Fuck you, cab driver:

About 3,000 New York City taxi drivers routinely overcharged riders over two years by surreptitiously fixing their meters to charge rates that would normally apply only to trips outside the five boroughs, according to the city’s Taxi and Limousine Commission.

. . .

The Taxi and Limousine Commission directed meter manufacturers to modify the equipment, to warn riders when the rate rises.
The drivers’ scheme, the commission said, involved 1.8 million rides and cost passengers an average of $4 to $5 extra per trip. The drivers, officials said, flipped switches on their meters that kicked in the higher rates, costing New York City riders a total of $8.3 million.

Which looks worse, Eli pimping plagued Toyota cars or Eli bilking St. Vincent’s as it nears bankruptcy? Tough call:

Giant quarterback Eli Manning got a lousy reception yesterday for a secret marketing deal with cash-strapped St. Vincent’s Medical Center that paid him at least $500,000 over the last three years.

After inquiries by The Post Sunday, Manning and the Greenwich Village hospital said they had canceled a $1 million pact that would have paid him $200,000 a year through 2014.

But as late as last December, Manning’s agent requested a $125,000 payment from St. Vincent’s that was months overdue, sources said.

The tardy check was finally sent to Manning’s firm, PWL Inc.

Location Scout: St. Vincent’s Hospital Manhattan.

Someone should see if obesity rates have soared — literally soared! — around the area where no new parks have been built:

Three and a half years after Mayor Bloomberg closed huge portions of Mullaly and Macombs Dam parks to make way for the Yankees new $1.5 billion stadium, the replacement ballfields the city promised are nowhere to be seen.

. . .

Shea Stadium, in case anyone has forgotten, came tumbling down in fewer than eight months. It was leveled quickly because the Mets needed the land for parking.

Location Scout: New Yankee Stadium.

Apparently now that the election season has come and gone city ticket agents can go back to doing what they do best — cheap collars in Astoria:

Swarms of traffic agents patrol the jammed streets of Astoria’s commercial strips every day, writing tickets for expired meters and double-parked cars — even as drivers sit in their vehicles.

Earlier: We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Quotas — We Have Productivity Goals For That!; Countless Hovers Under Cover Of The Street, Or, The Gift Down Below.

Wow, you can climb into a cool pimped out limo and smoke pot with the driver:

The owners of Stuyvesant Town and Peter Cooper Village, the iconic middle-class housing complexes overlooking the East River in Manhattan, have decided to turn over the properties to creditors, officials said Monday morning.

. . .

For tenant advocates and urban planners, the sale underscored the loss of affordable housing in the city and the highly speculative financial structures that, they warned, would only end in disaster.

Sorry, wrong link there . . . turns out you can actually pay $100 an hour to rent a pimped out limo and smoke pot with the driver:

For $100 an hour, late-night club crawlers can spread across its red leather seats, roll up its tinted windows and share a fat joint with the driver – Al, the affable cannabis chauffeur.

Apparently the cops need stuff to do:

Two Bronx men were locked up and left to rot in a filthy jail cell for nearly a week after a pair of bumbling cops mistook their candy for a bag of crack.

The “drugs” were finally tested five days later and determined to be popular Coco (coconut) Candy. The charges were dropped — but there were no apologies from the NYPD.

“Sweet happens,” a police source glibly said of the boondoggle.

. . .

The trouble began the night of Jan. 15, as José Pena, a 48-year-old plumber, and his longtime pal and colleague Cesar Rodriguez, 33, were headed to a party, and decided to stop at a bodega on 181st Street and the Grand Concourse.

When they came out, cops were waiting and asked to search their Ford minivan. “I said ‘Go search.’ I even opened the door,” Rodriguez told The Post.

An officer rummaged around, came out holding a “Hello Kitty” sandwich bag, and shouted “Bingo!” the men said.

“It’s only candy!” Rodriguez said, as the cops handcuffed him and Pena, and several other police cars rushed to the scene.

Rodriguez said he buys a 50-cent bag of Coco Candy, a hard coconut-based treat, almost every day. Because it easily crumbles, he puts it in a sandwich bag.

“I didn’t know having candy was a crime,” he said.

Bloomberg goes to bat for the fashion industry to the detriment of the homeless:

New York City officials destroyed tons of new, unworn clothing and footwear last year that had been seized in raids on counterfeit label operations, abandoning a practice of giving knockoff garments to groups that help the needy.

