The Post does the heavy lifting, getting inside of the Standard Hotel and uncovering the horrible truth about the Standard’s viral campaign:

“We don’t discourage it. In actual fact, we encourage it,” a friendly bellhop told a pair of reporters as they checked in yesterday at The Standard, where randy guests cavort with abandon to the dismay — or delight — of parkgoers below.

After the hotel opened late last year, the bellhop said, naked and semidressed staff members were encouraged to pose in front of the windows. The point, he said, was to create a buzz with the unexpected peep show.

“One of the managers even got naked in a room, and filmed it — they were considering a live feed for the Web site,” the staffer said. “She’s an exhibitionist, too.”

Because of course nothing delights a parkgoer more than catching a middle-aged European tourist jacking off in the window . . . so edgy!

Location Scout: High Line.

Many of New York’s weeklies have stopped printing sex ads but at least one is now embracing the content:

Many city magazines court singles and sex-related advertising. Time Out New York has decided to make it part of its editorial content.

The magazine, a weekly better known for its exhaustive cultural and restaurant listings, introduced a “Sex and Dating” section in early July. Along with articles on finding strippers and getting checked for sexually transmitted diseases, it features photos of local singles in the hunt, with e-mail contact information.

“I want sex and dating to be another brand for us, just like we cover theater, music, film and museums,” said Michael Freidson, who became editor in chief of the magazine in February 2008. “But I don”t want it to be the dominant category.”

Still, “[n]ot everyone who opens the magazine to find a movie to go to wants to find a photo of a veterinarian posing nude with his cats” . . .

. . . the idea that pedicab drivers are getting payola in the form of lap dances:

A Midtown strip club has made raunchy rickshaws out of the three-wheeled rides — and management is plying the three-wheeler drivers with free meals and private tours to help promote the hot spot.

In the latest move in its ongoing ad campaign, Rick’s Cabaret has outfitted at least 50 pedicabs with its posters.

Club owners have asked drivers to hand out free passes and are giving them firsthand knowledge of the club’s offerings.

“The drivers always ask when the next ‘orientation’ will be,” said a taxi driver.

First Haberman, now Patrice O’Shaughnessy:

Yes, 10 years from now, we’ll be looking back at former Mayor Bloomberg’s absurd remaking of a city of unique character to one big homogenized mall, where the tourists feel right at home because it is exactly the same as their hometown.

Oh, wait. Bloomberg will probably still be in office, trying to close off E. Tremont Ave. to all but tourists in horse-drawn carriages.

Let’s get it all out now before it starts eating away at us later . . .

Why stop at Bryant Park, the West 4th Street Courts or Central Park? Every city property should be rented out for events large and small:

A wealthy inmate was allowed to host a lavish bar mitzvah behind bars for his son at the downtown lockup known as the Tombs, The Post has learned.

The proud papa, Tuvia Stern, is a financial-scam artist who jumped bail and spent nearly 20 years on the lam.

City Correction Department officials permitted him to use his own caterer, who supplied kosher food, china, forks — and knives — for about 60 guests who partied and danced the hora for six hours in the jailhouse gym.

Stern’s family and friends were allowed to keep their cellphones — normally a huge security no-no. And Stern was given the OK to dress in clothing appropriate for the occasion.

The guest list at the jail included several prominent rabbis as well as Yaakov Shwekey, a popular Orthodox singer, and a band.

The city threw in its own present — overtime pay for the correction officers staffing the soiree.

The Dec. 30 bash was so successful that jailbird Stern chose the same venue four months later for his daughter Breindy’s engagement party for 10 family members, sources said.

Shame-faced Correction officials yesterday quietly disciplined five top employees, including a rabbi and an imam, for signing off on the bar mitzvah.

“I’ve never seen, in my career, anything as stupid as this,” said a Department of Correction insider about the bar mitzvah, which was permitted over the objections of at least one jail official. “It’s outrageous what transpired.”

