ESPN Is Dumb If They’re Not Already Covering This

No one can resist rooting for the Turd Surfers:

They usually deal with No. 2, but yesterday they were fighting for No. 1.

(Incidentally, that’s like the worst lede ever; can you imagine a newscaster starting a segment with that?)

Teams of city Department of Environmental Protection sewer workers showcased their skills at the agency’s 20th annual Olympics of Sewage Treatment.

The spirit of competition mingled with a slight odor of waste at the Jamaica Water Pollution Control Plant in Queens, where six teams were scored on speed and efficiency while performing the essential tasks of their jobs.

Though they had fanciful team names like the Tallman Island Turd Surfers, the competition was serious, with a chance to represent the city in the state finals on the line.

“It’s a lot cleaner here than it is in the field,” said Marty Bunce, 36, who captained the Bowery Bay Bowl Busters through the five-event course.

. . .

The Bowl Busters had just completed a portion of the challenge where a “co-worker” — a life-size dummy — is overcome by fumes in a “manhole” — a 6-foot drop from an elevated stage — and has to be rescued.

Working feverishly, the team had to set up a tripod over the manhole, attach pulleys and wear harnesses that would lower them to their victim.

Once two men were underground, the dummy was harnessed and gently pulled up to the stage, where he was placed under a disinfecting shower. Bunce’s team finished the task in just over six minutes.