Forget liberal or conservative bias, savvy readers know that the Post’s coverage is really driven by whether lead paragraphs have sufficient alliterative potential. “Cops Hunt Cagey Parrot Pirate”:

Long Island police — armed with surveillance photos — are searching for the perpetrator who pirated a pair of parrots from a Petco in Patchogue.

That makes for an Alliterative Magnitude of 6. Impressive!