Questions . . . 1) What is the Mayor’s Fund to Advance New York City if not a slush fund for city employees to work on city officials’ under-the-radar pet projects? 1a) Followup: Why is this somehow OK? 1b) Followup: How many of these initiatives would be mistaken by the average person, applying contemporary community standards, as a stealth form of campaigning? 2) Why does New York City need another tour company operator? 2a) Followup: And why is this entity undercutting the private sector by using its massive organization and brand to edge out its competition? 3) Do we really need the Mayor’s Office of Film, Theater and Broadcasting making podcasts? 3a) Followup: Don’t they have enough to do by issuing all those permits? 4) Is New York City in danger of losing its tourism or something? 4a) Followup: Why is the City so desperate to promote itself like it’s some dusty Route 66 relic between Albuquerque and Vegas? I don’t know that there are answers to all these questions, but here’s a place to start:

If Cathy Epstein had been drinking a beverage when she saw a report about City Hall’s latest tourism promotion, the double-take she did probably would have been a spit-take.

Ms. Epstein is the director of marketing for On Location Tours, a company that has been selling tours of movie and television show locations in and around New York City for 10 years. On Monday, the Mayor’s Office of Film, Theater and Broadcasting started giving away audio tours of some of the same locations on its Web site.

The agency’s initiative upset some tour operators, who complained that it could cut into their already shrinking business. Rather than offer an alternative to their services, they said, city officials should be supporting them, especially during a severe recession.

. . .

She said nobody from the city government had contacted her company, which is a dues-paying member of the city’s tourism marketing agency, NYC & Company, about the podcasts. She said she and her colleagues wondered how much farther the film office planned to go with the audio tours, especially because On Location offers a walking tour of locations in Central Park.

Katherine Oliver, the commissioner of the film office, which helps arrange filming at city locations, declined to be interviewed about the podcasts. A spokeswoman said the office spent $23,000 on the podcasts, all of which came through private donations to the Mayor’s Fund to Advance New York City.

Renaming the main branch of the New York Public Library was one thing — NYPL is a non-profit, after all and non-profits love to carve names all over stuff — but you might feel a little uneasy about city administrators actually spending city resources on fundraising and naming rights*:

The Wollman Rink is already taken and so is the Delacorte Theater, but if you’ve got about $5 million to spare, your name could grace Central Park’s sprawling tennis center.

Got only $2 million? How about sponsoring the Chelsea Recreation Center or the ball fields at DeWitt Clinton Park?

They’re all part of a plan to raise revenue for the city in these harsh times by convincing corporations or wealthy individuals to part with big bucks to have their names attached to selected park facilities.

The Post obtained a list of the first seven available facilities, and they include three that don’t yet exist: the restored pool in Williamsburg’s McCarren Park ($3 million); the track and field house proposed for Ocean Breeze Park on Staten Island ($2 million); and the sports facility being built at Mill Pond Park near Yankee Stadium in The Bronx ($2 million).

*Time was, an executive branch (the mayor) and the legislative branch (the city council) set budgets and allocated funds — now apparently “quasi-public” 501(c)(3)s, city employees raising money for pet projects and shadow budgeting is the norm.

Of course it takes years to build something when you’re excavating dirt by the teaspoonful:

While the Yankees scoop teaspoonfuls of dirt from their old stadium to sell for upwards of $80 each, the community that lost its parks to the new stadium are still waiting for a ballfield of their own.

With the demolition of the House that Ruth Built expected to take nearly a year and a half, it will be late 2010 before work can even begin on Heritage Field, the park to replace most of the ballfields swallowed up three years ago to make way for the $1.5 billion new Yankee Stadium.

Location Scout: Old Yankee Stadium.

Manhattan as one big photo shoot, not only B-roll for major motion pictures but also fashion shows, and not just in Bryant Park, either:

Critics are calling foul on a plan to rent the fabled West Fourth Street Courts today for a private gala.