. . .

Another government agency that confiscates large volumes of pirated clothing, United States Customs and Border Protection, donated $78 million in such goods last year. The donations are made only with the consent of the trademark holder, and are limited to essentials like clothing and shoes; they do not include fake Rolex watches or Gucci handbags.

In Los Angeles, shoes that would otherwise have been destroyed were given to Samaritan’s Feet, said John Saleh, a spokesman for the customs agency. Other ports that have participated are Detroit, El Paso and San Francisco. In New York, customs officials recently began working with World Vision.

“Usually the holder of the intellectual property rights allows us to do it,” Mr. Saleh said. If the trademarks can be removed, the goods are given to organizations near the ports, Mr. Saleh said. If they can’t be, they are shipped abroad.

Until recently, New York had a similar policy. In 2006, Mr. Bloomberg announced that the city would send shipments of knockoffs to aid victims of Hurricane Katrina. In that case, said Jason Post, a spokesman for the mayor, the city had the assistance of World Vision in sorting through the materials, a daunting task — but one that World Vision and the clothing bank say they still do.

Many major fashion brands have their headquarters in New York City, and Mr. Bloomberg has made prosecution of trademark infringement a priority for his administration. The companies also take actions in civil court against the pirates, an expensive process, to protect the designers’ names.

“These are people who spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, some of them millions, to get counterfeit goods off the street,” said Robert Tucker, a lawyer with the firm of Tucker and Lafiti, whose fashion clients include Chrome Hearts, Steve Madden, Zac Posen and Ed Hardy. “Everyone wants to feed and clothe the homeless. But how are you going to spend all this money and then put it back on the street?”

They smell a “rat” down in the subway tunnels:

Subway worker Juan de los Santos suffered a broken nose, broken teeth and a gash that needed eight stitches when he slammed into the tracks at the Wilson Ave. station on the L line early Wednesday, he told the Daily News.

. . .

De los Santos said word spread among track workers that he was a whistleblower.

“No matter where I go, always someone says, ‘This is the guy. This is the rat,’ ” de los Santos said. “All the time, I have felt threatened.”

The Transit Workers Union takes those automatic dues checkoffs very seriously:

Callous union administrators refused to give a dead track worker’s grieving family a customary Bible because he fell behind on his dues before dying, colleagues charged Monday.

. . .

[A friend and fellow signal maintainer] went to the union’s Manhattan headquarters last week to pick up the Bible, but a clerk and Local 100 staffer told him they couldn’t authorize release of the Bible, prompting him to go to the president’s office.

Then a president’s office secretary said a Bible wouldn’t be provided because [dead track worker Jose] Rodriguez was not up to date with his dues and not a “member in good standing,” [the friend] said.

. . .

[O]ther signal maintainers chipped in to buy a Bible, which was presented to the family at the wake last Wednesday, they said.

Union dues are automatically deducted from transit workers’ paychecks, but the checkoffs were suspended for approximately 16 months as punishment for the illegal 2005 bus and subway strike.

During that time, Local 100 urged members to actively make the payments, but many did not. Union leaders disqualified thousands of workers from voting in union elections for not keeping up with their dues.

See also: 2005 Transit Strike.

Everybody’s busy finding solutions to people’s bad behavior:

Gennarelli has lived on E. Tremont Avenue between Philip and Randall avenues since 1996. In 2000 or 2001, the city extended a bus stop from the corner of E. Tremont and Randall avenues, in front of Pete’s Donut Shop & Restaurant, up further, in front of five private homes, the widow said. The bus stop is designed to hold two tandem buses, Gennarelli added.

Prior to the change, the city consulted Community Board 10, but Gennarelli, who returns home from work in Manhattan at around 7 p.m., wasn’t able to attend the meeting, she explained. Not only are Gennarelli and her neighbors ticketed for trash, buses and bus passengers often block her driveway, she said.

Some two years ago, Gennarelli purchased a trashcan for the bus stop. She locked it to a pole but when the city Department of Sanitation stopped by to take the trash, the trashcan was unlocked and stolen, Gennarelli said. When Klein interceded, she spoke to a DSNY supervisor who told her that trashcans are only allowed on corners.

