No shirt, no shoes, no justice:

“This is unbelievable — and super,” said Dalvin Jan, 21, who rents bicycles for a living on Central Park South. “I’m going to tell my wife to join in.”

With Chaka Khan’s “I’m Every Woman” blaring from speakers and chants of “free your breasts, free your mind,” the troupe of bare-breasted women — and their enthusiastic male supporters — paraded their way along Central Park South.

“We’re all here for the same reason — to allow women to be free in the park like men,” organizer Sylvie Chabot, 54, of Montreal, told the crowd at a midday rally at Columbus Circle.

. . .

New York is the only state in the country where women can be topless legally, after a 1992 ruling in the state’s highest court. That means any woman can walk around the city at any time with no shirt on.

Just try to read this without feeling any sarcasm or bitterness. It’s impossible. But really, who cares anymore? It’s all a game anyway:

Over the past fiscal year, which ends June 30, the Council spent $48.5 million on discretionary Council spending, according to spokeswoman Maria Alvarado.

But the city had a $5 billion budget surplus during that fiscal year, compared with a $5 billion revenue shortfall this time around.

The funds are disbursed by Council members to several thousand nonprofit and charitable groups that defenders say will help a wide variety of needy constituency groups.

But it also lets Council members — most of whom are running for third terms because they and Mayor Bloomberg lifted the prior two-term limit — boast they’ve brought home the bacon.

Then there’s this:

Following the discovery last year of a City Council slush fund that stashed dough for fake groups to later spend on pet projects, a rigorous review process was put in place. As a result, Bloomberg’s office yanked $10,000 slated for the Davidson center earlier this year, citing “poor performance on past contracts.”

But that didn’t stop Councilmembers Maria Baez and Joel Rivera. Both of the Bronx Democrats earmarked a combined $85,000 for the group in the budget, according to the lengthy list of grants.

They’re interchangeable at this point.

The details don’t even matter anymore. All that counts is the City’s antiquated method of discretionary spending.

So now the MTA pulls the school library card — massive cuts! fare hikes! — until the state finally relents:

Under the plan approved Wednesday, the base subway and bus fare rises to $2.50 from $2, with the change taking effect May 31. A monthly MetroCard would cost $103, up from $81. Riders on the Metro-North Railroad and the Long Island Rail Road would see increases of at least 20 to 30 percent, beginning June 1. The fare on Long Island Bus, which serves Nassau County, would rise to $3.50 from $2.

The increases would mean that a person using a bonus pay-per-ride MetroCard solely to commute to and from work during the week would spend an additional $224 a year. A Long Island commuter who travels from Hicksville to Penn Station would pay $267 for a monthly ticket, up from $211, for a total additional cost of $672 a year.

Then there’s this:

CBS 2 took a closer look at the cost of one woman’s commute from New Rochelle to Manhattan. She works at 57th Street and 11th Avenue.

Healthcare executive Terry Cavanaugh changed gears with her commute nine years ago. She started driving to work on Manhattan’s west side after the train-shuttle-subway combination got to be too much.

She added up all the costs –– gas, tolls on the Henry Hudson bridge, and parking — and decided the extra expense was worth it.

“The beauty of this is I’m on my own schedule. If you’re 5 minutes late for the train, too bad, you missed it,” she says.

Today, the cost differential between driving and taking the train is pretty significant, but it’s about to narrow significantly. Currently a monthly pass from New Rochelle to Grand Central Terminal is $169. But that will go up $40 a month under this fare hike plan.

When you add up the current cost of gas, parking in Manhattan, and tolls versus a monthly train pass, parking at the New Rochelle station, and a monthly Metrocard for the subway, driving is $151 more expensive per month.

But after the fare and toll hikes, the car versus train cost difference narrows considerably to $102.

He’s like Howard Beale without the pipes, a nasally Howard Beale . . . unbecoming of a gazillionaire:

Subway and bus riders need to get “mad as hell” at state lawmakers stalling a plan that would prevent crippling fare hikes and debilitating service cuts, Mayor Bloomberg said today.

“When you see what’s going to happen to your commuting costs you should call your state legislators and say, ‘I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more,’” Bloomberg suggested.

This is because of what now? Oh, what difference does it make:

They’ve sung about a place “Where the Streets Have No Name,” but Irish rockers U2 will have a street named for them in Times Square Tuesday.

Mayor Bloomberg is expected to rename part of W.53rd St. at Broadway “U2 Way.”