Clothing designer Joseph Abboud is paying the city $14,100 to rent the Greenwich Village playground, affectionately known as “The Cage,” for the private launch of a fashion line with JCPenney and the NBA.

. . .

The Cage is widely known for hosting hardcore playground basketball games and helping the pro games of Hall of Famer “Dr. J” Julius Erving and other NBA greats

Paul Lerner, a Joseph Abboud spokesman, said “the setting of the legendary street basketball court really helps us depict” the designer’s new JOE collection — which is tailored for the regular guy.

Including, of course, green:

This week, the turtles are celebrating their 25th anniversary in New York City with a public “galabunga” (a play on the turtles’ “cowabunga” cry). The Empire State Building is being lit up green on Thursday

Location Scout: Empire State Building.

Though I’m always upset when I see anthropomorphized food demanding that they be drenched in condiments and eaten, this is hometown talent we’re talking about:

A talented artist at P.S. 20 The Bowne School in Flushing has made it past roughly 45,000 budding Rembrandts to be one of only 36 finalists in a national design contest for food giant H.J. Heinz Company, featuring cash and other prizes for the winners and their schools.

The company had a saucy idea — the “Heinz Ketchup Creativity Contest” for school kids from first grade to high school seniors to design new artwork for single-serving packets of Heinz Ketchup.

Of the multitude of entries just from New York, Melissa Rueda, a student at the school located at 142-30 Barclay Avenue in Flushing, is one of three fifth-grade finalists.

Her proposed product art shows a smiling bottle of the name-brand ketchup, being held aloft by a crowd of happy french fries.

Yes, you know New York is over when the city has to tell you what to see or where to go, but hipping everyone to the supposed joys of Mars 2112 is just plain negligent:

Mayor Michael Bloomberg has a blog entry on the official Google blog announcing a partnership with the Internet’s most important company to unveil a new city tourism site: nycgo.com.

Launched yesterday, the site “is the official resource on the web for all there is to see, do and experience in the City,” the mayor wrote. It features listings of events, dining, and entertainment recommendations. The site will be managed by NYC & Company, New York City’s official marketing, tourism and partnership organization.

Google chipped in with their Google Maps and Google Earth applications. Users can find recommended destinations from famous New Yorkers with the “Just Ask the Locals” feature (From Cynthia Nixon: “My kids are crazy about Mars 2112″), then get directions and send the info to their phones with Google Maps for mobile. Other partners like Travelocity will offer discounts and deals. Media outlets, including Time Out New York, Paper and, well, we here at The New York Observer, have partnered with the city to offer some of their favorite destinations.

Not only does New York have about 60 gazillion guidebooks already devoted to it but there doesn’t seem to be a shortage of web content about it, either. So yeah, maybe it is duplicative for the city to reinvent Fodor’s but hey, then you might not have learned about Mars 2112 . . .

And you wonder why we’re in debt.

Wow, that’s really cool. Who knew you could do so much with a web-based mapping application? Technology is neat:

Google’s technological expertise helped turn New York City’s main visitor center from a place to collect brochures into an interactive hub for planning a day — or a week — in the city. But the related Web site — NYCGo — proved so popular that it crashed almost as soon as it was unveiled and continued to operate slowly through Wednesday afternoon.

Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg and other city officials showed off the Official NYC Information Center, at 810 Seventh Avenue and West 53rd Street in Midtown, on Wednesday morning. At a cost of $1.8 million in private financing, the center was outfitted with video tabletop touch-screens equipped with Google Maps that allow users to assemble itineraries.

Mr. Bloomberg emphasized that the center was not just for tourists. “By extending these new travel resources to our residents, we are giving New Yorkers the chance to more actively take advantage of the city’s diverse and exciting neighborhoods,” he said.

The city’s tourism-promotion arm, NYC & Company, also officially unveiled a revamped Web site, linked to Travelocity’s reservations system, so that prospective visitors can immediately purchase airline tickets or hotel rooms.

