But it at least began as a nice gesture:

Lawyers from firms across the city will stop billing clients for half an hour today to rally in support of the lawyers and judges of Pakistan.

The rally, planned for 1 p.m. in front of the New York County Courthouse at 60 Centre St., is expected to draw hundreds of attorneys to protest the arrests and detentions of thousands of Pakistani lawyers and judges as part of President Musharraf’s emergency decree, according to Barry Kamins, president of the New York City Bar Association, which has helped to organize the rally.

“I’m trying to mobilize as many attorneys from around the city from all spectrums of the profession to stand up and show support for the lawyers and judges of Pakistan,” Mr. Kamins said. “When a government goes after its lawyers and judges, that’s the quickest way to destroy a democracy.”

Maybe like Justice Stewart’s description of obscenity they know it when they see it:

Millions of people have paused to stand amid the hustle, bustle and neon of Times Square.

And sure, those who pause — to gawk, talk or eat a gyro — can slow the progress of pedestrians around them.

But when Matthew Jones of Brooklyn lingered on the corner of 42nd Street and Seventh Avenue in the early morning of June 12, 2004, gabbing with friends as other pedestrians tried to get by, something unusual happened: He was arrested for it.

A police officer said Mr. Jones was impeding other pedestrians and charged him with disorderly conduct.

Mr. Jones is not taking the charges lying down (so to speak). After trying twice to get the charges dismissed, he has taken his case to the state’s highest court, the Court of Appeals, which heard arguments here on Wednesday.

In the prosecution’s view, it appears, the innocent do not dawdle. According to the original complaint against Mr. Jones, the officer “observed defendant along with a number of other individuals standing around” on a public sidewalk in June 2004. Mr. Jones was “not moving, and that as a result of defendants’ behavior, numerous pedestrians in the area had to walk around defendants.”

. . .

And on Wednesday, Mr. Jones’s circumstances appeared to reach a friendly audience before the Court of Appeals.

“Isn’t that lawful conduct?” wondered Judge Robert S. Smith. Later he added, “Your conduct can’t be illegal just because an officer noticed it.”

. . .

The court is likely to rule on the case next month. Should it rule against Mr. Jones, the available evidence on the scene on Wednesday suggested that the police would soon have their hands full.

Just before 5 p.m., near the corner where Mr. Jones was arrested, stood the following assemblage: a man eating clams out of a Styrofoam container; two men smoking cigarettes together; a man waiting for a woman to finish a phone call; a guy looking at a map; a young woman sending a text message; two men handing out tour brochures; and a family of five, including an infant in a stroller, who stopped to look at the brochures.

This will save you that precious wasted half block walking in the wrong direction (what do you think this is, Rome or London or some truly confusing city?):

Compass decals will be installed in the sidewalk at four locations in Midtown to guide pedestrians, the city Department of Transportation, the Grand Central Partnership, and the Metropolitan Transportation Authority announced yesterday.

“Not a single person, native New Yorker or visitor, can truthfully claim that they have not, at least once, been confused as to which direction to walk when emerging from a subway station,” the city’s transportation commissioner, Janette Sadik-Khan, said.

. . .

Temporary versions of the compasses, designed by sculptor Gregg Lefevre, will be tested for one week, until October 23, at four subway exits: two at Grand Central Terminal and one each at the subway stops at Lexington Avenue-51st Street and Fifth Avenue-53rd Street. If they receive a positive response from the public, the temporary decals can be replaced with a more permanent installation, and other neighborhoods can ask the DOT for help replicating the program.

Nice try:

A burning cab ignited controversy yesterday when the Taxi Workers Alliance claimed a newly installed GPS system started the blaze.

But taxi authorities and independent mechanics disputed the claim, arguing that it was all but impossible for a properly installed system to catch fire.

The cab fire — the third in Manhattan in as many weeks — happened at around 2 p.m. It was caused by what appeared to be a burned-out alternator. At the scene, both the the driver and an Alliance representative pointed the finger at a GPS system installed on Saturday.

“It started smoking, I could smell it, I could see it was flaming. This is going to cost me around $450 to fix,” said the driver, Samuel Asenso, 51. “GPS is an electrical system. The alternator controls all the electrical systems in the car. Whenever the cab is overloaded, the alternator catches on fire.”

. . .

Alliance member Bill Lindauer was on the scene to direct reporters around the stricken vehicle. He said he would reserve final judgement until the car was inspected by a mechanic, but firmly believed the GPS system was responsible.

“This is the least reliable system ever invented by mankind,” he said. “There is a mass of self-delusion in the [Taxi & Limousine Commission] running amok.”

Backstory: There You Go Again.

Just not what you’d expect:

Saying it appeared that her stepdaughter-in-law had been “manhandled” by police officers before her death in police custody in Phoenix on Friday, New York City’s public advocate, Betsy Gotbaum, called yesterday for an investigation into the circumstances of the death.