The supervisor had Gennarelli’s property observed and found her guilty of no violations. But the ticket barrage didn’t end. Gennarelli thinks that the city uses ECB tickets to raise revenue; her tickets have all been excused.

Gennarelli thinks that a single DSNY agent wrote her tickets on November 14 and November 19. Her November 19 ticket reads: “I observed a large accumulation of scattered bottles, cigarette packs, paper bags, pieces of paper, tissue wrappers and other debris in the front yard,” Gennarelli said. It was issued between 8 a.m. and 9 a.m.

“I don’t smoke cigarettes!” Gennarelli groused. “I get to work at 8:30 a.m.”

For years, it has been settled law that artists — merchants of everything from hackneyed images of Manhattan to names on grains of rice — have been constitutionally protected to sell their wares in city parks. That apparently is not the case for the High Line:

In 2001, both state and federal courts ruled that New York City could not require permits for artists in parks under the First Amendment under a case brought by Mr. [Robert A.] Lederman. In addition, Mr. Lederman was also a plaintiff in an earlier case which established artists’ rights to sell on the streets in 1997, under the argument that the artists deserved the same protections as booksellers and others selling printed materials, who had long been exempt from licensing.

On Saturday, Mr. Lederman said, representatives of Friends of the High Line, including security and supervisors, had approached him all day, threatening him. Finally they brought a parks enforcement officer. “I showed them a New York Times article and a New York Post article about the artist permit being overturned and that artists don’t need a permit,” said Mr. Lederman, who said it appeared that the enforcement officer believed him. However, Mr. Lederman said that the officer was pressured to issue summonses and arrest him.

When asked about the situation, Katie Lorah, a spokeswoman for Friends of the High Line, said, “We’re actually not commenting right now” and referred all questions to the Department of Parks and Recreation.

The DPR spokesperson claimed the High Line was somehow different. The artist in question fleshes out that argument for them:

“The parks department and the High Line people have their own agenda for commercializing this park, and they’re hoping to nip street artists in the bud by arresting me,” he said. “Frankly I think they made a tremendous mistake. I’m not looking to make a big commotion on the High Line. I would prefer not to have to do that. I certainly don’t need to go back there to make the point. They made the point already. They gave me five different summonses. I’m not going to have to prove anything to the judge about what they’re intentions were and continue to be. I plan to go back there to sell my art if not to protest, and I have a right to. I intend to exercise that right.”

Location Scout: High Line.

Which translates to the Daily News having to wait over four months to receive photos of the mayor with Alaska Governor and divisive figure Sarah Palin, an image that would have become a pretty awesome hit piece for the Thompson campaign:

The picture — and six others — was shot Oct. 10, 2007, when the then-governor of Alaska was on a visit to New York.

Bloomberg hosts visiting pols all the time for short meet-and-greets, and nobody knew at the time that, a year later, Palin would become a controversial Republican icon.

The photos might have been inconvenient for Bloomberg while he was running against Democrat Bill Thompson in a heavily Democratic city, but they belong to the taxpayers.

The Daily News asked for copies of the photographs July 8. Under the state Freedom of Information Law, Bloomberg’s lawyer Anthony Crowell had to respond within five days.

He handed them over two weeks after the election.

See also: Bloomberg For Mayor 2009.

Sure, here’s my email — gofugyourself@youyahoo.com:

The owner of the Meatpacking District bistro made George Steinbrenner and Donald Trump look like pussycats, when he sent a profanity-laden e-mail memo to his staff demanding they get customers’ e-mail addresses or be fired.

“WHAT THE F – - – IS WRONG WITH YOU A – -HOLES?!?!?!” wrote Paradou owner Vadim Ponorovsky. “How many times do we have to tell you how important it is that you collect emails.

“Everytime we have a slow night and you make no money and you sit there bitching about how you make no money, remember its because youre f – - -ing lazy motherf – - – - – s. YOU SHOULD ALL BE FIRED IMMEDIATELY!!!!!”

Paradou told the staff that they must collect at least 20 e-mails each week from customers or they would be fined $100. If they failed to meet the quota for two weeks, they would be canned, he wrote.

. . .

“This was my ‘Howl!’ ” he said, comparing his epic to the poem by Allen Ginsberg. “How many times can you say the same thing and not get results? You get frustrated . . .