Apparently NYC & Company gets 40% of its financing — and the obvious official stamp of approval — from the city. So it seems not kind of but actually really fishy that the Maps section of the site features the “7 Karaoke Bars Worth Singing About”, for example, with detailed directions how to get to each one. If I were a competing karaoke bar owner, I’d be pissed. Or a hotelier. Or a restauranteur. Or the proprietor of an “environmentally conscious watering hole” that wasn’t picked by the site’s editors. Or anyone who could benefit from the use of taxpayer money to stir up business.

Or take on Las Vegas, if you think all it takes to compete with good weather and slot machines is an oversize photograph of City Hall to be used as a backdrop for wedding pictures:

[W]ith revenues tight and tourist dollars desperately needed, the Bloomberg administration has created a 24,000-square-foot wedding palace, in the hope of increasing the number of couples who marry at the city clerk’s office.

“We want to be the wedding destination of the world,” said First Deputy Mayor Patricia E. Harris.

And it’s not just the $25 wedding fee the city is selling. Forget the wedding band? No problem. The new bureau offers an elastic faux-diamond band for $9. No flowers?

They are available as well — $4 to $7 for a single stem and $25 to $50 for a bridal bouquet. There is also hairspray ($4), disposable digital cameras ($16.25) and tissues, at $1.75 a pack, for the weepy types.

The $12 million project, overseen by the designer Jamie Drake, who did Madonna’s Los Angeles home and Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s Upper East Side town house, involved the renovation of an old Department of Motor Vehicles office up the street from City Hall.

Mr. Drake created two separate wedding chapels off the building’s central rotunda. In the east chapel, the sofa and walls feature apricot and peach colors; the west chapel is done in purple and lavender. Each chapel has an abstract painting that matches the walls and hangs next to the lectern from where the clerk performs the ceremonies.

Nearby bathrooms were turned into expansive dressing rooms, with full-length mirrors and long vanity counters lit by the soft hue of recessed wall fixtures.

The city has even set up an oversize photograph of City Hall to be used as a backdrop for pictures.

Bloomberg administration officials declined to estimate how much money the weddings would generate. But the city’s marketing agency, NYC & Company, has already struck a partnership with TheKnot.com, a Web-based wedding clearinghouse, to create travel packages that would include a ceremony at the bureau followed by a weekend in a hotel.

“I have a warning for Las Vegas: You better watch out,” said Carley Roney, founder of TheKnot.com. “With these new digs, there might just be a new world wedding capital.”

Don’t worry, Kevin, the additions to the Mets’ pitching staff might mean they have a chance against Philadelphia this year:

The city will relinquish use of the 12-seat box in exchange for whatever revenue the Yankees generate by selling the seats, minus the cost of marketing them. Although neither the city nor the Yankees have publicly disclosed the market value of the suite, similar suites at the new stadium are being sold for as much as $600,000 a year.

The city’s acquisition of the Yankees suite had drawn scrutiny, especially after e-mail messages surfaced in November showing that aides to Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg had zealously pursued the luxury box, as well as free food and access to post-season games.

. . .

The e-mail messages revealed that after the Yankees made concessions over the size of the suite and the food, the team received an additional 250 parking spaces, as well as the rights to three new billboards along the Major Deegan Expressway and whatever revenue they generate.

The messages contrasted with earlier public statements from Seth W. Pinsky, president of the city’s Economic Development Corporation, that the suite was not a big issue and that the city had received it simply as a matter of course. One message said that the acquisition of a suite in the Mets stadium was “a big issue to the mayor.”

Under the new arrangement with the city, the Yankees will be allowed to keep the parking spaces and use of the billboards, and the city will be guaranteed at least $100,000 for each baseball season, even if no one buys the suite. The deal was formalized last month in a letter from Mr. Pinsky to the Yankees president, Randy Levine, that was made public on Tuesday. A similar arrangement is being negotiated with the Mets, which also gave the city free use of a suite in its new ballpark, Citi Field.

