Economic Downturn More Severe Than First Thought; $5500 Isn’t $1 Million, And Robert Redford He’s Not . . .

The worst thing about the Spitzer resignation is the inevitable shoot-shit-what-if game that follows:

As news broke yesterday of Eliot Spitzer’s repeat visits to high-end prostitutes in the employ of the Emperor’s Club, offices across the city were buzzing with speculation about what “unsafe” sexual favors the Governor might have requested.

Although Governor Spitzer reportedly paid about $3000 for his Feb. 13th date, the most expensive Emperor’s Club ladies are paid $5,500, according to the New York Times. I wondered: what would New York women do in a boudoir with Eliot Spitzer for $5,500? Answer: a lot!

“Pee on him, shit on him. He could pee on me but not shit on me — have to draw the line somewhere!” wrote an accomplished graphic designer with two kids, in an email. . . .

. . .

Another writer, a politically savvy one in her early thirties, sounded like she was positively fantasizing about the idea of a date-for-hire with Mr. Spitzer. “I would be Joe Bruno,” she instant-messaged “And, like, mocking him, with a strap-on. . . . I would let him come on my face, I think. He could tie me up. Actually, that would be kind of hot.” I suggested she’d need a safe word. “Troopergate,” she typed. Then she suggested that she would also consider a threesome with Andrew Cuomo.

Take This Ball, Bat, Glove, Mitt — I Ain’t Workin’ Here No More

Joe Torre gives the Boss the full Johnny Paycheck, gets to live out the double-barreled middle finger fantasy most of us can only dream about:

It was the longest-running and most successful show in the Bronx in decades, running from 1996 through 2007 and stretching into October every season. By the end, it was playing to sold-out crowds almost nightly, and there were moments of magic that may never be repeated.

But the curtain fell on the Joe Torre Era yesterday when Torre, who will someday enter the Hall of Fame for his work as the Yankees’ manager, rejected the team’s one-year contract offer to stay. The Yankees said they would begin a search for a new manager.

Torre flew to Tampa, Fla., yesterday to meet with the team’s principal owner, George Steinbrenner, after two days of organizational meetings had ended with no announcement. The Yankees offered Torre $5 million, but he could have earned an additional $3 million — and a guaranteed $8 million salary in 2009 — if he had led the Yankees to the World Series next season.

The salary would have kept Torre as the highest-paid manager in the majors, but the guaranteed portion would have represented a cut from his present salary, which averaged $6.4 million over the last three seasons. In each year of that contract, the Yankees lost in the first round of the playoffs.

. . .

[Third base coach Larry] Bowa said he was surprised that Torre would fly to Tampa if he knew he was going to reject the Yankees’ offer, echoing a widely held sentiment.

It’s Always All About New York, Isn’t It?

Freakin’ Mets fans are everywhere:

Matt Murphy is now the luckiest man in baseball. The 21-year-old Elmhurst native is the proud owner of Barry Bonds’ record-breaking 756th career home run ball after attending Tuesday night’s San Francisco Giants game from the centerfield bleachers.

In an exclusive phone interview with the TimesLedger Wednesday, Murphy said he initially bought the ticket because he was excited by the chance to watch Barry Bonds become a baseball legend. Bonds had already tied the all-time career home run record on Saturday, and there was a good chance that Tuesday would be the night he would shatter it.

“All I wanted to do was just be in the building,” Murphy said.

When Bonds hit the homer in the fifth inning, Murphy not only got to be part of the historic moment but was able to take it away with him. While the cameras were on Bonds circling the bases, Murphy and more than a dozen fans scuffled, pushed and fought for the piece of baseball history. Murphy ultimately scooped the ball up and hid it in his Mets T-shirt, which he proudly wore despite the boos and jeers of Giants fans.

Ballpark security immediately escorted Murphy out of the stadium as he raised his arms in triumph, sporting the battle scars of his scuffle: a bloody nose, twisted ankle and hot dog ketchup stain.

Murphy said he was grateful to security helping him out of the ruckus and back to his hotel room, as many of the fans were already peeved that he came in dressed in full Mets paraphernalia, including a Jose Reyes jersey and cap.

