial past. Only a very few people wondered why anyone was giving free advertising to a corporation. This wasn’t just a dopey sign, but giant 40-foot neon along the East River in plain view of hundreds of thousands of people.

Most people got all mushy about old signage — which is understandable — people love old shit, no matter how egregiously commercial it once was.

So the sign was saved, which is like, whatever, it’s just a dumb old timey-time sign. Anything to make a really fucking ugly waterfront look a little less like Battery Park City. All well and good and whatnot.

But then something truly disgusting happened: A sleazy airplane company extorted the city for concessions to keep their company in New York, and the politicians in this dumpy borough sold out the shitty skyline in Queens Plaza to this company. Why? Because it’s part of the supposed “tradition” of shitty commercial advertising in the Manhattan-facing neighborhoods of Queens. Fuck these people:

Despite early concern from Community Board 2 members, the airline company JetBlue received unanimous approval from the City Council Monday to build a 40-foot backlit sign on top of its new headquarters in Long Island City.

“I think it’s going to be a visual reminder of the continued transformation and resurgence of the Dutch Kills/Queens Plaza area, and I think it’s going to be a symbol that Long Island City/Queens Plaza is open for business,” Councilman Jimmy Van Bramer (D-Sunnyside) said.

. . .

The 40-foot backlit sign would be shaped like the company logo in a similar fashion to the Silvercup Studios and PepsiCola signs located elsewhere in Long Island City.

If You Can Find 300 Crabs In Newtown Creek, You’re Set For The Year . . .

I’d like to meet the person who eats even one crab from Newtown Creek:

Brooklynites should be wary about eating anything they catch in Newtown Creek because of high bacteria levels, said state scientists, who recommended that women under age 50 and children under age 15 refrain from consuming any fish caught in the waterway. Men over age 15 and women over age 50 should limit their intake of North Brooklyn seafood at one meal of bluefish, carp, and bass per month, and no more than six crabs per week, the study said.

Greenpoint boaters welcomed the news.

Location Scout: Newtown Creek.

We Are All Mr. Met Now

Mets pitcher R.A. Dickey on the dirty little secret about Mr. Met, which is that he doesn’t seem to do much of anything:

The longtime Flushing favorite was chosen as the nation’s No. 1 sports mascot based on his likeability, familiarity and several other factors.

. . .

[. . .] Mets knuckleballer R.A. Dickey was a bit surprised by the choice.

“There’s no scooter he rides,” Dickey said Tuesday. “He’s not breaking the other team’s helmet into pieces. Maybe the appeal is that he’s like everybody else. He walks around just like they do.”

See also: Mr. Met.

“Eendraght Maeckt Maght” Is Russian For “Buddy, Throw Some Teal In There!”

It’s the Spinal Tap Black Album of basketball logos:

The main event at the news conference was the unveiling of the new Nets logos. The simple black-and-white designs prominently feature the word “Brooklyn,” all but trumpeting the fact that the players’ new jerseys are, well, no longer linked to New Jersey.

The two insignia were created by the rapper Jay-Z, who owns part of the team, and designed to resemble the black-and-white tiles and typeface of old New York subway stations. The first is a triangular shield with a basketball inside it emblazoned with the letter B and the word “Brooklyn” inscribed in capital letters underneath. The second is a circle with a letter-B basketball and the words “Brooklyn New York.”

Nostalgia For When Basketball Franchises Were Made Of Wax, Except It’s Not Nostalgia, And It’s Now!!

The really interesting thing will be when Brooklyn finally discovers irrelevance:

New York City: Where Real Estate Closings Resemble Episode Three Of Jersey Shore

Which Episode Three? That shouldn’t matter:

“A lot of people in this city have gotten what they want by being emotional.”

What If It Never Actually Becomes “State-Of-The-Art”?

Keep in mind that a capacity of 14,500 would be smaller than every other NHL arena:

Bruce Ratner, who will welcome the NBA’s Nets to Brooklyn next season, is hopeful of the arena’s potential NHL prospects as well, perhaps even the New York Islanders, who are looking for a new home. In fact, the building already has ice and locker rooms for both sports.

. . .

“It holds 14,500 for hockey,” Ratner said.

That’s fewer people than the minor league facility that the Winnipeg Jets play in . . .

Unlike The Mayor, Sometimes You Own The “Communist Russia” Comparison

The other day the mayor tried out a Commie Soviet comparison. This guy, however, really owns it:

Leon Kogut, who opened Leon’s Fantasy Cut at Newkirk Plaza more than 20 years ago, said he was going about his business back in February when city Department of Consumer Affairs inspectors came in and started asking him questions about his cash register.

“They asked me how come my cash register doesn’t give receipts and I said this cash register is from 1912!” said Kogut. “Nobody asks for receipts here — it’s a barber shop.”

. . .

Kogut, a Russian immigrant, says he’ll move on from the fines — but the ordeal reminded him of the country he left decades ago.

“In the Soviet Union it was almost the same,” he said. “They went around to businesses just like this. . . .”

April Fools’ Day (Observed)

I like that when the mayor is asked about supposed Health Department plans to ban Happy Hour — not any particular happy hour, rather all happy hours ever — he sounds like he’s reminding the Health Department that this is not happening:

“The Health Department has no plans. We told them we have no plans.”

Metro New York adds to that quote:

“The Health Department has no plans. We told them we have no plans. It is a totally fictitious, made-up story, and it’s just not what I would call responsible journalism.”

I totally don't believe him!

Posted: April 30th, 2012 | Filed under: See, The Thing Is Was . . ., Things That Make You Go "Oy"

---

The Value-Added Pedestrian Plaza

“Value-added” in the sense that it’s the gift that keeps on giving — to politicians, newspaper reporters and various community groups:

At a town hall meeting held by U.S. Rep. Joseph Crowley (D-Jackson Heights) and City Councilman Daniel Dromm (D-Jackson Heights) April 11, opponents once again made the case that the plaza, installed by the city Department of Transportation in October, should be removed.

Because if this pedestrian plaza didn’t exist, what would we be spending our mental space on?

Location Scout: 37th Road in Jackson Heights.

Smells Like Team Spirit

That’s in case you were wondering what New York Yankees perfume smells like:

The scents do not contain hints of Cracker Jack, pine tar or Big League Chew. Jennifer Mullarkey, vice president for fragrance and product development at Cloudbreak, developed the fragrances with Firmenich, a perfume supplier. Ms. Mullarkey wanted to “create something that exudes confidence, strength and classic timelessness.”

The cologne is a “fresh wood fragrance” that “really captures a fresh, clean element on top with citrus notes and aromatic notes,” Ms. Mullarkey said, “with woodiness, earthy patchouli and aromatic suede.”

You May Not Ever Participate In “Brunch,” You May Even Hate It, But Brooklyn Without Brunch Is An Existential Threat To Its Way Of Life

Brooklyn Community Board 1′s War on Brunch has moved away from bluster and toward imminent conflict:

Department of Consumer Affairs regulators issued a citation to the Lorimer Street bistro Lokal at 9:35 am for violating a little-known rule that bars eateries from operating sidewalk cafes before noon on Sundays.

. . .

The summons is a victory for CB1′s public safety general Tom Burrows, who vowed to shush noisy restaurants and move diners indoors by campaigning against restaurants that serve mimosas, bellinis, and french toast to sidewalk crowds on what some consider a day of rest.