Location Scout: New Yankee Stadium.

I buy it.

And incidentally, a darn good way to make people forget about all those advertisements for councilmembers that are currently found on trashcans across the city:

As the city struggles to close a growing budget gap, lawmakers are proposing selling advertising rights to garbage bins, scaffolding, and even city park facilities, efforts they say could bring millions of dollars a year to city coffers.

Council Member David Yassky of Brooklyn is calling for the city to begin allowing advertising on municipal trash cans and suggested that such a move, which he estimated could bring $2.5 million in revenue, would help during difficult economic times.

“We need to be as creative as we can about finding sources of revenues to ease the burden on taxpayers,” Mr. Yassky said yesterday. “We sold advertising on newsstands and bus shelters and other so-called street furniture. There’s just no reason not to extend that to trash cans.”

No wonder they haven’t won since 2000:

MLB is introducing a limited-edition version of the popular Crocs plastic shoe emblazoned with the New York Yankees logo.

It’s a tribute to the closing this season of the House that Ruth Built, which has played host to more World Series games than any other stadium.

The “final season” footwear is being offered only at Modell’s stores and went on sale yesterday, at $34.99 for adults and $29.99 for kids.

Each navy-blue Croc has a silver Yankee signature logo and a strap featuring the official club lettering and a Yankee Stadium patch.

“If you can’t take a piece of the stadium, why not grab a pair of collectible Crocs shoes,” company spokeswoman Stephanie Koon said.

Who do I look like, Mario freakin’ Batali?

The U.S. Army is preparing for its full-on Toys ‘R Us Times Square experience:

In August, the military plans to open its first Army Experience Center, a combination recruiting center/video arcade/retail store to promote serving your country.

Rumored to becoming to Times Square, it’ll be like the Disney Store, except with guns and camouflage.

The 14,500-square-foot center will be a multimedia extravaganza with high-tech gadgetry, including flight simulators and life-size soldier video games.

That person greeting you at the door? That’s an actual Army officer.

While the Army will sell a small amount of merchandise at the venue, the focus is on building “brand experi ences” that give poten tial recruits a taste of military service.

One of Coney Island’s own, who had once backed the ambitious master plan, has rescinded his support:

Dick Zigun, the so-called mayor of Coney Island plans to resign from the group charged with redeveloping the amusement mecca, the Daily News has learned.

Zigun said he would bow out of the 13-member Coney Island Development Corp. to protest a revised city development plan he charged could include a shopping mall near the center of the 47acre plan.

“This spring, without the CIDC ever having a discussion or ever taking a vote, the strategic plan that I had been a major cheerleader for was totally changed and compromised in a way that no amusement park lover could possibly be happy with,” said Zigun, founder of Coney Island USA, which runs a world-famous sideshow.

In a blistering attack, Zigun said that the revised city plan would also mean a significantly smaller amusement park if passed by the City Council next year.

The shopping mall, which would usher in retailers such as a Toys “R” Us with its looming Ferris wheel or an FAO Schwarz with its giant floor keyboard, is a concession to developer Thor Equities, Zigun and other critics contend.

“The CIDC plan promised a world-class tourist attraction with an entertainment core — lots of rides complemented by year-round nightclubs and enclosed water parks,” said Zigun in a letter to Mayor Bloomberg.

“Instead the core will now be rezoned for a shopping mall full of Niketowns, Toys ‘R’ Us and four 30-story hotels.”

. . .

CIDC President Lynn Kelly balked at Zigun’s complaints, insisting the role of CIDC members was to create a development plan for the area, not vote on its merits — a job that will be left up to the City Council.

Kelly defended the revised zoning plan and a shopping mall, but said the use of so-called entertainment retail across 15 acres of Coney Island was still being debated.

“We’re still writing the zoning text, but if there is going to be any type of entertainment retail, the driving force is the entertainment,” said Kelly, who used as an example a rock climbing wall at a Niketown store or a Sony electronics store that provides video game demonstrations.