“My e-mail conveyed the seriousness, the anger, the despondence I felt. Collecting e-mails and reaching out to clients that way is an integral part of promoting my business.”

So nice to see this article burning a hole in the Times’ pocket. Too bad they decided to publish it just as they called the election for him:

The White House switchboard lit up with calls from Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s emissaries several weeks ago with a message that was polite but firm: The mayor is going to win re-election, they said. We think the president should stay out of the race.

Members of Mr. Bloomberg’s inner circle were especially worried because they knew President Obama planned to visit the region to campaign with Gov. Jon S. Corzine of New Jersey, and he would face pressure to support the Democratic candidate, William C. Thompson Jr., the city’s first black comptroller.

At the request of the mayor’s aides, Geoffrey Canada, chief executive of the Harlem Children’s Zone, telephoned Valerie Jarrett, senior adviser to the president.

“I know she is close to the president and has his ear,” said Mr. Canada, whose nonprofit group has received $600,000 in personal donations from Mr. Bloomberg.

A close adviser to the mayor, who stayed neutral in the presidential race, described the campaign’s pitch to the White House this way: “He didn’t pick sides in your race. Don’t pick sides in his.”

The president’s office agreed, and in early October alerted Bloomberg aides that it would offer only a halfhearted Friday afternoon endorsement for Mr. Thompson, and Mr. Obama did not campaign with him.

In the race for mayor of New York City, there was one campaign on the surface. But there was a more dramatic effort, unfolding behind the scenes, that really mattered: ensuring, through money and muscle, that Mr. Bloomberg faced no serious obstacle to winning a third term.

See also: Bloomberg For Mayor 2009.

God Bless Ronan Tynan? No — God Damn Ronan Tynan:

The famous Irish tenor — who has become a iconic staple of New York Yankees playoff games for much of this decade — admitted to making the slur Thursday to a Jewish woman who was looking to buy an a apartment in his East Side building, a team spokeswoman said.

His gig singing for last night game was then cancelled. It was a move that even Yankees fans who loved the singer agreed with.

. . .

The alleged slur came while Dr. Gabrielle Gold-von Simson, an NYU Medical center pediatrician, was inspecting the building with a real estate agent and they bumped into the golden-throated team singer.

The agent joked to Tynan: “Don’t worry they are not Red Sox fans.”

And for some reason Tynan responded by saying: “I don’t care about that, as long as they are not Jewish.”

The burst of bigotry stunned Gold-von Simson, who said “Why is that?”

According to the team, Tynan said that a lot of “scary” Jewish ladies had been looking at the apartment before.

This comes after the Yankees were forced to settle with a fan for trying to use the bathroom during the song.

U2, the masters of the generous gesture bound to look good on videotape, provide Mayor Bloomberg with another generous gesture that looked good on videotape (or YouTube, as the case may be), but the real question is how much that carbon offset is worth:

CBS 2 caught Bloomberg’s chopper buzzing the Meadowlands as he searched in vain for the right place to land the chopper so the mayor could go to the U2 concert. It was a test run, and the pilot botched it, so when he came back with the mayor, he had to land farther away.

But it left the oh-so-green mayor’s face oh-so-red on Friday. CBS 2’s Political Reporter Marcia Kramer reminded Bloomberg that it takes a lot more energy to fly a chopper than a car, wasting a lot of energy.

“I suppose you could say that, but there’s other ways to get around,” he said. “Some are more energy efficient, I could have walked or swam across the river as well, that would have used less.”

It was a “gotcha” moment for an avowed environmentalist. He regularly takes the subway and appeared Thursday with former Vice President Al Gore to say painting rooftops white saves energy. On Friday, he talked about teaching building supers energy-saving practices.

“I believe government should lead by example,” Bloomberg added.

The mayor was anxious to get to the U2 concert for a meeting with Bono, who later praised the mayor’s philanthropy.

. . .

The mayor is so green that five different environmental groups refused to comment about the story.

A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips*:

As a billionaire in one of the dining capitals of the world, he can eat anything he wants. But he is obsessed with his weight — so much so that the sight of an unflattering photo of himself can trigger weeks of intense dieting and crankiness, according to friends and aides.

His food issues have become New York City’s. Although he has described his battle against unhealthy foods as common-sense public policy that will shed pounds (and save lives), many of his targets overlap with his own cravings.