Yeah, I suppose one could reach that conclusion:

During a crime wave in the winter of 1857, Harvey Burdell, a prominent dentist who lived at 31 Bond St. in Greenwich Village, was found in his office strangled and stabbed 15 times.

Suspicion soon fell on his mistress, Emma Cunningham, a 36-year-old widow who Burdell had taken into his home along with her five children.

“She needed a wealthy new husband willing to take on five children,” said Benjamin Feldman, author of “Butchery on Bond Street,” a new book about the case. “And she made a bad choice.”

Burdell, according to Feldman, “took ruthless advantage” of Cunningham\], routinely raping her, impregnating her two times, and twice performing an abortion on her with his hands.

Still, she needed the money and respectability a husband would bring, and so, when Burdell refused to do right by her, she hired an imposter to stand in for him at a wedding ceremony. When this ruse failed, she took to violence.

“I never in my life have heard a story that incorporated so much dysfunction and sociopathic behavior between a man and woman,” Feldman said.

. . .

Comparing the frenzy that trial produced to the O.J. Simpson case 135 years later, Feldman thought it was significant how little had actually changed in the relationship between the sexes in the big city.

“I don’t know if life is all that different today,” he said. “Take a look at Craigslist. The technology is different, but you still see women searching for sugar daddies and all that kind of stuff. The only difference is that in the middle of the 19th century it was OK to do that.”

Isiah is a genius. First the Scores strategy to dominating the opposition, now the Knick President goes all Deborah Tannen with the word “bitch”:

White men better not call a black woman “bitch” around Knicks coach Isiah Thomas, but if black men do it — well, that’s fair game.

“I’m sorry to say, I do make a distinction,” Thomas said in a videotaped admission viewed by a Manhattan federal jury yesterday.

“A white man calling a black female ‘bitch,’ that is wrong with me. I am not accepting that. That’s a problem for me,” he said.

But asked if he’d have a problem with a black man calling a black woman “bitch,” Thomas said, “Not as much.”

The videotaped deposition was played by lawyers for fired Knick executive Anucha Browne Sanders.

Sanders has accused Thomas of spewing profanity at her, calling her “bitch,” “f- - -ing bitch,” and “ho,” before suddenly changing tactics to profess his love.

Were JetBlue passengers watching 9/11 coverage on their personal television sets? Yes:

Jet Blue flight attendant Suhadee Henriquez was flying cross-country on the morning of September 11, 2001 as four aircrafts were hijacked by terrorists.

“I watched everything unfold,” Henriquez said. “I had to keep calm even though I didn’t know what was happening.”

Like the hijacked planes, the 727 that Henriquez was working on was well fueled and packed with passengers, and as her travelers began to piece together the details of the day from watching their personal TV sets, panic set in at 37,000 feet, she told aviation officials and Vaughn College students at an event on Wednesday, September 4.

“I turned around and looked at the TV and the second airplane hit,” Henriquez said.

Other items you may or may not have been wondering about include whether the lottery was delayed or postponed. Not New York’s pick three (the numbers that day were 0, 3, and 8 — look it up if you want). And the Wednesday/Saturday Powerball drawing chugged along as if nothing happened, as well.

I mean, even Broadway held out until Thursday the 13th!

First you paint that crazy new addition to your big West Village building a peculiar bright pink. The only thing left is to name it something cryptically pretentious:

“What’s a chalupa?” people once wondered, before a talking Chihuahua with a Mexican accent explained it all.

Now, along the streets of the Far West Village, a new question is echoing: “What’s a chupi?”

Whatever it means, it’s the name of Julian Schnabel’s new hot-pink high-rise nearing completion at 360 W. 11th St.

. . .

The Venetian retro-style residential building involved constructing an 11-story addition above an existing three-story former stable. A plain concrete slab that topped the old facade has been incorporated into the project and inscribed with “Palazzo Chupi” — “palazzo” meaning “palace” or “mansion” in Italian, and “chupi” meaning, well . . . it’s anyone’s guess.

Schnabel, a painter and award-winning filmmaker, did not reply to an e-mail request for explanation.

Kelly, who is involved on site in the construction of the 11th St. building, said he doesn’t know.

“I actually can’t tell you what it means,” he said “It’s just Palazzo Chupi. I don’t think it’s Italian.”

. . .

Assuming “chupi” isn’t Italian, there are some other possibilities.

It means “kisses” in Spanish — but “underpants” in Swahili. In Tagalog, it translates into “get lost.” And, in Peru’s indigenous Quechua language, chupi is potato soup.

In Hindi, it means “hidden.” “Chupi Chupi” is the title of a hugely popular Bollywood movie. Wait a second: Palazzo Chupi — Hidden Palace. That could work. But then why did Schnabel paint it hot pink? Some might say he could have picked a less conspicuous color for a hidden palace.

Perhaps the “multi-user dungeon” part might hold some people back:

Being poked on the subway is annoying. On Facebook it’s a compliment. A new application on the site hopes to bridge that divide.