“It’s really about the interactivity with the item,” Kelly added. “We’re carefully considering how you define entertainment retail because that’s really key.”

The Parks Department plans to sell naming rights:

Officials have not said which particular locations are ready to be sold yet, but almost any major attraction in the city’s parks and recreation system could be up for grabs.

That group includes the zoos that draw in thousands of visitors annually, the amphitheaters that pack in summer revelers, the gigantic swimming pools or scores of tennis-court clusters.

. . .

Under this program — which would raise an estimated $3 million a year — entire parks wouldn’t be renamed, so Central and Prospect parks would keep their monikers but attractions within them could be renamed for a price.

How about the Mark Ecko Graffiti Hall of Fame?

. . . against billboards that speak:

Last week, at the corner of Prince and Mulberry Streets in NoLIta, a scene was playing out that would have gladdened the heart of any advertising buyer. Pedestrians were turning and gawking at a six-story tenement emblazoned with a giant billboard for “Paranormal State,” a new television series about ghosts on A & E.

But passers-by were not reacting to the billboard. Each of them was hearing an urgent, disembodied female voice whispering suggestive messages. “What’s that?” the voice hissed. “Who’s there? It’s not your imagination.”

The voices, which belong to A & E employees, were emanating from two large black speakers above the billboard, which contained a technology called directional audio. The speakers use ultrasound to produce a highly focused beam of sound, making people within their reach feel as if they are wearing headphones, listening to sounds intended for them and them alone.
. . .

This appears to be the first commercial use of such technology on a billboard.

Peter Swimm, a 27-year-old technical support worker at Pando, an Internet startup with offices nearby, was among those transfixed one morning last week. Clasping his shaggy, bearded head, Mr. Swimm peered up at the billboard through the falling snow. “It’s neat,” he said. “With terrifying implications, like all things that are neat.”

. . .

According to Guy Slattery, A & E’s senior vice president for marketing, no special approval from the city had been required for the sonic billboard. And Kate Lindquist, a spokeswoman for the Department of Buildings, confirmed that the city does not regulate sounds emitting from billboards. She added, however, that this particular billboard lacked the permit required for all city billboards.

While vast swaths of public parkland go ignored, quasi-public park conservancies raise funds with overwhelming force:

Finding a unique gift for your honey can be a walk in the park — if you’ve got enough green.

The Central Park Conservancy is launching private, customized tours of the park, to be conducted by Sara Cedar Miller, its official historian and photographer, for a flat $500-per-hour fee for up to seven people.

Miller, the author of “Central Park, An American Masterpiece,” will drive the minivan that will take your party on a design-your-own walk and/or ride.

The conservancy offers free guided walking tours, but this one, it says, will be tailored to your interests, be they in landscape design, history, architecture — or little-known secrets.

Apparently they assume that people go there for the ambiance and good service:

Mayor Bloomberg is giving a wedding gift to lovebirds who tie the knot at the city chapel — a multimillion-dollar Marriage Bureau makeover overseen by Hizzoner’s personal interior designer — in a bid to make New York the nation’s coupling capital, The Post has learned.

“It’s going to be fabulous,” said one source of the planned revamp, which will move the City Clerk’s Office — where a major function is issuing marriage licenses and performing weddings — from its current, dingy digs at 1 Centre St. to the first floor of 80 Centre.

It will occupy the offices that once housed the Department of Motor Vehicles, with a fresh look designed by society decorator Jamie Drake.

Drake adorned Mayor Bloomberg’s Upper East Side townhouse with Egyptian marble, and also was tapped by the mayor to give Gracie Mansion a face lift five years ago.

The city will use the new chapel as part of a worldwide marketing effort to lure marriage-minded visitors, sources said. It’s part of a goal to bring 50 million tourists here by 2015 and contribute to the economy.

“Vegas might be one location where people go” to get married, the source said.

