Times Ledger Newspapers Come Out Against Ritalin

The new owners of the Times Ledger newspapers (ahem) should probably intervene here. A fluff piece on Scientology? Is Rupert Murdoch a Scientologist or something? I can’t even fathom what they were thinking*:

A Bayside native has been appointed to lead the Church of Scientology’s anti-drug campaign in New York, a drug education effort that the group says is the largest in the world. Meghan Fialkoff of Bayside will run the New York “Say No to Drugs, Say Yes to Life” campaign, part of the secular nonprofit Foundation for a Drug Free World. Although the campaign is run by Scientologists, Fialkoff said they do not promote the religion, only their anti-drug message.

“In our church basically we’re helping people go free,” she said. “It’s all about helping people live lives where they can be free, and if you’re doing drugs, you’re not. You’re a slave to whatever your buying and how you’re going to get it.”

The campaign will distribute millions of booklets about how to prevent drug use, Fialkoff said. The information covers drug use in general. There are pamphlets tailored to information about specific drugs, everything from crack to painkillers to ritalin, which the campaign calls “kiddie cocaine.”

*What a bad week for the Queens weeklies.

Transgressing The Boundaries: Toward A Transformative Hermeneutics Of Black Squirrels

Haverford College issues a curious apology in the wake of a disastrous attempt at satire:

Last month, a New York City Parks Department employee named David Langlieb drew the ire of Greenpoint’s Polish community with an essay entitled “The Black Squirrel’s Burden.” In it, a narrator refers to Poles as “stupid” and “ugly,” and argues in favor of gentrification that would replace neighborhood churches with high-end retail stores.

Since the discovery of “The Black Squirrel’s Burden,” which was published in the alumni magazine of Haverford College, Langlieb’s alma mater, the author has come under heavy criticism. He recently issued a statement defending his essay as satire in the tradition of Jonathan Swift, who used the genre as a tool for social commentary. Claiming to be of half-Polish descent himself, Langlieb wrote that his intent had been to make fun of gentrification’s proponents, not Poles, and to “defend the wonderful community of Greenpoint from the forces of economic and social change.”

While the author has issued the mea culpa, and even his employer, Parks Department Commissioner Adrian Benepe, has simultaneously distanced himself from Langlieb and praised the virtues of Poles throughout New York, some individuals who took offense at the essay are still waiting for Haverford College to apologize. They need wait no longer.

But does “upon further review we just didn’t understand what he was getting at” really count as an apology? It should stick in your gut like a Manhattan Avenue pierogi*:

Haverford College deeply regrets that an opinion-page article printed in our latest alumni magazine was clearly offensive to Polish-Americans and others. The writer’s stated intent to support residents of communities which are under siege from new arrivals was not evident since the point of view of the article was so difficult to understand . . .

OK, so what happened to the editor then? David Langlieb should really reach out to Alan Sokal!

*That’s obviously not to besmirch the wonderful restaurants in the wonderful community of Greenpoint, whose very existence is threatened by the forces of economic and social change.

When 311 Goes Horribly Wrong

The residents of a two-block stretch of 70th Street in Maspeth have been victimized by frivolous and malicious 311 complaints:

Earlier this fall, in the span of just two days, 21 anonymous complaints were filed via the city’s 311 system about a two-block stretch of 70th Street, all on the eastern half of the blocks between 52nd and 53rd avenues. Three days later, on November 4, two more such complaints came in. Statistically speaking, that’s well over 70 percent of the houses in less than a week, all supposedly and suddenly guilty of allowing illegal renters into their basements.

It doesn’t take much common sense to figure out that this was likely the work of a mischievous or vindictive prankster. Unfortunately for the residents of this section of northern Maspeth, the people in charge of fielding these complaints, according to many community leaders, have not always exhibited the most common sense; they were employees of the New York City Department of Buildings (DOB).

The same department vilified by residents, activists, and politicians throughout the five boroughs for failing to competently or honestly supervise the city-wide construction boom of the last several years, was somehow able to snap itself into action this past month, diligently knocking on doors opened by the wives and daughters of men away at work, demanding to be allowed into the basement.

“I’m done,” explained an angry Ann McGee, whose husband, George, works for the Post Office. “No more strangers in my house.”

“Honestly,” added her neighbor Jackie Abramaitis, “no one here has illegal basements. There are no problems, otherwise I would be calling.”

Abramaitis lives across the street, in a stretch of attached brick rowhouses left largely untouched by the merry, dialing holiday complainer. Perhaps even this anonymous tipster knew it wouldn’t make sense to call in complaints of illegal renters in houses that don’t even have basements — as most of the homes on the western side don’t.

Coincidentally — or perhaps maliciously — a complaint was filed on that side of the block about a month before the 311-call spree, on October 4, in regards to the home owned by Roe Daraio, who just happens to be the president of the local civic group Communuities of Maspeth and Elmhurst Together (COMET). “Illegal basement apartment,” read the DOB’s summary of the matter, “with a kitchen and bathroom.”

“I don’t even have a basement,” explained Daraio curtly. “They’re wasting taxpayers’ money looking for complaints that can’t even exist.” COMET’s president is incredulous that the very city agency entrusted with the blueprints for every building is the same one that doesn’t bother to check them before they ring a doorbell.

John Toscano, Unless You’re Moonlighting As Anthony Weiner’s Press Secretary, You Really Have To Do Better Than This!*

Is all press still good press** if media outlets*** basically reproduce your press releases verbatim? The headline**** “Weiner Gets $2.5 M for Safety Improvements” just gives it away:

Five schools in Congressmember Anthony Weiner’s district will be getting upgraded traffic safety measures, thanks to a $2.5 million grant from the federal Department of Transportation, the lawmaker announced.

