This Story Has Been Reported In Every Major Daily And Weekly And No One Else Took It There . . . Until Now

That the most disgusting headline of the week — no, month — no, year — addresses an equally repulsive topic (off-leash animals) is no excuse. “Passions Unleashed, Doggy Style”:

The escalating battle over the Parks Department’s unofficial policy of allowing dogs off leash in some city parks between the hours of 9 p.m. and 9 a.m. had an official hearing last week.

The Board of Health heard testimony from both sides last Wednesday in Manhattan. A decision by the Board of Health to allow the Parks Department’s unofficial policy would pave the way for Parks to make its unofficial off-leash hours entirely legal.

Currently, the Board of Health requires that dogs be on a leash at all times when in public, but city law also give the Parks Commissioner the power to enact regulations that function as law within city parks, and for 20 years they have allowed dogs to run off their leash for the aforementioned 12 hours, as long as the park is legally open.

Recently, amid growing clamor about the policy, Parks asked the Board of Health to revisit and clarify their own regulations. The hearing was held to gather input on a proposal to allow the unofficial Parks policy, as long as owner could prove that their dogs are licensed and vaccinated. If the Board of Health okays the proposal, Parks would have to do the same and hold their own hearings, but it is unlikely they would shoot down their own rule.

“This unofficial policy has existed for 20 years and there has never been a problem, and I don’t think there is going to be a problem,” predicted Bob Marino, president of NYCdog, who testified last week in favor of allowing dogs off-leash at certain times.

The debate over the unofficial policy has come to a head recently, culminating with a lawsuit filed by the Juniper Park Civic Association (JPCA), testing legally the Parks Department’s authority to set policy. The judge has put that case on hold pending a decision by the Board of Health.

PG-13 Alternate Headline: “Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum Might Have Called It ‘Man On Dog'”

Carter Is To Spy As Irving Is To Salmagundi

Letters recently unearthed reveal that Graydon Carter was always a douche:

In a 1985 letter to [Spy co-creator Kurt] Andersen, Carter envisioned a city magazine that would “investigate the great commercial machines that fuel the city, the behind the scenes stories in art, literature, journalism, broadcasting, theater, fashion, banking, business, show business and the law. . . . A hundred years from now, the graduate student sifting through the racks at the New-York Historical Society will, with relish, throw himself upon old copies of Spy to get a feeling for what it was to be young and smart and living in New York in the eighties.”

I think I just reconsidered my desire to revisit the Wilt Chamberlain 20,000 women number crunching . . .

God Help Iraq

While young men and women put their lives on the line for the future of Iraq, this country’s best and brightest are doing a shit-ton of business there:

Last week, [former New York City police commissioner, onetime Homeland Security nominee and Jeanine Pirro adviser Bernie] Kerik put his contentious role in the [Pirro] campaign behind him for the more welcoming world of international terrorism, sneaking into Iraq for two days (ducking the media). There, it was as if the glory days were back. Vintage Kerik was on display: hulking, crisply dressed, a meeting with the minister of the interior. “A lot of it has to do with international funding for some of their national-security programs,” said Kerik when asked about the mission, which was unofficial. “There’s some things I may be able to do for them.”

Not To Sound Too Skeptical, But Name The Last Nasal-Voiced, Short, Jewish Mayor Unaffiliated With Any Political Party To Become President . . .

Bloomberg ’08 passes an important, important first hurdle — apropos of nothing in particular, somehow convincing the Observer editorial board to print a fawning endorsement of a bizarre pipe dream to see Hizzoner in the White House*:

When Mike Bloomberg came into office in January 2002, downtown New York was in ruins, and the city’s financial and emotional health were precarious at best. Mr. Bloomberg, new to the business of governing, immediately grasped what needed to be done. He came to grips with the city’s finances, made public education his personal crusade, vowed to build on the anti-crime successes of his predecessor, and reached out to New Yorkers in all five boroughs.

. . .

He has presided over the transformation of the New York Police Department into a world-class counterintelligence agency. Amazingly, even as that transformation has taken place, the NYPD continues to win the battle against more conventional street crime.

That is a record that commands attention. That is the record of a Presidential contender.

. . .

As a businessman, Mr. Bloomberg simply went out and did what he had to do. And he succeeded.

As a Presidential candidate, he has a chance to do the same. He ought to think about it.

Here’s a wonderful possibility: Mr. Bloomberg runs as an independent, Mr. Giuliani wins the Republican nomination, and Hillary Clinton becomes the Democratic nominee. Can he beat those two in a three-way race? You bet he can.

No country in the world deserves that last part.

*Is this an example of New Yorkers being incredibly insular or just shamelessly, totally un-self-aware?

Falling Apples And Trees: The Perverse Warping Of The Manhattan Child

Like the Manhattan Cat — having spent its entire life indoors — exists in a peculiar alternate universe, the Manhattan Child is raised under similarly perverse conditions:

Adults are not the only ones who engage in real estate envy and suffer from lust when they see a well-proportioned classic six or a penthouse with wraparound terraces and an elevator that opens directly into the apartment. Children, once assumed to be oblivious to the nuances of real estate, now know what is prized and what is not, and often feel free to comment on what they observe.

. . .

Julie Friedman, a senior associate broker at Bellmarc, described clients who are the parents of three private-school children. They occupy “the very inner circle of the social life on the Upper West Side and live in a beautiful prewar condo that’s probably worth about $3 million,” Ms. Friedman said. But the couple, professionals whose apartment lacks a separate dining room, stopped arranging play dates several years ago after holding a birthday party for one of their children in their apartment.

“The kids must have been 7,” Ms. Friedman said. “One of the children said, ‘Why are you eating in the living room?’ So from that day on, rather than put their children in a position where perhaps they were being judged, there were no play dates at their home. Now she is looking for a splendid apartment on Central Park West so that her children will be comfortable entertaining.”