Functional Repeal of the 21st Amendment!

The Supreme Court has struck down state laws in Michigan and New York restricting direct sales to consumers from out-of-state wineries. The issue apparently came down to upholding the Constitution (vis a vis the 21st Amendment) and an “evenhanded” use of laws restricting commerce (the so-called “Commerce Clause”). Five justices thought the commerce considerations were more important, making it a victory for consumers (bring on that sweet California Pinot!) perhaps at the expense of the Constitution (wine is still better than the Constitution!):

“States have broad power to regulate liquor,” Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote for the majority. “This power, however, does not allow states to ban, or severely limit, the direct shipment of out-of-state wine while simultaneously authorizing direct shipment by in-state producers.”

“If a state chooses to allow direct shipments of wine, it must do so on evenhanded terms,” he wrote.

Kennedy was joined in his opinion by Justices Antonin Scalia, David H. Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen G. Breyer.

At issue was the 21st Amendment, which ended Prohibition in 1933 and granted states authority to regulate alcohol sales. Nearly half the states subsequently passed laws requiring outside wineries to sell their products through licensed wholesalers within the state.

But the Constitution also prohibits states from passing laws that discriminate against out-of-state businesses. That led to a challenge to laws in Michigan and New York, which allow direct shipments for in-state wineries but not out-of-state ones.

In a dissent, Justice Clarence Thomas argued that the ruling needlessly overturns long-established regulations aimed partly at protecting minors. State regulators under the 21st Amendment have clear authority to regulate alcohol as the see fit, he wrote.

“The court does this nation no service by ignoring the textual commands of the Constitution and acts of Congress,” Thomas wrote.

He was joined in his opinion by Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, as well as Justices Sandra Day O’Connor and John Paul Stevens.

Opinions here.

Ironic Roller Derby?

As if trying to discern the irony level associated with guns and steak wasn’t already diffcult enough, now we hear that roller derby is enjoying a renaissance:

And there are signs that the sport is moving from localized hobby to national pastime. In August Las Vegas will play host to Rollercon, the first roller derby convention; in January the A&E Network, banking on the appeal of tough and toned women in skimpy outfits, will begin showing “Roller Girls,” a 13-episode reality show. “The dramatic part is, they go and act out their therapy on the rink, which makes for good TV,” said Nancy Dubuc, a senior vice president of programming at A&E Network and the executive producer of the show.

The Web site for the Gotham Girls Roller Derby league (www.gothamgirlsrollerderby.com) describes each player as “an amalgam of athlete, pinup girl, rocker and brute,” and derby girls are hardly typical jocks. Their uniforms are more Victoria’s Secret than Nike, and many members of the league say the derby is the first organized sport they have ever joined.

What should be scary for New Yorkers — the cultural elite — is that no one participating seems to consider it good old ironic fun, rather, this is serious stuff:

More than 500 rockabilly fans, skateboarders, stylish girls in leg warmers and a reporter from German Playboy braved the rain on April Fool’s Day, paying $12 each to watch the Mayhem and the Bombshells in the opening bout of the season, which runs to October.

Retaining Wall to Henry Hudson Parkway: Drop Dead

A huge-ass century-old retaining wall holding back Washington Heights from the Henry Hudson Parkway collapsed yesterday, killing no one:

Residents say that for years rocks and debris had occasionally fallen onto Riverside Drive, which doubles as an entrance ramp to the northbound parkway.

But few suspected the giant wall would ever give way.

Meanwhile, the Daily News gets all bitchy about how NY1 failed to cover the mayhem (“New York 1 News blew it.”). I didn’t realize people took them seriously! Not as seriously as, say, the Daily News! I guess Pat Kiernan was featured in The Interpreter, though, so they’re pretty real.

New York Post headline: “West Slide Drive”

New York Daily News headline: “Grid-Rock”

Winner: The Post!

Does the Asian Longhorned Beetle Perhaps Suffer from Allergies?

If you noticed yourself sneezing more in the past couple of days, it’s not your fault; tree pollen is atrociously high right now. The Daily News offers tips to save yourself:

• Wash your hair every night and, before entering your bedroom, change your clothes to remove pollen that collects during the day.
• At home or when driving, keep the windows closed and set the air conditioner to recirculate air to keep out pollen.
• Avoid eating apples, pears and hazelnuts (even hazelnut-flavored coffee) if you suffer from tree pollen allergies.
• If you are allergic to grass pollen (peak season is in June), avoid celery, cereal grains, melons and tomatoes.
• If you are allergic to weed pollen (peak season is in late August to September), avoid bananas, zucchini, cucumbers, echinacea and sunflower seeds.
• If you have a yard, keep grass cut short and flower beds weed free. Avoid planting junipers, Bermuda grass, ryegrass and chrysanthemums. Go for less allergy-inducing plants such as azaleas, begonias, bulbs (tulips, irises, poppies and daffodils), and palms, pines, firs and dogwoods.

Before the end of the day, I will be replacing all of the city’s trees with palms. We will be the Miami of the North.

Of course, this will be moot when the dreaded Asian Longhorned Beetle eats all the city’s trees and once and for all takes care of our allergy problems: “Beetle may kill half of city trees.”

Familiarize yourself with your allergy-alleviating comrades: USDA Plant Protection and Quarantine Asian Longhorned Beetle Backgrounder.

Who Knew About That Boy’s Sliky Pipes?

Who knew, as in Who knew Gifford Miller’s secret strategy to wrest control of the Mayor’s office hinged on his singing ability? The Times explains:

As backstage dressing rooms go, the rear seat of a sport utility vehicle is not exactly diva-grade. The lighting is bad, and the catering table nonexistent. But it was the only place available last month for Gifford Miller, the City Council speaker, as he prepared to face what would be, for most politicians, an almost insurmountable test of political courage.

In a few minutes, he would take to a lectern at the Eileen Dugan Senior Center, and he would sing.

“My wife doesn’t let me do it at home,” explained the speaker and mayoral candidate, as his vehicle crossed the Brooklyn Bridge. “But I’ve always liked singing.” He broke into snatches of a couple of tunes to illustrate the point. “It finally struck me that if I could find some captive – and uncritical – audiences, I could indulge myself a little more.”

Although “indulge myself” isn’t something one necessarily wants to hear from someone running for office, it at least helps contribute anecdotal evidence to support the maxim “Politics is Show Business for Ugly People.” And lest you try to accuse Miller of pandering, know that his street cred is real:

“Half my security detail can sing the ‘Hatikvah,’ ” he said, referring to the Israeli anthem, one of several he has learned and sung on the campaign trail, including the national songs of Greece, Kenya and Ireland (in Gaelic, though he usually sticks to English, since “most Irish-Americans don’t speak Gaelic, so it just seemed like showing off”). He especially enjoys the official anthem of Puerto Rico. “It’s called ‘La Borinqueña,’ ” he said, lolling his L’s lustily. “Laaaaaa Borin-QUEN-YA.”

No, certainly no one is showing off here . . . no siree!