Business Had Been Slow, But One Day This Dame Walks In And Hands Me One Of My Biggest Cases . . .

The New York Press doesn’t do much to make you think that real estate brokers don’t deserve to be ripped off:

They were understandably deflated. We were walking to Astor place having the usual, “call us if anything exceptional or perfect comes up” conversation, when I noticed a strange and peculiar look come over them.

I had heard about this before: rental dementia. Tired, beaten and finally worn out by the process, they had seen enough and were willing to accept how little they would get for their money. During this “phase” you could rent them almost anything.

I had to think quickly: The shock can apparently wear off, and this is how most people come to live in Jersey City, or on Roosevelt Island.

I mentioned a spot I knew of on Lexington and 26th. It wasn’t even a three bedroom, but rather a really big two bedroom that they could convert. Originally, they were adamant about living below 14th and having three bedrooms. We were already on the 6 train headed to 23rd when it started to wear off — like drunks who had passed out in the bathroom and then belligerently demanded to know how they got there.

“Does it get good light?” they asked. I’d say, “It has a few windows.” “How many bathrooms?” “Yes,” I’d say, and then shake my head in confusion. “Can we put a wall up?” “It already has some walls, why not?”

The door to the questionable apartment opened. I let them go in first. It’s the moment you wait for in this business. You see the crazy look in their eye almost immediately, and you know they want it. It makes all the wasted and frustrated time worth it. More than just liking it, they were worried that somehow they wouldn’t get it. When they were this excited and nervous, you knew there would be no stalling or negotiating with the fee. I’d whack them for 15 percent without even a discussion.

It took them less than two minutes to decide they’d take it, and another 20 to decide where the wall would go and who would get what bedroom. They faxed applications that afternoon and signed leases less than a week later. I had to split the commission with the listing broker, which really hurt because he never even showed up (the doorman had let us in).

One split with the listing broker, another split with my broker, and I walked away with $1,400. I’d get to keep my apartment for yet another month. I’d also bought myself another month in the real estate game.

See also: What Would Randy Cohen Do?

Their Business Is Helping New Yorkers Do Their Business*

Ew:

It was the hottest day of the year to date, with the mercury reaching well into the 90s, but that didn’t stop users of Yellowstone Municipal Park from celebrating a little extra comfort.

Parks Commissioner Adrian Benepe was joined by a bevy of sweaty kids to cut a ceremonial toilet paper ribbon Monday afternoon. The choice of material was fitting, as the snip marked the official opening of the park’s new comfort station. Thanks to $400,000 allocated by Councilwoman Melinda Katz, the renovated station features new ADA-compliant bathrooms, a new brick façade, a stainless steel roof and doors, and new windows guards, as well as a new classroom/office and maintenance/equipment rooms.

Notably, the Parks Department is actually the only city or state agency that maintains free, public toilets in the city. They operate and care for hundreds of the facilities in neighborhoods across the city.

“This humble amenity helps hundred of thousands of daily visitors find relief and allows them to extend their visits,” said Benepe.

*Yes, that was an actual campaign.

Competing Emotional Agendas

Brooke Astor’s son pushes back:

David Richenthal, who produced three Broadway plays with Anthony Marshall, defended him and disputed the allegations as “the most fabricated bunch of nonsense I’ve ever read.”

Mr. Richenthal said that he had worked in an office in Mrs. Astor’s duplex apartment for the last couple of years — an apartment he said was as beautiful as when Mrs. Astor was still regularly in the spotlight. He said that her doctors had diagnosed Alzheimer’s disease several years ago and that Mr. Marshall “spends a good deal of his energy taking beautiful care of his mother.”

Mr. Richenthal said that Mrs. Astor’s health had declined in the last 18 months or so, and that she was in an all but vegetative state. “She has no idea where she is,” he said, adding that when Mr. Marshall and his wife, Charlene, visit her, “she doesn’t know they’re in the room.”

He called Anthony Marshall “a completely dutiful son.”

“One can only guess that his own son has his own emotional agenda,” Mr. Richenthal said. “I’ve never seen him there.”

Previously on: Brooke Astor Is Being Nickel And Dimed To Death.

Khat Red Handed*!

A United Nations employee has been indicted for his part in a smuggling ring that brought large quantities of a narcotic plant into the country, the proceeds of which funded Somali warlords. Somewhere, John Bolton’s self-righteous pushbroom quivers with rage:

A U.N. employee used U.N. diplomatic pouches to smuggle illegal drugs as part of a ring that brought 25 tons of contraband into New York in the past year and a half, federal prosecutors and the FBI said yesterday.

The shipments of khat — an illegal stimulant grown in East Africa — were received by a mail clerk employed by the United Nations, Osman Osman, who sent them across America, according to an indictment unsealed yesterday.

Prosecutors say Mr. Osman, a Somali citizen who had been employed at the United Nations for 29 years, was an important cog in the largest khat trafficking enterprise America has known. Forty-four defendants were named in yesterday’s indictment, and 14 were still at large, a spokeswoman for the U.S. Attorney’s office said.

Khat is an evergreen shrub grown along the Horn of Africa. Chewing the leaves has long been a custom in the countries of the region. Immigrants have brought the habit to America, where the active chemical in the leaf is as illegal as heroin. The trafficking ring exposed yesterday was responsible for importing more than $10 million worth of khat since the end of 2004, according to the indictment. A portion of the proceeds were sent back to Europe and the United Arab Emirates, in order to repay khat producers, according the indictment.

At a press conference yesterday, an FBI agent, Mark Mershon, said law enforcement officials hoped those arrested would cooperate with efforts to track down exactly where that laundered money went. The U.S. Attorney in Manhattan, Michael Garcia, said that the khat trade is a known source of funding for Somali warlords.

*The Post’s headline was actually “Feds’ Khat Nip”.

Low-Hanging Wires, Er, Fruit

The Post piles on Con Ed chairman Kevin Burke, noting that the recent blackout may lead to an Enron-esque boost for his stock options:

Kevin Burke, the embattled Con Ed chairman who relocated Queens into the Third World, could make a bundle off his company’s stocks, thanks to the blackout.

Con Ed’s stock closed at $45.21 on Friday, July 14, the last trading day before the electricity went out for more than 100,000 people in the borough on the following Monday.

Yesterday, the stock finished at $47.19 — up 4.4 percent from July 14.

Power broker Burke owns 272,625 shares and options of Consolidated Edison, according to regulatory filings.

This means that while northwest Queens was sweating in the sweltering darkness, the total value of Burke’s paper holdings surged $560,000.

Experts say that utility stocks are generally very stable — Con Ed’s hasn’t moved more than a few percentage points all year — but crisis situations where supply is limited can boost trader speculation and investor interest.

Burke’s windfall is in addition to his $1.5 million salary and bonus.