This Just In . . .

Researchers find that people who live along traffic-clogged streets are crankier, more curmudgeonly, have shorter tempers and attention spans, seem more bitter, have trouble focusing and maintaining relationships, and generally are just less friendly*:

New Yorkers who live on blocks with heavy traffic are less friendly toward their neighbors and more likely to stay indoors than those who live on quieter streets, according to the report by the advocacy group Transportation Alternatives.

They also get less sleep and have more trouble enjoying a television show or a family meal.

Dubbed “Traffic’s Human Toll,” the 14-month study zeroed in on a range of residential blocks in four neighborhoods in order to measure the effect all that honking and exhaust has on quality of life.

The study found that 49 percent of the people interviewed said less traffic would “totally improve” their quality of life. On heavier-traffic streets, the percentage rose to 62 percent.

Residents of the heavily trafficked blocks in the survey said they experienced no shortage of road rage in their living rooms.

“This should be a quiet street, not an access road to the BQE,” said Charles Thompson, who lives on an often-bumper-to-bumper block of Henry Street in Brooklyn Heights. “It’s a nightmare.”

It’s hard to love thy neighbor amid all the honking, others on the block said.

“I know my neighbors, but I don’t want to stand out there talking much,” said Doris Kirtzman. “It wasn’t anything like this when I moved here 30 years ago — I can barely hear the Yankee game with all the trucks or SUVs on this street.”

*I didn’t think I seemed this way.

Graduation And Retention Rates Or . . . Affirmative Action For Italian-American Staffers?

More than 60 years after Little Flower left office, Italian-Americans are still shockingly underrepresented in the CUNY system:

As Columbus Day approaches, a number of prominent Italian-Americans are expressing concern that the City University of New York has a vendetta against them.

Nearly 30 years after that ethnic group was included in CUNY’s affirmative action program, Italian-Americans still face discrimination there, according to a university-commissioned report.

A three-member panel appointed by CUNY officials and the Calandra Italian American Institute determined there has been no significant progress in boosting the proportion of Italian-Americans in CUNY’s faculty and staff since 1977. The figure that year was slightly more than 6%. The panel’s report found that number largely unchanged today.

“One would have to say it’s disappointing, considering that Italian-Americans have been identified as an affirmative action group,” said panel member Richard Alba, a sociology teacher at SUNY-Albany.

The panel report was mandated by a 1999 settlement of a landmark class-action civil rights suit filed by Bronx native Joseph Scelsa, former head of the Calandra Institute, which was named after the late Bronx state Senator John Calandra.

Local leaders in the Italian-American community are blasting CUNY over the report.

“It has been 30 years of affirmative ‘inaction’ against Italian-Americans,” said Bronx Columbus Day Parade Committee member Jay Savino.

Is part of the reason CUNY supposedly sucks so bad that they’re dithering over affirmative action for Italian-Americans?

Is There Anyone Who Hasn’t Been On Law & Order?

Things get sort of meta when State Assemblyman Michael Gianaris, who represents Astoria, makes a cameo on Law & Order:

The assemblyman said he will make a cameo appearance in an episode of “Law and Order,” which is scheduled to air on Oct. 6 at 10 p.m. In the episode, Gianaris will be seen at the City Hall Restaurant as the date of female defense lawyer Madchen Amick, whose character has a history with star Sam Waterston’s character.

But the assemblyman said he does not exactly know the identity of his character on the show.

“I don’t know if I’m playing myself or a generic guy in a suit,” he said.

Gianaris said he was asked to do a cameo on the show after having an off-hand conversation with an NBC executive several months ago.

“He said, ‘You look like someone who should be on TV,’ so I said, ‘You’re the NBC executive, put me on,” Gianaris said.

While the assemblyman’s cameo is expected to last for just a few seconds, he said he spent three hours doing 10 takes of the scene at City Hall.

Geez, where does this blurring of fiction and reality end? Will Fred Thompson run for office? Would Sam Waterston contribute big money to Robert Morgenthau’s campaign? Oh, wait.

Greek In The City, Or At Least Astoria

Astoria is set to become a Greek television show titled “On 31st Street”:

“On 31st Street,” created by Woodside writer-director Demetri Demirakos, 26, and Greek Cypriot actor Andreas Georgio, 24, will follow the stories of several 20-something Greek-Americans living in Astoria. It is scheduled to shoot in the Astoria neighborhood as well as parts of Manhattan and Brooklyn. The episodes, which will be broadcast next fall on Greece’s Mega Channel and available to subscribers of the channel worldwide, will be broadcast mostly in Greek, but with some dialogue in English, said Konstantina Kontalipos, 28, associate producer for the show.

“Our aim is to, through the story, show different perspectives of how people live in New York,” Georgio said. “Greeks want to see how people live in Astoria and what it is like.”

The show’s creators said most people who travel to the United States from Greece end up visiting Astoria, which has one of the world’s largest Greek populations. Kontalipos said a number of Astoria cafes, restaurants and shops will make appearances in the show when it begins to air in Greece in October 2007.

In the show, Georgio, who has acted for several years on Greek television, will play lead character Alex Michaels, while Demirakos will act as writer and director of the episodes. The show’s other six cast members will be made up of local thespians and actors from Greece, but most of the show’s crew will be locals, Kontalipos said.

The show’s creators and producers recently set up their production office for the show on 31st Street near 30th Avenue, where they will be based for at least 1 1/2 years while the 28 episodes of “On 31st Street” are shot around the city. If the show is successful, the company will produce further seasons and possibly films.

I hope it’s not literally on 31st Street since the N train can get pretty loud . . .

Ask A Whore About Losing Her Virginity . . .

. . . or listen to the broker describe his first time looking for an apartment in the city:

It was 1995 and my girlfriend and I were looking for our first apartment in NYC. A few people suggested we look in the outer boroughs, but the appeal of Manhattan — and the idea that somehow living outside of the island meant we were sub-New-Yorkers, prevented us from even considering it. Naïve and excitable, what did we know? We still thought the Village ended on a street named after a city in Texas.

It was before the Lower East Side, Williamsburg, Alphabet City, Astoria, Harlem, Washington Heights or Red Hook became habitable, at least in the mind of the new renter. The boundaries were significantly tighter and limited to Manhattan below 96th street and above the Financial District. West of 9th Ave. was a no-man’s land as well. (Unfortunately, for some, this is still true.) And with the crime rate double what it is today, the demarcation lines were in place for good reason.

. . .

I distinctly remember looking at one perfectly square box in midtown with brick wall views and a pull-man kitchen. It was dusty with filthy windows and cracked floors, even the ceilings felt too low. The broker confidently stood in the doorway and never said a word. I looked it over, “You got to be kidding me.” He smiled and shrugged. I left and, in the stairwell, passed three more people on their way up to see it. Had I possessed any business acumen whatsoever, I would have jumped into the business right then.

A couple weeks ago, we thought Carter had a great film pitch. Really, though, this is book material (some editor should get on this!), and this column is probably the first chapter:

Like all fruitless, frantic searches, we eventually found a great little place on the Upper East Side through a friend of a friend. It was a five-floor walk-up, but sunny, good sized and no-fee. For three months, I was perfectly happy there. My relationship didn’t last and, as everything moves quickly in this town, our break up was equally accelerated. Still unbelievably new to the city, I was once again on the hunt for decent and affordable housing. Eleven years later, I’m an expert.

On to Chapter 2!