The public safety improvements were announced at a press conference held by Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Schools Chancellor Joe Klein, city Department of Transportation Commissioner Iris Weinshall and Weiner (D–Queens/Brooklyn).

The schools involved, according to Weiner, are P.S. 220, Edward Mandel School, Forest Hills; P.S. 71, Forest Elementary School, Ridgewood; I.S. 250, Robert F. Kennedy Community Middle School, Flushing, and St. Elizabeth School and J.H.S. 210, Elizabeth Blackwell School, both in Ozone Park.

The DOT studied all 1,471 elementary and middle schools in New York City. One hundred and thirty five had the highest accident rates and were designated priority schools for safety improvements. Of these, 34 are in Queens.

Weiner said the Safe Routes to Schools Program is a nationwide effort aimed at making travel to school safer by reducing traffic congestion, reducing the number of collisions in and around schools and lowering the speed limits in residential neighborhoods by installing signs and speed bumps.

For children ages 5 to 9 in New York City, getting hit by a motorist is the number one cause of death and injury, said Weiner of Forest Hills.

To achieve better safety for the students, each school involved in the program will receive infrastructure additions and upgrades such as speed bumps, traffic signals bicycle lanes, medians and crosswalks. Construction is set to begin next year.

Weiner holds a seat on the House Transportation Committee from which he secured the school safety grant. The total amount of funding needed to improve safety at all 135 priority schools is $30 million.

And John, the dangerous thing about lazily reediting press releases is that these days, they’re all on the internets (“WEINER ANNOUNCES $2.5 MILLION FOR PUBLIC SAFETY AROUND SCHOOLS”):

Today, Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-Brooklyn & Queens), a member of the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee, announced $2.5 million for public safety improvements around New York City schools, including six schools in the Ninth Congressional District. The funds will be used to add or upgrade safety measures such as crosswalks, signs, speed bumps and medians as part of the Department of Transportation’s (DOT) Safe Routes to Schools Program.

Last week, Rep. Weiner joined Mayor Michael Bloomberg, DOT Commissioner Iris Weinshall and Schools Chancellor Joel Klein at P.S. 21 in the Bronx where the list of schools slated for enhancements was announced.

The Department of Transportation studied all 1,471 elementary and middle schools in New York City and established a list of 135 schools that are considered priority schools for safety improvements — schools with the highest accidents rates. Of the 135 priority schools, 46 are in Brooklyn and 34 are in Queens.

The project is part of a nationwide effort aimed at making it safer for kids to travel to and from schools by reducing traffic congestion, reducing collisions in and around schools, and decreasing speed in residential neighborhoods. For children ages 5 to 9 in New York City, getting hit by a motorist is the number one cause of death and injury.

To accomplish these goals, each priority school in New York City will receive infrastructural additions or upgrades such as speed bumps, traffic signals, bicycle lanes, medians and crosswalks. Construction is set to being on the first 32 priority schools in 2007.

Rep. Weiner, from his seat on the House Transportation Committee, was instrumental in securing funding for the project. Rep. Weiner’s $2.5 million in federal funds, which comes from federal gasoline taxes, makes up a significant portion of the estimated $30 million needed to complete work at all of the 135 priority schools.

In addition to the 135 schools announced today, Rep. Weiner is working with Commissioner Weinshall to fast track improvements at 10 additional City schools.

“Looking both ways before crossing a street isn’t enough to protect our City’s schoolchildren,” said Rep. Weiner. “We have to stop speeding, reckless driving and collisions around our schools.”

The following schools in Rep. Weiner’s Congressional District are priority schools slated for improvements:

QUEENS

Saint Elizabeth – 94-01 85th St Ozone Park – Ozone Park

P.S. 220 (Edward Mandel School) – Forest Hills

P.S. 71 (Forest Elementary School) – Ridgewood

I.S. 250 (Robert F. Kennedy Community Middle School) – Flushing

J.H.S. 210 (Elizabeth Blackwell School) – Ozone Park

BROOKLYN

Yeshivat Ateret Torah – Ocean Parkway

*I’ll tell you, he’s no Chan.

**Duh!

***Maybe Connie Rosenblum isn’t so crotchety after all.

****And — just a guess here — if instead of “Weiner Gets $2.5 M for Safety Improvements” it read “Queens to Receive $2.5 M in Safety Improvements” I’m pretty sure no one would have bothered to look it up. Moral: If you crib from press releases, at least change the headline!

Your Sister’s Expired ATM Card . . . I Think We Get It

ATMs, like those new-fangled parking meters, are just so darn smart nowadays:

You walk up to the ATM. Feed your card into the slot, and it disappears. Maybe you get an error message.

What do you do? Contact the bank manager? Push the button and ask for customer assistance? Fiddle with the ATM numbers?

Lawrence Grey went a different route, cops say — he got a tire iron and sought vengeance on the machine.

Now he faces a felony charge.

Early on Thursday, at about 2:20 a.m., the 44-year-old Brooklyn construction worker slipped his sister’s expired ATM card into the machine at the SI Bank & Trust at 6975 Amboy Road in Tottenville, according to court papers.

When the machine wouldn’t give the card back, he tried to pry the front plate off with a tool he had on him, likely a screwdriver, then left, according to a source close to the investigation.

A few minutes later, “he came back with a tire iron, and started whaling on the machine,” the source said.

The attack cracked the face plate and damaged the wiring underneath, according to court papers.

One source estimated the damage at more than $5,000.

Bank security notified the police, but Grey was gone before they arrived, authorities said.

But a security camera caught him in the act, and a detective from the NYPD and FBI’s Joint Bank Robbery Task Force used his sister’s card to track him down, according to a law enforcement source.

He ultimately admitted to cops that he realized “what I did was stupid,” but was worried about losing his sister’s card, the source said.