Message To Axl: Corn Rows Are Perhaps Not The Best Hair Style For 44-Year-Old White Men

W. Axl Rose, doing his best Bill Clinton* with true talent like Sebastian Bach** and Lindsay Lohan***:

For those tracking lapsed eighties-metalhead friendships, Axl Rose and Skid Row’s Sebastian Bach’s playing the Hammerstein Ballroom last week is part of an official rapprochement. How’d it happen? “He just called me after thirteen years of not hearing from him,” Bach says. “He texted me, ‘Hey, Baz, it’s Axl. You still around New York?’ I’m like, who’s this fuckin’ texting me? I thought it was one of my buddies messin’ around, but he goes, ‘Hey, man, hahaha.’ He knows he’s blowing people’s minds coming back.” They’re making up for lost time. “We hit Butter a couple nights ago with Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Meadow Soprano [Jamie-Lynn Sigler], and Lance Bass.”

Axl, stay the hell out of my mental space!

* “Bill Clinton” = shorthand for clingy has-beens, as in Robert Sam Anson’s Death of a Salesman-like profile of Clinton in the June 2004 issue of Vanity Fair (written about here, reproduced here (.pdf)).
** I’m mostly serious about Sebastian Bach.
*** Post-“Mean Girls” I’m totally kidding.