“But a lot of Europeans, if they go somewhere romantic and are coming to America, one of the first things they think about is New York City.”

The goal is to replace Las Vegas and make New York “the premier marriage location in America,” the source added.

. . .

The Marriage Bureau, now on the second floor of the Municipal Building, has sterile marble, and the door to the wedding chapel is painted deep red.

Couples sit on plastic chairs lining the walls in the hallway until their names are called; there is graffiti scratched into the walls; and, worst of all, there are no bathrooms nearby.

Sources said Drake, who also decorated the billionaire mayor’s London townhouse, will work at a reduced rate on the project, which has a $13 million budget and should be finished by spring 2008.

The new space will be about 6,000 square feet larger, and will have proper seating areas, attractive marble floors and columns, as well as bathrooms and vanity rooms where brides and grooms can primp.

It will be a storefront, with a streamlined security system. As of now, brides dressed in white must walk through a magnetometer to get hitched.

“I feel like I’m at the DMV,” said one man, who was at the clerk’s office to witness a friend’s wedding.

The bride-to-be agreed, saying, “It’s so institutionalized — not really what you picture your wedding day” to be.

Location Scout: City Clerk’s Office.

The concept of selling naming rights has gone beyond just stadiums and arenas:

A Victoria’s Secret Student Center might seem incongruous in the company of Milbank Hall, Brooks Hall, and the Iphigene Ochs Sulzberger Residence Hall on Barnard College’s four-acre campus. It hasn’t happened — yet. But if Victoria’s Secret offered, well, the possibilities are open.

In a push to raise $20 million for its largest, most costly expansion project to date, the liberal arts college is selling the naming rights for a 70,000-square-foot building currently under construction with an online ad seeking a corporate or private sponsor to foot the bill, administrators said.

“It’s not typical to raise $20 million gifts by posting them online, but I think it would be a brilliant thing to do if a company wanted to demonstrate its commitment to women and higher education,” the vice president for institutional advancement at Barnard, Cameran Mason, said.

A $20 million corporate outlay would be one of the largest donations the college ever received, she said, and would represent about 10% of the school’s endowment. The board of trustees would ultimately have to approve the donation, and would likely reject a contentious donor “such as a convicted felon,” Ms. Mason said.

*And when crafting your lede (or political cartoon — Sean Delonas, we’re looking at you!), feel free to refrain from suggesting more obvious tie-ins because most of the ones that automatically come to mind are actually not very funny . . .

He perhaps overstates the power of the Internet:

Is it time for the big city to start cornering a piece of the Internet?

A growing grassroots movement says yes, and is trying to create a “.nyc” domain name to go alongside the dot coms and dot orgs of the World Wide Web.

“When Ford introduced their first car 100 years ago, no one thoughtto start building roads for it,” said Tom Lowenhaupt, an interactive marketing consultant who heads Connecting.nyc, a group he formed to lead the effort.

“So we ended up having to tear down miles of the Bronx to build freeways to start accommodating them all. It’s the same thing now. We have the opportunity now to plan for the future and start organizing ourselves and our resources in a responsible way.”

Backers say that a dot NYC Web address will allow the city’s small businesses to distinguish themselves in the crowded online marketplace and foster better community cohesion and social activism.

“The Internet is great at global things but it isn’t very good at local things,” Lowenhaupt said. “There are 60 million dot com names out there. When all six billion of us are on the Internet New York is going to be forgotten.”

The recent formalization of the leash law has paved the way for further commercialization of the city’s parks:

If you visited Bryant Park on a recent Tuesday afternoon and muscled your way through the throng of suited spectators standing around the plaza, you could have watched a sleek black dog taking an acrobatic leap into a swimming pool.

The dog was participating in a water sport sponsored by DockDogs, a company that promotes the activity. But the dog’s antics appeared to hold little appeal for Karen Merz, a product development manager who was eating lunch in the plaza with a co-worker.