Subway Status allows riders to post updates, meet their neighbors and read service announcements pulled from the Metropolitan Transportation Authority’s Web site. Users can check for delays, complain about local transit issues — such as the campaign for an F train express — and keep track of weekend changes, all without leaving their social network.

“The interesting thing about the subway experience is that everyone has it, but no one shares it,” said Amos Bloomberg (no relation to the Mayor), who designed the application. “There’s currently no forum for this discussion, and it certainly doesn’t happen on the train itself. I’m trying to explore that issue.”

. . .

“I see it like those ‘multi-user dungeons’ from the early days of computers,” he said. “The idea is that you are exploring a system with lots of rooms and different people. There are tribes of people on each train, and I want them to organize themselves into little pockets.”

Peter Vallone Jr.’s bill to outlaw looking just gets more and more confusing:

When women in his Queens district started complaining of a strange man standing under the steps of the elevated subway at Ditmars Boulevard, looking up their skirts, City Councilman Peter F. Vallone Jr. said he was as surprised as anyone to learn there was no law against it.

So he wrote one.

. . .

The bill would make it illegal to look at a person’s “sexual or other intimate parts” for more than a brief period, “in other than a casual or cursory manner,” for the purpose of entertainment, sexual arousal or gratification, or for the purpose of degrading or abusing the person being viewed.

The New York Civil Liberties Union issued a statement yesterday calling the proposal “creepy lawmaking.”

“The problem with this legislation is that it’s trying to get at this amorphous, vague behavior of looking, which is very imprecise,” said Donna Lieberman, the group’s executive director. “The language of the bill reflects how vague the activity that they’re trying to get at is, and the problem is that it’s an invitation to abuse, to selective enforcement based on the whims or prejudice of the individual police officer.”

She added, “What kind of a look is degrading, and therefore unlawful, who’s to say?”

Mr. Vallone responded that his bill was very narrowly drawn.

“We took great pains to make sure that the normal admiration of God’s creation was not made illegal,” Mr. Vallone said.

*And I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that kind of street harassment before . . .

In the end the pot meatball defense failed to keep an NYPD detective from losing his job:

Police Commissioner Ray Kelly has fired NYPD anti-terrorism cop Anthony Chiofalo, who claimed he flunked a drug test because his wife spiked his meatballs with marijuana, sources told The Post.

Chiofalo was able to convince an administrative judge in his departmental hearing last November that his wife Christine used pot instead of oregano in her meatball recipe, so he’d be forced to retire from the force.

Although the judge bought into the meatball defense, Kelly had the final say.

Police prosecutors had strongly recommended the commissioner overturn the verdict and Kelly decided last week to send Chiofalo’s career up in smoke, the sources said.

. . .

Christine Chiofalo claimed she feared her husband would die in the line of duty like his firefighter brother Nicholas, who lost his life on 9/11.

“I was afraid he was going to be killed,” she told an Internal Affairs Bureau investigator, a police source said.

Two of Chiofalo’s former partners from his days in the 75th Precinct, Michael Curtin and Joseph Vigiano, also died in the terror attacks on the World Trade Center.

The 22-year veteran had been assigned to the joint terrorism task force when he flunked the drug test in 2005. He was suspended without pay, and requested the departmental trial.

His wife passed a polygraph test and said she thought her husband would be allowed to retire with a full pension if the pot was detected. A defense expert testified that marijuana ingested with food could turn up on a drug test.

What was assumed to have been a garden-variety monkey meat-smuggling operation may evolve into a serious constitutional dispute:

What started as a late-night talk show joke topic — a New York woman originally from Liberia who was indicted for allegedly trying to smuggle steaks of monkey meat into America via John F. Kennedy International Airport — is shaping up into a potentially major religious freedom dispute.

The woman, who says she imported the monkey parts for religious ceremonies, has attracted pro bono legal assistance from a top law firm, Milbank, Tweed, Hadley & McCloy. And a professor of African religious traditions at Harvard Divinity School, Jacob Olupona, may testify on her behalf.

At a hearing earlier this month, Chief Judge Raymond Dearie of U.S. District Court in Brooklyn ruled that Mamie Manneh, 39, of Staten Island, has legal standing to argue that her religious beliefs should exempt her from criminal prosecution for smuggling the contraband bushmeat.

As depositions and testimony emerge during the run-up to trial, court papers provide a glimpse into a world of religious rites that lawyers in the case are struggling to find ways to explain to those who are unfamiliar with them.

“Frankly, I sort of analogize it more just in my own personal experience with certain foods that you might have at something like a seder . . . you know, bitter herbs and that might have some reference to the Exodus or something along those lines,” Jan Rostal, an attorney for Manneh, told the judge earlier this month, according to a transcript.

. . .

A professor of law at George Washington University who specializes in religious freedom issues, Ira Lupu, said that Manneh’s case is “not total nonsense,” considering the Supreme Court’s decision last year.