The temporary street renaming coincides with the release of the band’s new CD, “No Line on the Horizon,” and the kickoff last night of their five-night gig on “Late Show With David Letterman.”

*I knew I could use this later.

For the record:

For the record, Mr. Koch, a lifelong bachelor, declines to say whether he is gay. “I do not want to add to the acceptability of asking every candidate, ‘Are you straight or gay or lesbian?’ and make it a legitimate question, so I don’t submit to that question. I don’t care if people think I’m gay because I don’t answer it. I’m flattered that at 84 people are interested in my sex life — and, it’s quite limited.”

I don’t know — is it any worse than the 9/11-inspired video game? Develop your hand-eye coordination by practicing ditching a plane in the river. What can I say — people just love success stories:

It was only a matter of time before some clown made a video game about the Hudson River plane ditching.

Links are quickly being spread on the Internet of “Hero on the Hudson” — a game where you have to use your left and right arrow keys to land a jet onto the river.

The game is about as primitive as you can get, as many of the games are on Addictinggames.com. Of the 3,117 votes received, 75% give it a thumbs down. I’m not sure if it’s because the game is lame or if it’s in bad taste, or both.

The best thing about the soda tax (and probably fishing, too) is that it makes people that much more enthusiastic about the prospect of soaking the rich. Bwahahaha:

New York State voters oppose the so-called “obesity tax” on nondiet soft drinks by a resounding margin of 60 percent to 37 percent, but support, by an even more overwhelming margin of 84 percent to 13 percent, raising the state income tax on people who make more than $1 million per year, according to results of a Quinnipiac University poll released on Wednesday.

Even those who prefer diet sodas — which would be exempt from the proposed 18 percent sales tax — said they opposed the measure (58 percent to 39 percent), while drinkers of regular sodas opposed the idea by an even stronger margin (64 percent to 31 percent). Majorities of Democrats, Republicans and independents surveyed all opposed the proposed tax, though by varying margins.

(In an amusing aside, the Quinnipiac poll noted, “Independent voters are the most weight conscious on the political spectrum as 37 percent prefer diet soft drinks, compared to 27 percent of Republicans and 30 percent of Democrats.”)

Meanwhile, support for the so-called “millionaires’ tax” extended even to Republicans, who favored the measure, by a margin of 72 percent to 27 percent. Gov. David A. Paterson has expressed opposition to raising taxes on wealthy voters, but has suggested that there might be no other option if the state budget crisis continues to fester.

. . . some are trying to raise a stink about forcing people to walk literally one block to an open subway station between the hours of 11 p.m. and 6 a.m. The MTA shouldn’t feel sorry at all* . . . we have gold-plated subway service:

Without additional funding, the MTA says it will lock up the City Hall and Rector St. stations on the Broadway line in Manhattan between 11 p.m. and 6 a.m., as well as the Lawrence St. station in downtown Brooklyn. Currently, N trains — and only N trains — make those stops.

That news didn’t sit well with riders waiting for a ride at Rector St. around midnight recently.

“I need this station,” said Eric Marin, 33, of Bay Ridge, said after another late at night in at the office.

“To take it away would make it virtually impossible for me to get home late at night.”

The MTA also plans to raise fares in June, although they just went up in March.

“I think that given the fact that every time you turn around, there’s a fare increase, I’d assume services were at least being maintained,” Marin said. “Otherwise, what are you paying for?”

Without Rector St., riders would have to walk to the Lexington Ave. line stations at Wall St. or Bowling Green for trips that would require additional transfers to get home.

*Waiting thirty minutes for trains in the middle of the night, on the other hand . . .

This is cool. I can think of a bunch of other cool shit to tax, too:

The Paterson administration, working to close the largest deficit in state history, unveiled an austerity budget on Tuesday that would include 137 new or increased taxes and fees, loosened restrictions on gambling and $9 billion worth of spending cuts.

. . .

The governor, addressing the Legislature, acknowledged that getting lawmakers to pass his budget would not be easy.

“The other day somebody threw a pair of shoes at President Bush,” he said. “At the end of this budget presentation, if that’s the most severe punishment I get, I’ll sign for it now.”

. . .

While there were no broad-based income tax increases, there were all manner of new taxes, fees, fines or other assessments, expected to raise $4 billion next year.

The tax proposals are likely to touch almost every New Yorker in some way. The most notable new tax is an 18 percent levy on sugary soft drinks. But many other existing taxes would increase. The tax on car rentals would rise to 6 percent from 5 percent. Taxes on beer and wine would more than double. Taxes on gasoline, cable and satellite TV service, cigars and flavored malt beverages would also go up. And the cost of owning and operating a car would rise significantly, with 16 fee increases. The governor also proposed allowing wine sales in grocery stores and drug stores, which is expected to raise $105 million in the next fiscal year, mostly through licensing fees.

