The First Real Bloomberg Reelection Metric: Padma’s Dry Cleaning Bill*

At the risk of making Thomas Farley weep fat hypertension-inducing tears, as Tom Colicchio might say, this is undersalted:

Nothing perhaps encapsulates the approach of the Bloomberg campaign better than its primary night event, where people were invited to “celebrate” the evening with the mayor, essentially congratulating themselves for supporting his decision to put himself on the ballot again. In a space big enough to park a few airplanes, with enough drink tables and salt-free pretzel carts scattered between the sign-up tables to make the scene seem more massive multicultural bar mitzvah than political rally, people picked up the buttons or posters that fit them best, whether African-Americans for Bloomberg (written in African national colors) or Ferry Riders for Bloomberg. They stuffed themselves full with free brownies and blondies. They cheered every time Padma Lakshmi, the model and Top Chef host, arrived at a pre-selected face in the crowd to talk up another aspect of the volunteer effort.

The safe, scrubbed atmosphere of the event, for which the campaign is not disclosing a price tag before the scheduled Oct. 2 filing, paralleled Bloomberg’s vision of the city as a place that is easy, non-intrusive and wholesome, one perfectly encapsulated by Lakshmi’s introduction, which began with the Indian beauty confiding, “I sleep at night because Mike Bloomberg is my mayor.”

She grasped for reasons why, beyond being able to use credit cards in taxis instead of having to carry around a wad of cash and being able to go to a bar without having her hair smell like smoke afterward. But Bloomberg helped her along when he took the microphone, delivering an unusually cutting speech keyed to match with the “Progress, Not Politics” placards that had been distributed through the crowd he called his “grassroots supporters.”

*In fact, Wolfson should start integrating this Reagan-esque concept into campaign appearances — e.g., “Is your dry cleaning bill cheaper now than it was four years ago?”

OK, Really, Fuck You

Maybe I’m cranky having seen Bloomberg’s “New York Minute” ad — you know, the one where the narrator says how running New York is “the second toughest job in America” — right after the actual president was on David Letterman, but I think there are a lot harder jobs out there than installing lawn furniture on Broadway.

First, the phrase “second toughest job” has pretty clearly always been used in either a self-deprecating way of referring to serving as the mayor of an “ungovernable” place or as an “Aw Shucks” euphemism for the mayor of New York in AP reports reprinted in far-flung places. But I don’t think any of these people actually thought being mayor of New York was that tough — or at least has been since the bad old days of Abe Beame.

For the record, here are some people in the public sector that I think have a marginally more difficult job in 2009: Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is somehow managing California’s $25 billion debt (see here for relative sizes of economies); Secretary of Defense Bob Gates, who is managing a military undertaking two difficult wars; how about General Stanley McChrystal? — while Obama said little on Letterman about New York’s traffic congestion, he did have a lot to say about Afghanistan; Tim Geithner’s job seems like it has been pretty tough; even Schools Chancellor Joel Klein’s job seems tougher than Bloomberg’s; and while we’re talking about mayors, I think both Adrian Fenty (D.C.) and Cory Booker (Newark) have it a little tougher.

And because the campaign ad either skipped or overlooked that portion of the phrase that usually indicates “elected officials,” that means we can meditate on which people in the private sector also have “tough” jobs. That friendly man on the GM ad seems like a good place to start! Any of these jobs seem about fifty times as complicated as walking in a parade or banning smoking. We could go on . . .

All of which is kind of a symbol of the Bloomberg Era of New York: If Jimmy Walker or, I don’t know, Mad Men has taught me anything, New York was once kind of a swinging sort of wink-wink place that didn’t take itself all that seriously. Bloomberg (and not 9/11) has made New York insufferably earnest — from nanny statist initiatives to this absurd notion that anyone west of Morristown or north of Milford gives a shit about what the mayor of New York thinks. Bloomberg’s campaign using the phrase “the second toughest job in America” sincerely is the quintessence of Bloomberg’s megalomania, not to mention a perfect snapshot of his humorlessness. To make matters worse, running that ad right after Obama was doing something historic on television (e.g., spending an hour on a talk show) showed a complete lack of self-awareness. Do you really want four more years of that?

Bloomberg On Obama’s Organization

Yes he can:

“But what the hell do they know about management and dealing with people? Nothing. If you look at my company, why, after all the success that we had before I ran for office would you not think that I couldn’t run the government? What the hell do I gotta do to prove myself? Or, after the success my company has had and our administration has had, why do you think I wouldn’t be qualified to be president of the United States? I mean, for God’s sake, I’m not running, but this is not different.”

Vote With Your Annoyance

Setting aside the way the question was worded — after all, isn’t all advertising basically “annoying”? — there’s an opening here, too:

The poll of 1,290 registered voters, conducted Aug. 18-24, found that nearly 80% have seen the mayor’s TV commercials.

Those who saw the commercials were asked if they were annoying or informative, and 47% said annoying, 41% informative and the rest didn’t know or wouldn’t say.

Asked if the ads made it more or less likely they would vote for Bloomberg, 18% said less likely, 15% said more likely, 64% said no difference and 3% didn’t know or wouldn’t say.

“Mayor Mike might be wasting his money on that zillion-dollar TV buy,” said Quinnipiac polling director Maurice Carroll.

Who Said Investigative Journalism Was Dead?

The Post does the heavy lifting, getting inside of the Standard Hotel and uncovering the horrible truth about the Standard’s viral campaign:

“We don’t discourage it. In actual fact, we encourage it,” a friendly bellhop told a pair of reporters as they checked in yesterday at The Standard, where randy guests cavort with abandon to the dismay — or delight — of parkgoers below.

After the hotel opened late last year, the bellhop said, naked and semidressed staff members were encouraged to pose in front of the windows. The point, he said, was to create a buzz with the unexpected peep show.

“One of the managers even got naked in a room, and filmed it — they were considering a live feed for the Web site,” the staffer said. “She’s an exhibitionist, too.”

Because of course nothing delights a parkgoer more than catching a middle-aged European tourist jacking off in the window . . . so edgy!

Location Scout: High Line.