Because maybe you’re wondering how a turtle can be an invasive species in “Turtle Pond”:

In Chinatown, turtles are the center of a tug of war whose ramifications are being felt at the Central Park Turtle Pond.

One side makes turtles into soups that are ladled into the bowls of the elderly, the pregnant, and the recently born in the hopes of imparting longevity.

The other group, mostly Buddhists, is buying up turtles from food markets and “setting them free” into the East River.

Neither side appears to know that the quiet war of ideas over reptiles is leading, in part, to a proliferation of a non-native species in the Turtle Pond.

. . .

A group of Chinese Buddhists — no one knows how many — take their belief to the extreme on holidays and special occasions, casting turtles into the East River to set them free. The practice is called fangsheng, or “release of life,” and dates back to the 6th century. Setting turtles or other animals free increases a Buddhist’s merit, which is believed to translate into a better rebirth.

The species of turtle most commonly found in Chinatown — and consequently the East River and the Turtle Pond — is the red-eared slider, which originates from the tributaries leading into the Mississippi River. It cannot survive in the brackish waters around Manhattan, according to herpetologists.

. . .

A reporter observed the “fangsheng” practice on August 1 — the 19th day of the sixth month in the lunar calendar. On that day hundreds of years ago, Princess Miaoshan, the human manifestation of the Buddhist bodhisattva Guanyin, left home to begin practicing religion, according to Buddhist texts.

The women painted red symbols on the backs of the turtles, including the “svasti,” the symbol adopted by the Nazi party. They said a prayer over the turtles and then pushed them over the edge into the water five feet below. The women declined to be interviewed.

Outmigration and a more-educated population aside, you’re living longer because you walk more. Ooh-kay:

In essence, there is a health gap emerging between our massive metropolis and the rest of the country — some X factor that’s improving our health in subtle, everyday ways. In fact, a back-of-the-envelope calculation shows that once you take out those uniquely New York ways to die — AIDS, homicide, etc. — we’ve still added at least 200,000 extra years onto the city’s life-expectancy tables since 1980, making crucial advances in the same health areas the rest of the country struggles with. Like many New Yorkers, I’d moved here with some trepidation — always figuring that the stress, pollution, and 60-hour workweeks would knock about five years off my life. I was wrong — precisely wrong. But where, exactly, is our excess life coming from?

I take this question to Thomas Frieden, New York’s commissioner of public health. Frieden is a wonk’s wonk — a handsome, energetic doctor who has gained a nationwide reputation for his aggressive effort to push New York’s average-life-expectancy figure ever higher. The smoking ban of 2003? The trans-fat ban of last year? You can thank Frieden for both. These measures have already begun to lengthen life spans in the city. The smoking ban had an immediate effect: The number of deaths attributable to smoking has decreased from 8,960 in 2001 to 8,096 in 2005, a drop of 10 percent. Lung-cancer rates should begin to see the same effect a few decades from now, since it takes longer for the body to repair smoking-related lung damage.

But even Frieden admits that public policy can’t account for all the gains. When I ask what the X factor is — where the “excess life” is coming from — Frieden goes over to his desk and returns with a clear plastic statuette. It’s from the American Podiatric Medical Association and Prevention magazine: BEST WALKING CITY, 2006.

“We’ve won it a couple of years in a row,” he tells me with a grin. He’s got a bunch of them kicking around.

Just keep telling yourself that . . .

How one forges a bill that doesn’t even exist is the conundrum of the day:

A bartender at an Astoria tavern thought it was a joke when a man slapped a million-dollar bill on the bar and demanded a beer, according to police sources.

Construction worker Richard Dajti, 31, walked into an establishment on Ditmars Boulevard and 31st Street at about 4:30 a.m. on July 18, slapped the bill on the bar and demanded a brew. When the bartender refused to serve him, Dajti pulled up his shirt, allegedly revealing a gun, and again demanded a beer.

The owner called 911, but as the police arrived, Dajti was in his vehicle, leaving. The officers gave chase, following Dajti as he sped through five red lights at speeds of more than 70 mph. The chase came to an end when Dajti pulled his 2002 Chevy to the curb near the Northern Boulevard exit off the Grand Central Parkway, police said.

Dajti stepped out of the car and announced to police that he didn’t actually have a gun. He was arrested and charged with driving while intoxicated, possession of a forged instrument, harassment and resisting arrest.

Police are trying to determine where Dajti obtained the fake million-dollar bill.

Police had yet to use the google machine, I suppose.

(Does the old 1,000,000 bill trick ever work?)

The idea that this will somehow cut down on graffiti . . . lord . . . but at least it seems slightly more constitutional:

The tools of graffiti vandals — spray paint, broad tipped markers, and etching acid — are on the verge of being banned from the backpacks and pant pockets of anyone under the age of 21 unless carried in a locked container.

The new anti-graffiti rules, proposed by a City Council member of Queens, Peter Vallone Jr., are expected to be approved by the council on Wednesday.