. . .

Murphy’s friends from Archbishop Molloy High School were amazed to see their classmate all over the sports pages and television early Wednesday morning. Just hours after the lucky moment, Murphy’s pals a created group on the online social network Facebook titled “Matt Murphy just caught Barry Bonds’ 756th Homerun,” which has already attracted more than 50 members.

“It’s very cool. He was representing both Queens and Met fans and that’s always something to be happy about,” said Murphy’s classmate Joe Sommo, 22, of Middle Village, who is a member of the group.

More Like Rocky IV — The One With The Russian — Or Probably Just Like A 1980s Tag Team Match Against Nikolai Volkoff And The Iron Sheik (Sgt. Slaughter, Where Have You Gone?)

The global balance of power is restored to the world of competitive eating:

It was a script that could have been out of a “Rocky” movie, with an upstart trying to fell the champion. And just as in those movies, the upstart and the champion embraced in the end, knowing that a sequel would be inevitable.

The goal was rapid-fire hot dog consumption, not pummeling an opponent in the ring, but like a particularly bloody boxing match, it was disturbing to watch.

Joey Chestnut, a 23-year-old engineering student from California, ate a world-record 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes yesterday to unseat the six-time champ, Takeru Kobayashi, at the Nathan’s Famous hot-dog eating contest in Coney Island.

Chants of “U.S.A.” and “Joey! Joey!” rose from the crowd when Mr. Chestnut hoisted the Mustard Yellow International Belt of the champion.

“The Fourth of July brought this out,” he said, when asked where he found the strength to consume more hot dogs than a large family at a holiday picnic. It was his first victory in the 92nd annual event.

. . .

Like the 15-round epics between Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed, the outcome was unclear until the end. The rivals matched each other frank for frank. Mr. Chestnut, who has also won championships for eating grilled cheese sandwiches, chicken wings and deep-fried asparagus, jumped out to an early lead, but was never more than three hot dogs ahead.

Mr. Kobayashi, who wolfed down nearly 18 pounds of pan-seared cow brains to win the Glutton Bowl, made a push in the last several minutes to finish in a tie. The two men were eating so fast, stuffing several hot dogs in their mouth at once, that midway through the contest, several of the 15 other entrants had stopped eating and were watching the main event at center stage.

“It was kind of hard to concentrate on my own stuff,” said Erik Denmark, a challenger from Seattle, Wash. “I felt the emotion of the event.”

Earlier: Trying To Convince Your Body To Dance It All Down.

How Big? We’re Talking Bob Beamon Big!*

At least he didn’t cite Barry Bonds:

The upcoming July 4 Nathan’s hot dog-eating contest may be the biggest U.S.-Japan pop-culture face-off since King Kong took on Godzilla.

That’s because California’s Joey Chestnut has dethroned reigning Japanese champion Takeru Kobayashi for the world record for most hot dogs eaten in a sitting, meaning that their Coney Island face-to-face match-up will be served with an extra helping of importance for “big-boned” Americans and Japanese everywhere.

“This is the most monumental achievement in athletics since Bob Beamon broke the long-jump record in the 1960s,” said George Shea, chairman of Major League Eating. “This creates one of the most historic rivalries in all of sports.”

. . .

Now that Chestnut, a 6-foot-1, 230-pound 23-year-old, has finally eclipsed the downright skinny 160-pound Kobayashi on paper, all eyes are on the upcoming Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest at Nathan’s Famous in Coney Island, where the two will again come to face to face for the Mustard Yellow Belt.

And there’s already evidence that Kobayashi, who’s won the Nathan’s contest six years in a row, is feeling the heat.

“Last year [at the Krystal Square Off World Championship hamburger-eating contest in Chattanooga, Tenn.], Kobayashi was really stressed and pressed — Joey did 91 in eight minutes and Kobayashi ate 97,” Shea said.

“It became a real rivalry. At the end of the competition, Kobayashi pounded the table in a way he never did — he used to be a really quiet, reserved guy before that. It was a real outburst of emotion because Joey pushed him so hard.”

*And when was the last time you thought about the long jump? Probably just before the last time you thought about competitive eating.