On The Unintended Consequences Of Speed Bumps

Unpainted speed bumps in Astoria are keeping up the neighbors, and providing new thrills for drivers:

“My house is rumbling,” said John Warren, 45, a father of three who lives on 49th St. near the speed bumps.

. . .

Before the bumps were installed in 2005, the street used to be a “raceway” for speeding vehicles, residents said.

But the speed bumps haven’t slowed everyone down.

“People [speed] purposefully because they want to see how airborne they can get,” Warren said.

Klueless Klaxon Klan!

So which is more annoying? The scourge of crack cocaine, cigarette butts or car alarms? Car alarms! And no one’s doing a damn thing about it:

Despite a flood of noise complaints over sleep-destroying car sirens, only four tickets were handed out in the city last year for faulty alarms, according to the city Department of Environmental Protection.

Eric’s Ferry Trip

The plants have ears, man, and new Staten Island Ferry rules intend to protect plant life against loud sounds:

A complete overhaul of the ferry system’s official code of conduct — which will go into effect in late January — includes updates reflecting tightened security and operational changes, as well as new prohibitions against feeding animals, exposing oneself, or fishing from a ferry or ferry dock.

. . .

The new rules define “unreasonable noise,” as any “excessive or unusually loud sound that disturbs the peace, comfort or repose of a reasonable person of normal sensitivities, injures or endangers the health or safety of a reasonable person of normal sensitivities, or which causes injury to plant or animal life, or damage to property or business.”

Among the examples included of prohibited noise levels are music coming from a person’s iPod earbuds that is “plainly audible” to another individual standing 5 feet or more away. Also forbidden are sounds that register more than 7 decibels overnight, or 10 decibels during the day that can be heard above ambient sound at a distance of 15 or more feet.

. . .

As for the quirkier rules, as far as anyone at DOT can remember, no one has actually been caught fishing from a ferryboat, but the rule was added to forestall anyone from trying. In addition to fears that an unsuspecting passenger could accidentally end up snared at the end of an angler’s hook, fishing line and boat propellers don’t mix.

Location Scout: Staten Island Ferry.

A Few Trees Go A Long Way

By shifting the narrative toward the ameliorative effect of trees on the cityscape, the mayor has opened up a new line of argument for people throughout the five boroughs:

A Bronx strip club owner is under fire from Long Island City community leaders for his plans to open a gentleman’s club that could feature all-nude girls near the Queensboro Bridge.

Gus Drakopoulos, who operates Sin City in the Bronx, plans to open a club featuring full nudity if the local community board tries to block his liquor license. By law, a club that serves liquor can have only topless women.

“He’s a thoroughly disingenuous guy with a total disrespect for this community,” said attorney Pat O’Brien, a member of Community Board 2. “It’s totally polarized the community. We’ve been trying for decades to make this a better place.”

Drakopoulos said his Bronx club, next to the Major Deegan Expressway, has made the community a better place by illuminating the block and planting trees on the desolate street.

“We took a concrete, deserted neighborhood and brought life to it,” he said. “There were weeds 5 feet high, car parts and tires everywhere.”

The Great Triumphs Of The Bloomberg Tenure: Flower Pots Full Of Cigarette Butts, Menus Littered With Odd Four-Digit Numbers And Lawn Furniture On Broadway

You can decide if that counts as a “sweeping vision” or just a series of small-bore Clinton-esque tweaks. As for the lawn furniture, the big so-called traffic-reducing Broadway pedestrian mall initiative apparently has met at least one of its goals:

While tourists and others enjoyed moseying around the traffic-free oasis on its first business day as a pedestrian mall, anyone making a delivery around Times Square fumed.

Drivers said streets surrounding the blocked-off areas were clogged with traffic — and pulling in front of a business to unload heavy boxes became a thing of the past.

“This is making my job more challenging,” said Steven McFadden, 48, a deliveryman for Citi Storage. “Longer walks to loading entrances, more competition for parking, more time for fewer deliveries and more parking tickets.”

John Gannon, 55, a mail carrier, predicted a long summer with traffic blocked off.

“For anybody who has to make a curbside delivery, it will be a problem. You’d have to park and walk a block or two,” he said. “If [Mayor] Bloomberg wants it to last, though, it’ll last.”

And you can amend the post title to include “Naked Cowboys” in the mayor’s sweeping vision:

Times Square and Herald Square vendors are cashing in on the car-free Broadway.

Everyone from food and souvenir hawkers to street performers said they were rolling in the dough yesterday thanks to the flood of pedestrians on the Great White Way.

“It is the coolest thing in the world. My business has quadrupled. It is like New Year’s Eve every day,” crowed the “Naked Cowboy,” Robert Burck.