Earlier: There’s That Pesky Constitution Again!

Congestion pricing moves forward . . . just without the pricing. The Mayor is now the proud owner of hundreds and hundreds of traffic cameras and a congestion pricing plan in five easy pieces:

Mayor Bloomberg managed to squeak out something of a victory with yesterday’s agreement on congestion pricing, but because the deal did not give the city the go-ahead to start charging drivers, he faces a political minefield ahead.

While the four-way deal allows the city to start installing cameras to snap images of license plates, it will not be able to charge drivers a penny to be in busy parts of Manhattan until the state Legislature and the City Council vote on the matter.

Getting those approvals is not going to be an easy lift for Mr. Bloomberg, who in the past week has come under fire from some state elected officials who said he didn’t factor in their concerns or answer their questions when he was selling his plan in Albany.

“He’s going to have to revamp his strategy,” Assemblyman Rory Lancman, a Democrat of Queens, said. “He’s got to stop with the public theater and start meeting with individual legislators.”

. . .

Aides to the mayor said that assuming the city gets the $536 million in federal money it has applied for, it will also start short-term transit upgrades, which all parties agree must be done before the charge goes into effect. Lawmakers, however, say congestion pricing is far from a fait accompli, and note that the new 17-member commission studying the issue is not bound to anything. The speaker of the state Assembly, Sheldon Silver, said yesterday the process has “just begun.” Until now, Mr. Bloomberg had been adamantly opposed to the idea of a commission, saying it did not go far enough.

In addition to winning over many wary state lawmakers, the mayor will now have to woo City Council members, some who also represent areas outside of Manhattan, where the idea of charging drivers to get into Midtown is being viewed as elitist. Although the council will not be voting to approve the plan, it will be required to pass a so-called home rule resolution asking the state Legislature to take it up.

. . .

With a recent poll showing that 61% of New Yorkers are opposed to charging cars to drive into and out of parts of Manhattan, the politicking that is going to be required to close the deal on congestion pricing could consume a large amount of his time for the remainder of his final term. In the past, Mr. Bloomberg has made something of a sport out of taking on unpopular issues — the smoking ban and the property tax hike to name two — and still holding onto his popularity.

Is it at all strange that Governor Spitzer’s choice to serve as the new head of the MTA is the president of a company that develops shopping malls you have to drive to? I’m just saying is all:

Gov. Eliot Spitzer nominated H. Dale Hemmerdinger on Monday to be the new head of the MTA. The nomination must be approved before the senate adjourns for its summer break next week.

Hemmerdinger, the President of Atco Properties and Management, which owns the Shops At Atlas Park in Glendale — not to mention 2 million square feet of additional residential, commercial, industrial and retail space — is ecstatic about the opportunity, but will take a wait-and-see approach when it comes to any policy upheaval.

“I don’t have an answer that is very satisfying yet,” Hemmerdinger said when asked about what changes he foresees. “I’m not there yet. I don’t want to comment on policy matters. That’s something I get to as I learn the job and learn what’s necessary.”

One issue Hemmerdinger was open about was fares. He explained that “keeping them affordable” is in everyone’s best interest and that’s what he hopes to do.

“Nobody wants to raise fares, but the price of oil goes up, the labor costs go up,” he said. “It’s the world we live in. Our job is to keep them as affordable as possible.”

Still, while he was chairman of the Citizens Budget Commission, the group made recommendations on how to balance the MTA’s budget, including higher fares for riders and more tolls and fees for motorists, published reports said.

Published reports also said that Hemmerdinger’s wife has given $40,000 to Spitzer campaign committees since 2000. She also hosted a Democratic Party fund-raiser at the Hemmerdingers’ Central Park South penthouse in May.

. . .

Hemmerdinger, 62, who spends several days a week at Atlas Park, has known the governor for almost 30 years, saying they likely met on the tennis courts. They have a long-standing relationship, and though he wouldn’t speculate on policy, he said one of his goals is to inform riders of the MTA’s responsibilities so that they can better understand the services afforded.

“Education of the public is what one needs to do,” Hemmerdinger said. “To have people understand as best they can what the MTA does and how it’s funded. I think there is a lot of misinformation about that. The more people know, the more they understand.”

“I think it’s really neat,” he added. “How often do you get a chance to help 2 billion-plus riders every year? What a great way to help your fellow human beings. I think it’s great to be in a position to do that. My only job is to do good for the riders.”

When profiles of Cindy Adams are really chugging along on all four cylinders they tend to take on a surreal quality, something you might dream while nodding off on the subway:

“Hello! I’m your hostess!” Cindy Adams was saying as she stood in the entryway of her Park Avenue apartment, welcoming a small group of women to a ladies’ tea for Marianne Williamson, the New Age author, and Ellen Burstyn, the actress and memoirist. Adams did not know all her guests, since the party had been conceived in Burstyn’s public-relations office rather than in the generous heart of New York’s saltiest gossip columnist, but she struck a note of instant intimacy.

