Hello, Sailor

Once, strip clubs had a hard time figuring out how to best give back to the community. Now, they understand where their charity is best served:

As Fleet Week rolls into town Tuesday, one Manhattan strip club will be waiting with a special drink called the Drunken Captain and, the owners say, all proceeds will go back to the troops.

HeadQuarters, located just blocks from the Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum on the West Side, is selling the cocktail for $16 during Fleet Week. Military personnel can buy it for $10.

“All of us here at HeadQuarters appreciate all the men and women who put themselves at risk every day to allow us to have the freedom to express ourselves,” general manager Serafina Fiori said.

“We welcome them always so they can see firsthand what they’re fighting for!”

The Drunken Captain is a mixture of coconut, mango and pineapple rums with a little pineapple juice and a splash of cranberry.

Fiori said proceeds from the sales of the drink will go to the Soldiers’, Sailors’, Marines’, Airmen’s & Coast Guard Club in Murray Hill. The club has been housing soldiers and veterans while they visit the Big Apple for the past 90 years.

Chuck Schumer Just Earned My Vote For His Reelection

Go, Chuck, go — sink these motherfuckers:

Senator Charles E. Schumer has never struggled to find a reason to hold a news conference on a Sunday. But the inspiration for the one on Mother’s Day arrived unexpectedly, when the senator’s cellphone rang during a health care meeting on Capitol Hill last week.

“You are still eligible to reactivate warranty coverage,” said the recorded voice on the line. “This is the final call before we close the file. Press 1 to speak to a representative now about your vehicle.”

Most people react with annoyance as soon as they hear the insistent — and all-too-familiar — voices and simply hang up. But, then, most people cannot investigate who is behind the call and take the information to the Federal Trade Commission.

Mr. Schumer said he received the call on Wednesday as he discussed national health care issues with two other senators, Blanche L. Lincoln of Arkansas and Debbie Stabenow of Michigan.

He had received three or four similar calls. But the one on Wednesday was the last straw.

“I’ve had enough,” Mr. Schumer said. “These are scam artists.”

The calls are intended to extract credit card numbers by selling fraudulent car warranty renewals, Mr. Schumer said, and are “invading cellphones at a growing rate.”

Many New Yorkers — even those who do not own cars — have long reported receiving the calls on their home telephones. Now, more mobile phones are getting the calls, and they can eat up valuable talk time.

“It’s bogus,” Mr. Schumer said. “Consumers should not have to pay for this or any other robo-dialed harassment.”

This Will Be Even Cooler Once A-Rod Starts Underperforming After The All-Star Break

[Crowd In Right Field Bleachers Hurls Double AA Batteries and Chants “Ass-hole, Ass-hole”]:

At the new Yankee Stadium, deaf fans can experience “everything” — even the boos.

. . .

When ex-Yankee and current Cleveland Indian pitcher Carl Pavano was announced, the Bronx boobirds were out in force.

As the jeers fell on the chronically injured righty, the centerfield scoreboard read: “Number 44, Carl Pavano [Crowd Boos].”

The captioning is done by a person, not a computer program, said team spokeswoman Alice McGillion.

“Everything that happens goes up there,” she said.

Location Scout: New Yankee Stadium.

Wolfson Texts Him Afterwards, “I Don’t Know How To Break This To You, But You Sound Like A Real Prick When You Suck Up To Rich People”

The Times’ David Chen is on a tear (“Declaring that ‘we love the rich people,’ Mr. Bloomberg has opposed capping executive pay, increasing the capital gains tax or raising income taxes on the wealthy”), and Michael Barbaro joins in:

Want to stay safe in New York City? If Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s theory is right, you may want to surround yourself with readers of The Wall Street Journal.

During a television interview about gun control on Monday, Mr. Bloomberg suggested that the titans of American capitalism who subscribe to the newspaper are simply not the homicidal kind.

“I don’t know how to break this to you,” he told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, “but people that go out and murder people don’t read The Wall Street Journal.”

The claim drew consternation from criminologists, who quickly ticked off a long list of financiers — and presumptive Wall Street Journal readers — who have, in fact, murdered people.

Take the case of Scott Schneiderman, a failed stockbroker in New York who was convicted in the 1997 murder of a police officer after a botched robbery.

Or Richard Robert Russo, a senior vice president at Smith Barney in California, who killed his wife after discovering she was having an affair.

Or Joseph H. Ludlam Jr., a fired stockbroker in Virginia, who shot his former boss at work.

Don’t forget Clyde Haberman, either: “[L]et’s review Mr. Bloomberg’s habit of resorting to self-serving expediency while calling it pragmatism.”

So, yes, even though the New York Times op-ed board shamefully rolled over for Bloomberg, at least some of the people actually reporting the news, or writing for the paper, haven’t.

I Ain’t Marching Anymore

Perhaps David Chen was one of those “emboldened” Times staffers who has little patience anymore for the mayor’s bullshit:

Political? Who, me?

So says Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, who, during a trip to Virginia on Monday to unveil a new pro-gun-control television commercial, made the following claim that should be fodder for water-cooler debate: “I’ve never made a decision in my life based on politics.”

When asked later what he meant by that line, Mr. Bloomberg did not talk directly about revising the city’s term limits law, which some would surely say was textbook politics. Nor did he talk about his efforts, ultimately unsuccessful, to persuade Albany lawmakers to pass his congestion pricing plan. Or his campaign staff members’ relentless wooing of labor unions to improve relations, or their recent successful efforts to curry favor with the Republican and independent parties to run on their ballot lines in November.