It Was Colonel Mustard Wrapped Around The Battered Dashboard After Crashing His Chevrolet Astro Into A Defenseless Tree

If you drive, don’t drink, but if you happen to drink and drive, always remember to clean out your minivan before you crash into a tree:

A drunken off-duty Department of Transportation employee crashed his mini-van into a tree on Targee Street, cops told the Advance.

Spilling onto the street was everything from a donkey-shaped pinata, the board game “Clue,” CDs, toolboxes, and a video game system, to orange juice containers, soda bottles, a broken bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey, mouthwash, and numerous other tidbits.

Inside the van, cops found nearly a dozen guns.

Police also found a significant quantity of unknown chemicals in the minivan, which heightened concerns. A sign with a skull and crossbones posted on a rear driver’s side window read “Warning. Keep Out. Poison. Baited Area.

Glenn Kittel, 45, of Smith Terrace, Stapleton, was arrested and listed in stable condition in Staten Island University Hospital, Ocean Breeze.

Kittel — burly, unshaven and with a bloodied face — had to be extricated from under the dashboard of his gray Chevrolet Astro. He was alone in the vehicle.

From Kittel’s minivan, which hit a tree in front of 892 Targee Street at about 11:12 p.m., Emergency Service Unit police removed nearly a dozen firearms.

Included were what appeared to be a tommy-gun, a pump-action shotgun and numerous high-powered hunting rifles with sniper scopes — some with wood finish, some sheathed in protective camouflage cases.

“That’s the real deal,” said a cop, pointing to the weapons being removed.

. . .

Firefighters from Rescue Co. 5, Engine Co. 160 and Ladder Co. 81 operated Hurst power tools for close to 10 minutes in an effort to “disentangle the man’s body,” Thornton added.

The extrication also was hindered by the quantity of loose items that had to be taken out of the minivan before the man could be reached.

As onlookers stared quizzically at all the knickknacks being thrown out of the minivan, they were quick to denounce the intersection as “accident-prone.”

“They need a light here,” said one woman.