“I like a Big Mac like everybody else,” he confessed the other day, explaining the city’s warts-and-all approach to fast food. “I just want to know how many calories are in it.”

Under his watch, the city has declared sodium an enemy, asking restaurants and food manufacturers to voluntarily cut the salt in their dishes by 20 percent or more, and encouraging diners to “shake the habit” by asking waiters for food without added salt.

But Mr. Bloomberg, 67, likes his popcorn so salty that it burns others’ lips. (At Gracie Mansion, the cooks deliver it to him with a salt shaker.) He sprinkles so much salt on his morning bagel “that it’s like a pretzel,” said the manager at Viand, a Greek diner near Mr. Bloomberg’s Upper East Side town house.

Not even pizza is spared a coat of sodium. When the mayor sat down to eat a slice at Denino’s Pizzeria Tavern on Staten Island recently, this reporter spotted him applying six dashes of salt to it.

And then there’s the concept of Asshole-In-Chief:

When he does not like the food, he rarely holds back. After dining at Blue Smoke, Mr. Meyer’s barbecue restaurant on East 27th Street, the mayor told Mr. Meyer, “I just don’t like it.”

Mr. Meyer tried inviting him back, but the mayor would not budge. “It never feels good when somebody tells you they don’t like your restaurant, but it’s nice when a politician does not pander,” he said, adding that the mayor has heaped praise on Union Square Cafe.

*In fact, Thompson should consider making this a slogan of sorts, e.g., you think it’s OK to suspend term limits just this once, but consider the deleterious long-term effects . . .

Pensioners steal the Salvation Army’s red kettle from a Staten Island cafe:

Workers at the Corporate Grind Cafe in Bloomfield kept the Salvation Army’s red kettle campaign going long after the holidays, with staff agreeing to direct any tips from customers into the familiar collection bucket on the counter.

Every few weeks, just as the kettle fills to capacity, store owner Darren Smith delivers its contents to the Christian charity he’s had a relationship with for several years. Smith’s father, Realtor J. Delbert Smith, is on the board of directors for the Staten Island chapter of the Salvation Army.

The bucket was almost full Tuesday when a couple — a man and woman who look more like grandparents than thieves — ordered a salad and a sandwich wrap and ate before walking out the door with the bucket and an estimated $200 in donations.

Amid all the endorsements, the mayor’s real strategy to bring the city back revolves around sneaky-as-shit ticket agents:

Law enforcement sources told the Gazette the traffic agents hide behind the pillars to catch motorists who get trapped at red lights in the busy intersection.

“It’s crazy,” the sources said. “The agents curl up behind the pillars and wait until a car gets jammed up. Then they pounce, scan the registration and toss the summons at the motorist before they skulk back behind the pillars.”

Sources acknowledge that it is illegal to block the intersection, where signs clearly indicate, “Don’t Block The Box”. The signs also warn that motorists who get caught blocking the intersection face a fine and points on their driver’s license.

“It’s the way they’re doing it,” the sources said. “Instead of directing traffic at the intersection or standing as a deterrent, they’re jumping from behind the pillars and scaring everybody.”

. . .

High-ranking police sources said the NYPD is looking into the actions of traffic agents who “jump and scan” vehicles at Hoyt Avenue. “Drivers know they have to be careful when they see traffic agents at a location,” the sources said. “The agents on Hoyt aren’t concerned with traffic control or enforcing the law. It’s clear, by their actions, that they have only one thing in mind — to write as many summonses as possible.”

NB: I think they’ve started using unmarked cars, too . . .

Classy move on the part of our billionaire mayor:

It is supposed to be the Democratic nominee’s big moment.

But on Sept. 15, Primary Day in this overwhelming Democratic city, Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s ever restless re-election campaign will try to steal the limelight from his challengers.

The campaign is organizing a giant political rally for that evening on Manhattan’s West Side, according to people told of the plans. It is expected to draw a crowd of about 2,500.

Starting time? Eight o’clock sharp, an hour before the primary polls close.

Mayor Bloomberg is running unopposed on the Republican and Independence Party lines and will not participate in the primary.

Wow, a placard that lets you park anywhere, so cool:

A car sporting an official NYPD placard issued to cops blatantly blocked a fire hydrant yesterday in The Bronx — as a blaze broke out in the apartment building directly in front of it.

