I Pitched This To Adam Moss As “Kids Meets Saved By The Bell” And He Totally Bit!

Trying to build a subscriber base? You can’t do much worse than salacious features about bisexual magnet school students:

The cuddle puddle may be where a flirtation begins, but parties, not surprisingly, are where most of the real action takes place. In parentless apartments, the kids are free to “make the rounds,” as they call it, and move their more-than-kissing hookups with both genders behind locked bathroom doors or onto coat-laden beds. Even for bisexual girls there is, admittedly, a Girls Gone Wild aspect to these evenings. Some girls do hook up with other girls solely to please the guys who watch, and it can be difficult to distinguish between the behavior of someone who is legitimately sexually interested and someone who wants to impress the boy across the room. Alair is quick to disparage this behavior — “It kinda grosses me out. It can’t be like, this could be fun . . . is anyone watching my chest heave?” — but Jane sees it as empowering. “I take advantage of it because manipulating boys is fun as hell. Boys make out with boys for our benefit as well. So it’s not just one way. It’s very fair.”

That Guy

Last time we read about Joel Krupnik, his front-yard Christmas display was freaking out the neighbors. Today we learn that he is now accused of smearing Chihuahua feces in the hair and on the clothes of its 13-year-old owner:

The Manhattan real-estate dealer who terrified neighborhood kids at Christmas with a grotesque display of a bloody Santa yesterday cursed a 13-year-old girl and smeared dog feces in her hair after her Chihuahua pooped on his sidewalk, cops said.

Joel Krupnik, 57, allegedly went ballistic when he spotted 4-pound Bambi relieving himself in front of Krupnik’s $3 million brownstone at 318 E. 18th St. as the girl took her pet for a walk.

A furious Krupnik picked up what Bambi left behind and trailed the unsuspecting girl — whose family asked that her name not be printed — to the vestibule of her nearby apartment building, authorities said.

The hulking, 6-foot-2, 250-pound man cursed the terrified teen, then smeared the dog feces into her hair, according to cops and her mother.

Then he smeared it across her Catholic-school uniform jacket, according to the girl’s outraged mom.

“She was scared and she was traumatized,” the mom said.

“This man followed her home and followed her into her building and started cursing at her.

“She’s always picking it up, but it just so happened that Bambi did it in front of his house, but there was a tree there and my daughter didn’t see him go.”

After the attack, the girl ran to her apartment and called her mom — a single parent and buyer in the fashion industry — who rushed home.

The mother went to Krupnik’s house to confront him. When his wife refused to open the door, the mom went to cops.

“I was upset and angry, but he wouldn’t come to the door,” she said.

“She’s just a baby. She’s scared and afraid. He’s the creepiest person in the neighborhood. He’s not friendly at all. He’s scary looking.”

Cops busted Krupnik for criminal mischief and menacing, and he was expected to spend the night in custody.

The mom said when cops told Krupnik the girl was only 13, he said dismissively that he thought she was older.

I May Have Walked A Mile To School In The Snow, But At Least I Wasn’t Distracted By 80 Flights An Hour

A school just a mile away from LaGuardia Airport in East Elmhurst finally will be soundproofed:

This time next year, “takeoff” and “landing” will no longer be dirty words at Msgr. McClancy Memorial High School.

The East Elmhurst school, located about a mile from LaGuardia Airport, is being soundproofed by the Federal Aviation Administration and the Port Authority as part of their joint Noise Abatement Program. School officials expect the $7.2 million project, including the installation of a state-of-the-art heating and air-conditioning system, to be completed in December.

. . .

On sunny days, students and teachers are often annoyed by the sounds of airplanes flying overhead. But Melito explained that when the skies get cloudy, planes fly even lower than usual and pass by every three to five minutes.

The situation is nothing new at McClancy, which has been coping with the noise ever since it was first opened by the Brothers of the Sacred Heart in 1956.

“You would have to stop the class, wait until the plane finished and then restart the class,” remembered Brother James O’Grady, the school’s principal from 1979 to 1984.

The Only Arithmetic He Ever Got Was Hearing The Referee Count Up To Ten

Local 100 of the Transport Workers Union is engaged in a meaningful and constructive debate with itself as the organization develops its latest negotiating position:

A burly transit union dissident has been charged with beating a union staffer aligned with Transport Workers Union Local 100 President Roger Toussaint, the Daily News has learned.

“This is a message for Toussaint,” assault suspect Christopher Magwood, 46, allegedly told victim James Mahoney during the incident at a Manhattan bus depot, Mahoney said yesterday.

Magwood — who is about 6-feet-3 and weighs around 300 pounds — was arrested this month on misdemeanor assault and harassment charges, Manhattan prosecutors confirmed yesterday.

He is a bus driver who sits on Local 100’s executive board. But Magwood has ties to a previous administration that lost power when Toussaint was elected, and he regularly opposes the union boss.

Mahoney — about 5-feet-5 and 180 pounds — works on retiree issues for Toussaint and organized protests leading up to last month’s illegal three-day transit strike.

The alleged TWU smackdown is among the topics the executive board is expected to discuss today at its first meeting since workers rejected a tentative contract deal by just seven votes this month.

The contract’s rejection highlighted dissent in the union, which has a history of tumultuous politics.

Mahoney, 56, was at the Quill Depot in Hell’s Kitchen on Nov. 15 to organize bus workers when, he said, he was attacked by a “ranting and raving” Magwood.

The bus driver shoved Mahoney’s head against the wall of an elevator, according to a criminal complaint.

“It hurt like hell,” Mahoney said yesterday.

Mahoney said he suffered bruises to his face and still has neck pain.

(Gratuitous On The Waterfront reference poached from here.)

Just When You Mastered That Wrist Flick

The Daily News reports on a pilot project this spring to use EZ-Pass-like plastic payment cards in place of Metrocards:

It could be the beginning of the end of the line for the MetroCard.

Manhattan subway riders on the Lexington Ave. line soon will be able to pass through turnstiles by holding plastic payment cards — or tags small enough to fit on key chains — in front of electronic readers, authorities said yesterday.

That could mean speedier trips through turnstiles that sometimes reject MetroCards, which rendered tokens obsolete two years ago.

“No more multiple swiping,” cheered Beverly Dolinsky, executive director of the New York City Transit Riders Council, which has clamored for “smart card” technology in the tubes for years.

So-called smart cards use computer chips to transmit information and are increasingly being used to pay for mass transportation and other purchases across the country.

A total of 26 stations will be rigged for a six-month pilot program, set to start this spring, involving the MTA, Citigroup and MasterCard.

They will include all the Lexington Ave. stations in Manhattan, the 23rd St./Ely Ave. station (E,V) in Queens and Jay St./Borough Hall (A,C,F) in Brooklyn.

It’s a significant step toward the creation of a single payment pass for subways, buses and commuter railroad trains in the tristate region.