Message To The Various Assholes Who Have Refused To Drive Me To Queens Over The Years And Then Could Care Less That I Shouted Their Medallion Number Into The Cold Night As They Drove Away Because They Know No One Will Ever Show Up At A TLC Hearing . . .

. . . including the dick who wouldn’t take us to the airport just the other day (if you’re truly “off duty,” turn on your fucking off-duty light and don’t pull up when we hail you*): I don’t believe you. I will never believe you. And when people like me believe a city regulatory agency over you, you’re in trouble. So quit complaining and take our credit cards already:

The average cabby works nine and a half hours a day. A cab’s busiest hours are 6 to 8 p.m. And even as the economy has fallen deeper into recession, the number of cab rides each day in New York has remained relatively steady.

Those are among the most vivid bits of information about the yellow cab industry to emerge from a trove of new data collected by the Taxi and Limousine Commission from cabs equipped with new computerized systems that record each trip and fare.

Among the more surprising findings is that credit cards may be saving the industry from feeling the worst effects of the recession.

“The credit card that we put in cabs has helped keep them afloat,” said Matthew Daus, the chairman of the Taxi and Limousine Commission.

By last November, every yellow cab in the city was equipped with a credit card reader — as a part of the new computerized system — and as a result, Mr. Daus said, many corporations that once ordered black cars for their employees have begun telling them instead to take a cab (which costs less) and charge it.

That has hurt the black car business, which was already reeling from the impact of the Wall Street crisis on its main customers, financial services firms. The black car business is down at least 30 percent, Mr. Daus said.

But the shift has helped yellow cabs and appears to have made up for lost business as tourism and air travel have slumped and the disposable income of ordinary New Yorkers has dwindled.

*And yes, I know the drill: Get in the cab before telling the driver where you want to go, but he caught me off guard as I was fumbling with the luggage (where did he think we were off to?)

Economic Indicators, Too

Not just for European tourists, the automatic tip is a sign of the economic times:

New York City eateries have begun tacking on automatic gratuities to meal checks, making up for the economic downturn by socking the wallets of unsuspecting customers.

The Post last week found a dozen restaurants foisting tips on diners — sometimes as high as 20 percent and regardless of party size and without noting the policy on the menu, all in violation of consumer laws.

“I felt cheated and taken advantage of,” said Dazi Chen, who discovered a 20 percent tip stealthily added to his check at Midtown’s Bombay Eats, where he dined with a friend.

“They’re trying to get double gratuity,” fumed Chen, 31.

When he complained to a waitress, he was told the tip is “programmed” into the cash register and could not be refunded.

Rebecca Christian, a resourcing manager from Manchester, England, who visited the swanky River Café in Brooklyn over the holidays with her boyfriend, said she was hit with an unannounced 15 percent gratuity on a $400 check.

In fact, the menu said, “Gratuity and sales tax not included.”

Despite being “absolutely shocked,” she said, she paid the bill because she thought it was an American custom.

The eatery denies adding on secret gratuities.

“It’s very, very rarely that we would do that, and if we do, we always inform the guest that it has been added to the calculation, both on the check and verbally,” the maitre d’ told The Post.

You Can Have Drink Specials At Bars And We’ll Take Cheaper Haircuts . . .

. . . and less expensive dry cleaning service . . . then let’s call it even:

For women across New York City and beyond, it basically amounts to being taken to the cleaners. Women’s shirts often cost much more to launder than men’s, even if they are smaller and made of the same cloth.

Many women grudgingly accept the higher prices, much as they accept the perennial lack of pockets in their pants and the lengthier lines outside their restrooms. But not Janet Floyd, a 44-year-old mother, community volunteer and newly minted missionary for gender equality in the wash place.

Ms. Floyd’s crusade began in November, when, she said, she and her husband brought their nearly identical blue Brooks Brothers oxfords to be laundered at Best Cleaners in Chelsea. The shirts came back clean, but Ms. Floyd discovered that hers cost $8.75, his $7.

“We had the same shirts — I paid more and his was larger,” recalled Ms. Floyd, who wears a size 4 petite (her husband, Joe, wears a 15.5-inch neck and 33-inch sleeve). “That’s what was so infuriating.”

It Will Either Encourage Restaurants To Be Cleaner Or Diners To Be Riskier

The letter-based restaurant inspection system, an idea floated at the state level about two years ago and which has perversely been turned into a badge of honor in places like Los Angeles is set to be tried in New York City:

For the first time, the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene will compel the city’s nearly 25,000 restaurants to publicly post inspectors’ cleanliness ratings, which have previously been available only online or at the department. Rating signs, to be supplied by the city, will be required to be visible from the street, either in a restaurant window or vestibule.

The agency also plans to switch to a letter-grade system similar to that used for years in Los Angeles (using the letters A, B and C for passing inspection grades). The new rules, which will be part of a broad revamping of inspections, will be put in place over the next two years, giving restaurant operators time to comply.

The department said that Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg signed off on the program as part of the executive budget announced Friday. He has scheduled a Saturday news conference to announce the new procedures.

“We expect this will improve our inspection program,” said Dr. Thomas R. Frieden, the city health commissioner. “It will encourage restaurants to be cleaner and inform people so they can make better choices about where to eat.”

You Don’t Say?

Cab drivers actually get higher tips with credit card transactions:

Cabbies are getting bigger tips thanks to their new credit-card machines, according to statistics obtained by The Post.

Both the Taxi and Limousine Commission and a drivers union said cash transactions on average result in a 10 to 15 percent tip for drivers.

But credit-card customers are bigger spenders. They gave an average 16 percent tip during three weeks in December.

Still, some drivers complain that their tips are getting wiped out because they are charged up to 5 percent for credit transactions.

“A beggar has no choice,” said cabby Gabriele Edet, 72, when asked what he thought about the credit-card fee.

OK, so what actually is the credit card transaction fee? They always say five percent, but apparently that’s the high end of the spectrum.