Instead of being able to hook up their hoses to the hydrant, frustrated firefighters had to rely on handheld fire extinguishers to put out the kitchen blaze that broke out on the top floor of a six-story building at 206 East 198th Street in Fordham.

. . .

The vehicle displayed parking credentials for Queens’ narcotics bureau.

A Post photographer trying to take a picture of the placard was forced to move away by cops.

Of course people are going to want to take pictures:

The dirty and creepy character demanded money from people and, when he didn’t get it, swore and jostled them.

“No picture. No picture. You have to tip Elmo. You have to tip Elmo or Elmo gets angry,” the imposter shouted as he stuck a filthy red paw over a Texas tourist’s camera lens.

“What the hell, Elmo? Keep your hands to yourself,” shouted Victoria Vought, 47, pulling away.

Wide-eyed at the loud to-do, Vought’s son, Dylan, 4, asked, “What’s wrong with Elmo, Mommy?”

“That’s not the real Elmo. That’s a bad Elmo,” she quickly explained.

Because the liquor lobby is a bunch of thugs:

If it wasn’t too surprising that the liquor store lobby had used pros in what it was calling a “grassroots” effort, and had even persuaded some law enforcement groups to go along, what did seem astounding was that some wineries had also been persuaded to join the effort.

If there was any group that would benefit from opening grocery stores to wine, it was the wine makers themselves.

[Liquor lobby grassroots group] The Last Store on Main Street boasted that some 80 wineries in the state opposed the sale of wine in supermarkets. Notably, they claimed, most of Long Island’s wineries opposed the idea.

Last Store spokeswoman Leggitt pointed out that New York’s grocery stores wouldn’t be stocking local wine anyway: “Coming from the small independent-business side, wineries want to keep us out of it for the sake of their fellow members in the wine industry,” she says.

Some wineries did back the bill, however, and say they paid a price for it — in the form of intimidation from the liquor store lobby. (Leggitt says the Last Store group had no involvement in, and did not condone, such intimidation.)

On February 4, Scott Osborn, president of Fox Run Vineyards in Penn Yan, wrote to Governor Paterson and Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, complaining that because he testified in favor of the wine bill, he had been targeted by “a coordinated campaign of intimidation and retaliation” by the liquor lobby.

Osborn says he had been uneasy about testifying because “the liquor store lobby had made it explicitly clear that my support of this change would result in my being added to the liquor stores’ ‘enemies’ list, and that my product would be removed from the shelves.”

Osborn claims he received three phone calls the day after he testified from liquor store owners vowing to pull his wines off their shelves. He says he got about 30 e-mails, most of which threatened to pull his wines from their shelves.

Osborn demanded an investigation into his complaint. “There should be no doubt that this is a coordinated effort on behalf of the liquor lobby to damage a well-respected New York State business and put a damper on free speech,” Osborn wrote.

Earlier: Wine, Whine; News You Can Booze.

The Observer publishes a photo of the Times’ new restaurant critic.

What was once a perfectly good closed circuit feed of boring city council meetings somehow turned into a flashy taxpayer-supported media empire and now it’s all coming down . . . more Bloomberg legacy:

In fact, city investigators only tumbled to Scotland’s thefts after they launched an inquiry last year into complaints by employees at NYC-TV. The wide-ranging gripes included charges that Wierson and other top officials were often absent and appeared to be using city staff and resources for their own private projects.

The results of that inquiry were assembled in a memo that was presented to City Hall shortly before Scotland’s arrest. Since then, in addition to Wierson, at least four other high-ranking aides at the network have also quietly resigned. Asked last week if they’d been fired, a City Hall spokesperson declined comment.

The Post reports that top NYPD brass want to see clunkers in the tow pound:

NYPD tow-truck operators are hauling away cars at an alarming pace because of ramped-up pressure to meet a shocking four-car quota per shift — and those who fail face stiff penalties, sources told The Post.

“You have to get your number. That’s it. If you don’t get that number, you know that when you roll into the pound, the bosses will be all over you,” said a veteran driver.

Punishment can range from a loss of overtime to relegation to the graveyard shift to delayed approval of time-off requests.

That fear is leading drivers to tow cars they might otherwise let off, just to make sure they hit the mark.

