Study Sponsored By Consumer Goods Company That Shall Remain Nameless Because These Kinds Of Studies Are Generally Stupid . . .

. . . but I can’t believe someone is actually named “Jay Gooch”. I can’t believe he’s come this far since the days of terrorizing Gary Coleman:

Gotham took first for overall sweat production in a new study — although it came in only 68th among sweatiest cities per capita. The shining Apple produces an estimated 1.3 million gallons of sweat per hour — enough to fill the Central Park Reservoir in one summer month.

New Yorkers collectively outsweat Los Angeles, Chicago and even Houston.

For the fifth year in a row, Phoenix, Ariz., was named the sweatiest U.S. city with an average summer temperature of 95.1 degrees, according to sweat expert Dr. Jay Gooch.

And Gooch said New York’s humidity doesn’t make New Yorkers sweat more — it only increases the “misery factor.”