“Can I tell you, these crappy dogs just cost me nine hundred dollars to do their teeth, and that’s with the fifteen-per-cent discount the vet gave me?” Adams asked, as her two Yorkies, Jazzy and Juicy, swirled around her feet in a brown-and-black blur, before disappearing behind a concealed door into the kitchen.

. . .

Adams’s attachment to her own small animals was clear: mid-party, she lay down on the marble tiles of her hallway and fed a pastry to Juicy from her mouth, a transfer requiring much licking and wagging from the canine party. Shortly afterward, Adams retreated to her tabloid-papered inner sanctum and, when asked if she considered herself a spiritual person, struck a note of uncharacteristic gravity. “I am somebody who is a seeker,” she said. “There are two parts to every person. There’s the brittle part that everybody sees. And then there’s the part that would rather lie on the floor with the dog. The private part.”

Remember that horrifying, disgusting story about the 58-year-old janitor accused of raping an eight-year-old girl repeatedly at school? You know — the janitor whose picture was all over the evening news and in the tabloids. Yeah, well that was basically all made up:

A judge yesterday tossed out the case against a man accused of raping an 8- year-old girl in the school where she was a student and he a janitor — as prosecutors admitted that her story had fallen apart.

Francis Evelyn, 58, who had maintained his innocence, sobbed as he left the Brooklyn courthouse.

“He’s been through quite a bit this week,” defense attorney Richard Spivack said.

The girl’s mom told police on Monday that her daughter said she’d been repeatedly assaulted over the last month in a school bathroom.

Evelyn was arrested later on that day after the girl identified him as her attacker. Bail was set at $150,000.

But on Wednesday he was suddenly released without bail, prompting speculation that the case was considered shaky.

Prosecutors said yesterday that during further questioning, they concluded that the child’s account had too many inconsistencies to be credible.

That’s a wire story in the Post (classy!), who should feel at least a little sheepish about running this story. The Daily News coverage is a little more contrite:

After days of falsely being portrayed as a child rapist, a Brooklyn school custodian broke down in tears yesterday as the charges against him were dismissed.

“Just kill me,” a distraught Francis Evelyn, 58, muttered to family members who tried to soothe him as he left Brooklyn Criminal Court.

Evelyn had been led out of Public School 91 in Wingate in handcuffs on Monday and spent two days in jail at Rikers Island after an 8-year-old girl said he had repeatedly molested her in a basement bathroom between Feb. 1 and March 9.

But the Trinidad native knew he was innocent.

“I went through hell,” Evelyn later told Channel 7 news.

He said he would never forget being in jail — his first time ever behind bars, the station reported.

“They were threatening me, and tell me they’re going to take me out, they’re gonna cut my throat,” he said. “It’s their sister, their niece. It was hell.”

Thai Boxing, ECW Cage Matches and Greenwich Village Chess:

“It’s a rivalry of hate that keeps them going,” says Aaron Louis, [Village Chess Shop] manager. “They can’t stand each other.” But they’d always kept it on the board, until that day, according to several observers. Joe and Dick were hunkered down in battle when Dick moved his bishop and captured Joe’s pawn, and used his piece to knock Joe’s off the board. (When capturing, it’s gentlemanly form to use the hands.)

“You want me to get physical with you?” Joe asked, according to Dick.

“I’ll defend myself if I have to,” Dick replied, according to Dick.

Then Joe picked up the wooden board and rammed it into Dick’s lip. “There was blood everywhere,” says Louis. “Blood on the pieces. Blood on the board. Blood on my hands. I had to hold them both back. We even had to throw the pieces out, they were covered in so much blood.”

Before the cops arrived to take statements, Joe calmly offered to pay his $4 tab. Louis refused it. “I told him to get the fuck out.” So Joe vanished. He won’t be back. The shop’s owners have banned him for life. Dick is pressing criminal charges, and vows to sue. (Joe refused to discuss the incident.)

*Sorry, Murray, my bad.

Exxon Mobil is halting its cleanup operation at Newtown Creek because of the lawsuit recently filed to force the company to clean up the site:

Unhappy about the pace of Exxon Mobil’s cleanup of the oil spill under Greenpoint that is seeping into Newtown Creek? Brace yourself because its about to get a lot slower before it speeds up.

Exxon announced late last week that they would be shutting down a key component of their pumping system in response to two lawsuits filed by Attorney General Andrew Cuomo and Riverkeeper, an environmental group that has been trying to expedite a cleanup for years.

The oil giant will be shutting down a system that draws the oil to wells where it can be siphoned out of the ground by first pumping out ground water and making a depression for the oil to flow into. The ground water is discharged into Newtown Creek via a pipe at the end of Meeker Avenue, water that both lawsuits claim is contaminated and in possible violation of the Clean Water Act.

Shutting down the process means that the ground water won’t be dumped into the creek, but it also means that the oil will be pulled from the ground at a much slower pace. In published reports last week, an Exxon spokesperson said that the shut down was temporary and suspended only until proper permits are obtained.