Taxes include downloaded music (”Downloads were exempt from the state sales tax because, unlike CDs and DVDs, they are not tangible goods. But under the current budget proposal, a 99-cent song on iTunes will now cost $1.07.”), sugary drinks, cigars and just about everything else you can think of:

The Draconian plan calls for:

* An “iTunes tax” of 4 percent on videos, music or pictures downloaded from the Internet.

* A 4 percent tax on taxi, limo and bus rides. That means a $10 cab ride would cost 40 cents more.

* A 4 percent entertainment tax on tickets to movies, concerts and sporting events. That would add nearly 50 cents to a $12 movie ticket or $1.80 to the cheapest $44.50 seat at a Knicks game.

* The tax on beer increases 24 cents per gallon, or more than double the current rate, which means about 30 cents a case.

* An 18 percent tax on nondiet soft drinks, which aims to reduce child obesity. A $1.50 can of Pepsi would then cost at least 25 cents more.

* A 4 percent tax on cable TV and satellite services, raising a $100 bill by $4.

* Hiking the cost of “personal” services — including haircuts, manicures, pedicures, massages and gym memberships — by 4 percent.

* A 4 percent sales tax on clothing and shoes under $500, except for two weeks out of the year.

* Elimination of the law that caps the state sales tax on gasoline at 8 cents per gallon.

On the bright side, the plan would allow wine sales in grocery stores, the news of which sent stocks in Chateau Diana tumbling.

Oh, and the cuts in spending could mean massive city layoffs, the prospect of which seems less and less like posturing by city officials as day after day of bad news comes out.

You know, now that I think about it, taxing seems like a lot of fun. Here is my wish list:

• A tax on pure-bred animals, including dogs and cats, with an added surcharge for “large” dogs
• A tax on chunky black-framed glasses — the “Hipster Tax”
• A tax on semi-colons (overused; myself included), and verbosity, especially in the workplace
• A tax on farmed fish, mostly because I’m tired of seeing Tilapia everywhere
• A tax on soap — that would raise a bunch of cash! — coupled with a tax on colonge
• A tax on chumps and suckers because, well, they’re chumps and suckers

Although it does seem like the Reverend is lowering the bar for what passes as qualified when it comes to being a Senator:

Since the possibility of Ms. Kennedy’s candidacy for the Senate has, understandably, already generated a fair degree of debate and discussion, I feel compelled to state that I unequivocally disagree with those that say she is not qualified and could not bring needed leadership to this state and country. My knowledge of her in the area of education and on behalf of children generally, the fact that she has written several books[**], and her other civic involvement more than qualifies her to be Senator. Ms. Kennedy is an accomplished author on Constitutional Law, the Bill of Rights, and political courage. She is also a lawyer.

Elected office is not the only area of public service that establishes leadership in this country. We just elected a community organizer as President of the United States.

Harriet Miers was a lawyer, too! Oh, never mind . . .

On the one hand, it seems like it could be smart to have someone outside of politics hold the seat for a few years until an actual election happened with actual candidates who actually had to campaign for votes. But on the other hand:

In addition, a person with direct knowledge of the conversations said that Ms. Kennedy and Mr. Paterson had spoken several times in recent days and that the governor had grown increasingly fond of her. The person, who spoke on condition of anonymity to avoid antagonizing the governor, said that Mr. Paterson also had come to see Ms. Kennedy as a strong potential candidate whose appointment would keep a woman in the seat and whose personal connections would allow her to raise the roughly $70 million required to hold on to the seat in the coming years.

Under state law, Ms. Kennedy would have to run and win in 2010, to finish out the last two years of Mrs. Clinton’s term, and again in 2012, to win a term of her own.

Another person who had advised Mr. Paterson said that Ms. Kennedy could offer political advantages to the governor, who was elevated to his position after Eliot Spitzer resigned in March and in two years must ask voters to actually elect him as governor.

“The upside of her candidacy is that the 2010 ballot will read Kennedy — Paterson,” said one of those advisers, who was granted anonymity to speak candidly about the governor’s thinking. “David craves national attention and money. If you connect the dots, it leads to her.”

Look at it this way — voting in New York has always been an academic exercise. At least now they’re finally getting rid of the pretense . . .

*Even creepier than it sounds.

**Which books? Glad you asked.