“If it’s a judgment call, we’ll frequently go against the driver for that reason,” a source familiar with the mandate said. “It’s screw them or screw me. Either way, someone’s getting screwed.”

The source told of drivers’ being called in for “interviews” with managers and subsequently being moved off the desirable 5 a.m.-to-1 p.m. shift and placed instead on overnight hours because “they’re not bringing in enough cars.”

Seems like bad luck to release doves on your wedding day that end up stranded in the park, clinging to life:

More than two dozen helpless albino ringneck doves — presumably released into the wilds of Queens as part of a wedding celebration — were clinging to life yesterday in a stand of trees after surviving a weekend of storms, heat and predators.

“People are looking to celebrate something joyful, and here they have birds that have never flown released into the air. They have no knowledge of how to find food, and they will literally starve to death,” said Rita McMahon of the Wild Bird Fund.

The birds were found Saturday in a tree near the park and next to the New York Hall of Science, numbering as many as 45 at the start of the weekend.

Location Scout: Flushing Meadows-Corona Park.

You’ve heard it reported anecdotally but now there is firm evidence that you should always buy the cheapest well drinks, because it’s the same stuff:

Hot spots around the city have been nailed by the State Liquor Authority for refilling top-shelf liquor bottles with cheaper booze, watering down drinks or serving up cocktails full of fruit flies.

The SLA slapped staggering penalties on some of the city’s hippest clubs for a slew of violations in 2008-09, records show.

Some of the popular joints found themselves in violation of Subdivision 2 of Section 106 of the Alcoholic Beverage Control Law — meaning they kept their booze in “containers the contents of which were not represented on the labels affixed thereto.”

“We may find contaminated liquor or contaminated products, which may include refilling of liquor bottles with inferior liquor or fruit flies contaminating the bottle,” said SLA spokesman Michael Smith.

On track for another record-setting year:

“Agents are acting in order to maximize revenue to fill the city coffers, rather than doing their job correctly, which is to ensure turnover to help small businesses,” the letter read. “We, along with the business owners, want traffic agents to perform their job of enforcing the traffic laws to ensure turnover so that parking spots are made available. Unfortunately, the only way to describe the situation on New Dorp Lane — where tickets are handed out within seconds of a meter expiring — is harassment, pure and simple, the letter read.

Questions . . . 1) What is the Mayor’s Fund to Advance New York City if not a slush fund for city employees to work on city officials’ under-the-radar pet projects? 1a) Followup: Why is this somehow OK? 1b) Followup: How many of these initiatives would be mistaken by the average person, applying contemporary community standards, as a stealth form of campaigning? 2) Why does New York City need another tour company operator? 2a) Followup: And why is this entity undercutting the private sector by using its massive organization and brand to edge out its competition? 3) Do we really need the Mayor’s Office of Film, Theater and Broadcasting making podcasts? 3a) Followup: Don’t they have enough to do by issuing all those permits? 4) Is New York City in danger of losing its tourism or something? 4a) Followup: Why is the City so desperate to promote itself like it’s some dusty Route 66 relic between Albuquerque and Vegas? I don’t know that there are answers to all these questions, but here’s a place to start:

If Cathy Epstein had been drinking a beverage when she saw a report about City Hall’s latest tourism promotion, the double-take she did probably would have been a spit-take.

Ms. Epstein is the director of marketing for On Location Tours, a company that has been selling tours of movie and television show locations in and around New York City for 10 years. On Monday, the Mayor’s Office of Film, Theater and Broadcasting started giving away audio tours of some of the same locations on its Web site.

The agency’s initiative upset some tour operators, who complained that it could cut into their already shrinking business. Rather than offer an alternative to their services, they said, city officials should be supporting them, especially during a severe recession.

. . .

She said nobody from the city government had contacted her company, which is a dues-paying member of the city’s tourism marketing agency, NYC & Company, about the podcasts. She said she and her colleagues wondered how much farther the film office planned to go with the audio tours, especially because On Location offers a walking tour of locations in Central Park.

Katherine Oliver, the commissioner of the film office, which helps arrange filming at city locations, declined to be interviewed about the podcasts. A spokeswoman said the office spent $23,000 on the podcasts, all of which came through private donations to the Mayor’s Fund to Advance New York City.