According to Basil Seggos of Riverkeeper, however, the system also keeps oil mixed with groundwater from seeping into the creek through the bulkheads.

“There is the alarming possibility that the water will be full of even more pollutants,” warned Seggos.

Seggos added that Exxon has claimed that it is necessary to pump out the groundwater, otherwise it will be virtually impossible to pump out any oil.

“Without pumping the ground water, they many not get out any oil,” said Seggos.

Does this mark a return to pre-9/11 levels of New York City callousness or is it an example of New Yorkers’ post-9/11 if-you-really-want-to-help-New-York-go-take-in-a-Broadway-show spirit? Hard to tell:

Witnesses to last night’s shooting described a wild scene in which as many as 30 shots were fired, creating pandemonium as patrons spilled out from Village watering holes like the Lion’s Den and the Back Fence on a breezy springlike night. In one case, a comedy act in a basement club on Bleecker Street was briefly interrupted — although the show in fact went on.

“I was in the middle of my set and I heard a series of pops and someone came running downstairs and said, ‘A person is being shot outside,’” said Hassan Madry, 28, who was performing on stage at the Village Lantern. “I tried to calm everybody down. I told some of my jokes. You know, you got to go on with it.”

I’m sure the mugger feels much better about his place in the universe now that he’s been koaned by the Post:

A crackhead mugger nearly choked a woman to death in the vestibule of her Harlem building last fall — but wound up saving her life.

Jennifer Chow, 30, who works at an arts group, was put in a headlock and choked until she passed out on Oct. 1. She woke up without her purse.

Even though she felt only slight pain in her neck, responding cops and medics convinced her to go to the hospital. The checkup found Chow had thyroid cancer.

“If it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have discovered the cancer so early, if at all,” said Chow, who was declared cancer-free just two weeks ago.

Following the harrowing brush with death at the hands of her attacker, a CAT scan of her neck at North General Hospital revealed the small mass on her thyroid.

“The doctor said, ‘You’ll be fine, except you have this nodule that the radiologist said you should get checked out,’ ” Chow recalled.

Follow-ups with a doctor and pathologist revealed the worst: Chow was diagnosed with papillary carcinoma, a cancerous mass on thyroid tissue.

In December, a surgeon removed the cancerous tissue. Mount Sinai endocrinologist Dr. Richard Haber last month determined the cancer had been eradicated, though Chow must take medication for life.

“It probably would have been bad if I had not been mugged,” she said. “It would have gotten to me much later and in a larger state.”

The thing with so-called “grass experts” is that they’ll tell you whatever you want to hear:

A First Amendment lawsuit over the rights of protesters to rally at Central Park could turn, in part, on the lawn care strategies of dueling turf management experts.

. . .

At the heart of the case is the city’s claim that an anti-war protest is likely to cause damage to the lawn of the same magnitude as a rock and roll concert where the audience is standing and stamping its feet. The experts were called on to discuss whether the audiences of the regular Philharmonic and Metropolitan Opera performances at the Great Lawn affect the grass any differently than would concertgoers at a Dave Matthews Band or Joan Baez show.

In a deposition, whose transcript is more than 200 pages long, the city’s expert witness, A. Martin Petrovic, a professor of turfgrass science at Cornell University, said events such as rock concerts and war protests should be considered “high-impact events” for the potential they have to damage a grassy field.

Other events, such as outdoor symphony performances, should be classified as “passive” because they would likely take less of a toll on the grass, Mr. Petrovic, who was part of the team that renovated the Great Lawn in the 1990s said.

The theory has come under attack by a lawyer for the National Council of Arab Americans, an organization that was denied an event permit for an anti-war rally in 2004. The lawyer, Carl Messineo, argues that Mr. Petrovic’s reasoning doesn’t shed much light on whether his group’s proposed rally would have harmed the lawn. In the deposition, Mr. Messineo tested the limits of Mr. Petrovic’s distinction.

“Do you agree, is it your hypothesis that, for example a Joan Baez concert would not likely be a passive event,” Mr. Messineo, asked Mr. Petrovic at the 2005 deposition.

Mr. Petrovic said he could not answer the question as he had seen only an indoor performance by the folksinger.

Mr. Messineo pressed on, asking whether an outdoor anti-war concert by Pete Seeger would do damage to the Great Lawn.

Mr. Petrovic’s response was inconclusive.

“Could he stir the crowd to be very flamboyant? I don’t know,” Mr. Petrovic said.

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire:

A feud between Gypsies turned violent in Soho on Tuesday night, when several men attacked a local fortuneteller and her husband.

According to Elaine Marino, the incident started when three Gypsies tried to break into her daughter-in-law Linda’s white Porsche, which was parked near her business, Linda’s Psychic Shop, at Spring and Sullivan Sts. Marino said that when her daughter came out of the shop, they assaulted her on the sidewalk. Marino’s son, Jesse, Linda’s husband, also was attacked by the men, his mother said. (Marino declined to provide the last names of her son and daughter-in-law.)

