The One-Handed Snatch Of The Green Lacewing Runnin' With The Devil. LOL.

September 7, 2014


Hello, new roommate, this is a quiet street. Please don't yell at your buddy to come down to get you. Edit: only if you're John Cusack. Or Rapunzel. Just last week there was this really fuckin' drunk chick in our planter trying to get that person's attention. You know, Radio Shack seems to be trying to reposition itself. Ironically, I don't own a cell phone — which is why I carry a pocketful of pebbles.


Still awake the night of Girls Season 2 above. Sometimes if you watch SportsCenter too long, it starts to speak to you in strange ways: sophomoric double entendres vaguely hinting at masturbation, for one.


3:11 a.m. and reaching diminishing returns; honestly I have no fucking clue what I was working on or what I was awake doing. One of my pet peeves is when something starts autoplaying in a browser full of tabs.

September 8, 2014


I wouldn't have even Googled it were it not for the extremely weird smell on my finger after I smooshed the thing; it was something along the lines of George Burns' breath.


Honestly, it just made me really cranky; that this happened on the day the Ray Rice news broke sort of shows just how cranky it made me. Reading it again made me think I was overreacting slightly. Salient points: 1) Moms, demand more from deadbeat Dads — everyone should fucking know how to cook — that way stories like these don't have to sound so fucking parochial; 2) Kids should learn some goddamn manners and not sound so freaking ungrateful; 3) You don't "sort of" learn how to fix a car — you learn how to fix a car — there's a minimum, basic level of cooking that doesn't have to rely on frozen or processed foods, let's learn it (another reason not to vote for Cuomo); 4) I forget.

September 10, 2014


If it's not immediately apparent, those are Van Halen lyrics.


I can't find a video of the ad on YouTube, but the way they highlight "decapitate" on the screen seems oddly timed to evoke ISIS. Here's the backstory.


A friend is so baffled by who actually uses Mio. I just really dislike self-consciously oddball ads; a whole generation born after the Simpsons and David Letterman is making culture completely fucking unbearable.

September 11, 2014


A friend who knew I was hedging about whether to attend the Replacements concert at Forest Hills (don't even know if it's sold out or not) passed this video along. One, they sound great. Two, Paul Westerberg looks great — not an easy thing to for a 54-year-old (!) to pull off. Still, I don't think I can make it out there. And that's my "September 11" tweet.

September 12, 2014


Paul George laughing out loud about keeping things moving. Honestly though, I've seen so many inappropriate uses of "lol" that it seems less about laughing out loud than laughing nervously out loud — if you take all those weird instances of "lol" and insert "nervously and uncomfortably," as in "laughing nervously and uncomfortably out loud," it's probably closer to what people really intend to say. Ultimately, we're just a nation of really awkward people. LOL.


Feeling anxious, and not at all comfortable with our lineup. LOL.


Seriously, some of this shit the CSA gives us is trippin'.


Lunchtime and the six-month-old is learning how to eat. He wants to gouge out his eye or perform a tonsillectomy.


A Chili's ad, it's at 0:08:


I still don't get it.

September 13, 2014


I guess I meant to say "house centipede". Usually I crush; this time I thought about the green lacewing. (Beer + whiskey) * 3:04 a.m. = general sloppiness.

September 14, 2014


I'm assuming Adrian Peterson must have been coached on how much to smile on his mug shot, but it's a strange look, and not one I think I'd go for.


I know it's dumb to flip off drivers, but this guy ostentatiously (and dangerously) pulled all the way around us as we coasted to a red light. I'm just like "What the fuck?" I'm not sure why I find it so important to enforce the social contract; must be all this Vision Zero talk. His truck had the license plate "RAMPAG3." I was kind of like "Harrumph, of course," and then I saw his IRQ sticker and felt conflicted. Can't I flip you off and thank you for your service? And isn't that just what being an American is all about?

September 15, 2014


Checked in on the points and was feeling pretty good until I noticed the crawl on the bottom of the screen that he left the game and may be out for the season. We put him on waivers and picked up (ugh) Ben Roethlisberger, who apparently is the only remaining starting QB left in the league. We're screwed.

Posted: September 14th, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Too Much Information | Tags: , , , , , , ,

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