Pigeons Are Rats With Wings And Outdoor Advertising Companies Are Wraps With Wildposting

Illegal outdoor advertising is an aesthetic crime, perpetrated by smarmy third-party outfits who are no better than real estate brokers (sure, beat up on brokers!):

Under the cover of construction, ads for some of the world’s biggest brands are taking up residence at many of New York’s most prestigious addresses, including many buildings designated as landmarks. So far, Stringer’s PR campaign seems to have had little affect on the number of illegal ads vying for public attention.

Why do these blatantly illegal ads flourish in plain sight, despite the vocal opposition?

It’s one of those urban paradoxes: Some of the most conspicuous objects in the city are affixed to some of the most famous addresses in town, but it’s not clear to the casual observer how they got there. We know the brand in the ad, we know the address. But the middlemen are the mystery.

Upon further investigation, some of the mystery is revealed: It turns out that the recent construction site blight has a lot to do with a group of firms known as outdoor advertising companies (OAC).

Outdoor ad agencies are like real estate agencies for outdoor ad space. They are the brokers who bring landlords and brands together.

Doughnuts Are To Homer As Fee Is To Broker

While you stand there wondering whether to pull the trigger on a rental, the broker may or may not be thinking something along the lines of the following:

We had narrowed her search down to two buildings around the corner from each other. The units were almost identical; one was a little larger, but the building lacked any kind of character, and the approval process was long and ridiculous. It was also a sketchy co-broke where my fee would get chopped in half. The other unit was nice, it was an easier deal, and I would keep the entire fee. She wanted my opinion on which apartment she should take.

In the rental market, the difference between right and wrong is often a hazy shade of grey. There I was with the nicest client I have ever had, being asked what I thought was the better apartment when my paycheck doubled if she chose the second one. Shouldn’t I at least nudge her in that direction? You want to do the right thing, but on the other hand it’s one less deal I have to make that month . . . if she goes the right way.

Will the agent do the right thing? In this case, of course. Whether he gets a date out of it is another issue.

No Need To Panic

MTA officials complain that the “panic bar,” already misused by stroller pushers, have become a pain in the ass:

“People are using them indiscriminately, to get out quicker,” Andrew Albert, a rider representative on the Metropolitan Transportation Authority board, said yesterday. “I’m just really concerned if there is a real emergency, as it was with the car alarms that go off, you are going to hear this bell going off and you’re not going to pay any attention to it.”

Shrill alarms at subway station exits have become common since June, when the MTA started installing the panic bars on all service gates next to regular and floor-to-ceiling turnstiles. People have used the gates, which are meant only for emergencies, as a regular exit.

In addition to the stroller dilemma, apparently a new problem has emerged:

“They haven’t run any kind of public education campaign. It’s not fair to criticize riders,” said Gene Russianoff of the Straphangers Campaign. “They don’t know anything about the gates.”

But transit officials disagreed, saying riders are warned that they can be ticketed for opening the gates.

“Summonses have apparently been issued to individuals holding the gates open and selling rides,” said New York City Transit spokesman Paul Fleuranges.

Exact details about the number of summonses given were unavailable yesterday.

Battery, Battery, Battery, Battery

No word on whether the guys on the subway qualify as such a retailer:

Starting tomorrow, consumers must take their used rechargeable batteries — such as those that power laptop computers, cellphones and digital cameras — to retailers who sell them.

The batteries will go back to manufacturers for recycling.

The goal is to keep toxic metals like cadmium, lead and mercury out of landfills.

“Every one of these rechargeable batteries is a latent poison pill when thrown into a landfill,” said City Council member Michael McMahon (D-S.I.), chairman of the Sanitation Committee.

Conventional, nonrechargeable batteries are not affected by the law because “they are devoid of any of the toxic heavy metals that are still found in rechargeable batteries,” McMahon said.

The law requires people to take their used rechargeable batteries to any retailer who sells that type of battery. Individuals can be fined $50 for the first violation — and $200 for three or more.

The city Sanitation Department “will not go through garbage or recycling containers” to find violators. “You have to be caught in the act,” said department spokeswoman Kathy Dawkins.

I Guess This Just Proves That People In Astoria Don’t Read*

The dearth of bookstores in Astoria** is odd and Councilmember Vallone wants to do something about it:

After years of disappointment and frustration because his vibrant community of Astoria does not have a bookstore, City Councilmember Peter Vallone Jr. recently renewed his campaign among the major bookstore chains to establish one here.

In letters to Barnes and Noble, Borders, Waldenbooks and others, Vallone pointed out that the closest major chain store is in Forest Hills, five miles from Astoria and Long Island City, even though there’s an existing market of 200,000 residents.

In addition, Vallone wrote: “Astoria is a vibrant neighborhood, full of young professionals, artists, writers and senior citizens — a perfect location for your business. Students need a place to buy their books; children need a place to explore their imaginations, and adults need a place to take a break from the world, sip coffee and read quietly.”

In his letter to Barnes & Noble, Vallone commented: “Within that [five mile] radius, there could be close to a million residents without a place to peruse the latest novels, magazines, music and movies. To put it into perspective, the Barnes and Noble bookstore in Edgewater, New Jersey is closer to Astoria than any bookstore in Queens. A Barnes and Noble in Astoria would serve not only the needs of my community and other undeserved neighborhoods, but also offer you an excellent business opportunity to capitalize on this untapped market.”

*Is it because of a high non-English speaking population? Relatively more expensive rents? Amazon.com?

**Not none, but few.