. . .

According to a witness at the bar, the attackers were enraged at Jesse for having sex with his “first cousin,” and, in fact, had beaten him up in Florida for this previously.

Marino claimed the men had been “stalking” her son and his wife. She, too, said the feud stemmed from earlier trouble with the men during an encounter in Florida.

“It’s some kind of jealousy, vendetta, from Florida,” she said. Asked what type of jealousy, she said, “Some jealousy over a car.

“We’re not part of the same clan. They’re from Canada,” she said of the assailants. Her son Jesse grew up in the neighborhood, and Linda owns another psychic shop nearby, she said. They are all Romani, Gypsies, she said.

Buried lede: The fortuneteller’s Porsche confirms once and for all that New Yorkers are wasting entirely too much money on psychics.

G o ahead, try to tell me this isn’t incomprehensibly brilliant:

[Wayne] Schaffel, 50, doesn’t have an MBA and doesn’t believe he needs it. He runs on a different skill set: passion for his job, great sales skills and a willingness to work 24/7. His company, PR for Less, helps small business owners get press and build a name for themselves without the hefty price tag of larger firms.

“PR for Less has a goal,” Schaffel said. “We bring public relations to entrepreneurs who want and need it.”

Keith Niaseling, 52, needed help. He’s been attending networking sessions to get publicity for his clients: Manhattan’s growing ukulele player population.

“Two years ago there were only a dozen,” Niaseling said. “Now there are about 40 and the number is growing. What I try and do for my clients is to get publicity for singers and songwriters in the uke scene.”

Niaseling, a ukulele performer himself who uses the stage name Moosekarloff, feels his strength as a businessman lies in his musical experience.

“I’m not a fancy guy in a suit,” he said. “I’m a performer and an odd hybrid. I’m out of the ordinary. This whole thing is out of the ordinary.”

Schaffel said in past weeks the group’s attendees had included Bonnie Dunn, who runs the burlesque show, La Scandal, at the Cutting Room and a woman who had opened a Chinese language center on Mott Street.

“I was going to go to China to teach English,” Niaseling interrupted, “but then ukulele consciousness took off.”

The two men explained that because their businesses were untraditional, meeting at a known location like Hooters was important to their business plan.

“Also, I wanted something laid back and unexpected,” Schaffel said. “I’m hoping to expand this meeting all over the country in other cities, and Hooters is a franchise with chains everywhere.”

I swear to god that’s what it says.

Councilmember Leroy Comrie’s press officer really needs to remind him of the importance of never repeating the negative:

Councilman Leroy Comrie (D St. Albans) is supporting student involvement in the recent moratorium on the N word by announcing a citywide essay contest, where the winners will be honored by the City Council later this month.

Students wanting to participate must write a 250 word essay under the theme “Why The N Word Should Never Be Used” in typed, double spaced format. The contest is open to all New York City students in grades six through nine, or who are between the ages of 10 and 13.

Comrie’s office will pick the best written essays, although there is currently no limit on how many winners will be chosen. Preliminary plans call for one winner from each school district throughout the five boroughs.

The contest is part of the legislator’s moratorium, which was announced Feb. 1, to coincide with the start of Black History Month. He’s requesting that all New York City residents refrain from using the N word the entire month, and that students discuss the N word issue in their schools.

Backstory: There Oughta Be A Law . . . Or At Least A Resolution Calling For A Symbolic Moratorium

If homeowners get a $400 tax rebate because property taxes were increased and renters get a $300 tax rebate because property taxes were increased, what exactly is the point of increasing property taxes in the first place? Oh well, whatever:

The City Council speaker, Christine Quinn, in her first State of the City speech today, will propose creating a $300 tax credit that about 1.1 million renters in New York City could collect as early as 2008.

The proposed credit would be available to tenants based on their income. A single person earning $43,000 a year or less, for example, would be eligible for the credit, as would a married couple with two children earning up to $75,000 a year. To receive the benefit, tenants would need to file personal income taxes with the city or state. Renters who do not owe taxes also would have to file their income taxes to get access to the credit.

“Over two-thirds of our residents rent their homes, and for too long they’ve been forgotten and ignored when it comes to tax relief,” Ms. Quinn will say today, according to an advance copy of a portion of her speech. “They’ve not benefited from the rebates or tax breaks owning a home can bring.”

. . .

A deputy research director of the Citizens Budget Commission, Elizabeth Lynam, said it is a good idea to give New York renters some financial respite, as they have been left out of tax relief packages for property owners. But she said restructuring the city’s property tax system so it does not place such a high burden on owners of commercial and rental properties would likely lead to a reduction in rent costs and provide wider cost savings for renters, regardless of their income level.

“That is less direct, but has the advantage of reaching a broader group,” she said. “If you just did it in the form of lower taxes, then landlords would pass along” the savings to their tenants.