“If it was in the evening and it was like ‘Let’s watch a funny dog show,’ O.K.,” Ms. Merz said. “But I’m in the middle of work, and I’m all stressed out, and it’s, like, ridiculous.”

According to Maxine Teitler, the chairwoman of the Parks Committee for Community Board 5, such grumblings speak to a larger issue.

“There is a lot of concern about the commercialization of the parks,” said Ms. Teitler, whose board covers an area that includes Bryant Park and the two other parks that form Midtown’s green corridor: Madison Square Park and Union Square Park.

Some parents send their children to Montessori school. Others, the Blue Man Group:

Bright colors, fun music . . . blue heads? While those are all staples at Blue Man Group shows, only the first two will be common elements at the theater group’s preschool next door to its 434 Lafayette St. theater, the Blue Man Creativity Center Early Childhood Program. Gearing up for its first year of operation for 2-through-4-year-olds, the center pulls from the sights and sounds of the Blue Man Group, focusing on “sensory tactile experiences” that help children grow emotionally and creatively.

“We draw inspiration from the educational philosophies that children do some of their most important learning through play,” the center explains on its Web site, theblueschool.net.

With a logo that incorporates a splash of paint, an electrical plug and a DNA double helix and a Web site that includes everything from a white paper on tot conflict resolution to a link to the Blue Man Group’s online create-your-own-art game, the program looks to address the needs of the whole child by way of creative expression. According to the school’s philosophy, such expression is a means of exploring and understanding both one’s own emotions and those of others.

. . .

The Blue School expects to eventually run through the eighth grade.

The Brooklyn brand is sometimes freaky, sometimes brash, sometimes pizza and yet strangely evocative of a home-brewed melange of essential oils:

Brooklyn, that icon of industry, labor and pollution, now has its own scent. Not a smell (we always had that), but a scent, a nice one, one that Coco Chanel herself may approve of — Eau De Brooklyn.

. . .

“It all started in the kitchen . . .” explained Dr. Emilio Oribe, who began mixing essential oils purchased from health food stores with his wife and kids about a year and a half ago.

“It seemed whatever we liked, others didn’t like and whatever others liked, we couldn’t reproduce,” he recalled.

So after much consultation with friends and neighbors the Oribes got an idea of what they wanted and brought it to professionals, “to make sure it had a shelf life and all those chemistry details that are very important.” By last July, Eau de Brooklyn was on the shelves of area boutiques.

. . .

“You tell me, what should we do with it? Should we really go beyond Brooklyn?” he wonders. Right now, the product line, which consists of two different scented soaps and a perfume, is only retailed in boutiques in southern and western Brooklyn and on their Web site. “We never thought there would be interest anywhere else,” he says.

*Just kidding! They totally don’t find that funny.

For payphone operators, the phone part is an afterthought:

They stand on corners from Brighton Beach to the Bronx, all but mocking New Yorkers: Pay phones that may or may not work, which you can’t even check for a dial tone without worrying about germs.

But they remain rooted in the pavement of New York, blocking pedestrian traffic, looking a bit like museum pieces in an age of cellphones, BlackBerrys and Bluetooth headsets.

There is a reason for their survival: Public telephones are one of the stranger cash cows in city finance. Not because of the coins that are fed into them, but rather because of the millions upon millions that companies are willing to pay to put ads on them.

The phone kiosks generate $62 million in advertising revenue annually — and last year the city got $13.7 million of the take, triple what it pulled in from calls.

Over all, the number of pay phones in New York is falling, as it is throughout the country. But in a phenomenon unique to New York, the phones are more valuable than ever, thanks to the intense competition among advertisers for attention in a city of eight million.

Phone companies say the pay phones are still necessary, noting that during 9/11 and the 2003 blackout, people lined up to use them. But it is the phone kiosks’ desirability to advertisers, who love them because they are inexpensive and plentiful, that appears to be driving pressure on the city for permission to install new phones in choice locations.