And By 2030 We’ll Also Become More Economical With Our “Ns”

PlaNYC isn’t all about congestion pricing and the as-yet-unexplained 1 million new residents. There is also the part about the mussels:

The mayor wants to plant 20 cubic meters of ribbed mussel beds into Hendrix Creek next to the 26th Ward Wastewater Treatment Plant to naturally clean and filter nearby Jamaica Bay. “In the 19th Century, the natural way the harbor got cleaned was because it was full of mussels and clams,” said Rohit Aggarwala, the director of long-term planning and sustainability, the department the mayor created to oversee PlaNYC2030. “If it works there, we’ll try it in lots of different places.” Others are skeptical though. “I don’t how you’d ever find enough ribbed mussels to make much of a difference.,” said Ray Grizzle, a professor of Marine Sciences at the University of New Hampshire. Still, the city is set to give it a try next spring.

Mmm . . . Sweet, Smoky, Buttery, Fecal Fried Chicken . . .

The anecdotal evidence well established, DEP officials will perform a formal olfactory survey of Hunts Point:

The city’s Department of Environmental Protection has tapped an engineering consulting firm to conduct an odor survey of Hunts Point over four days starting tomorrow, with the public asked to be the bloodhounds — phoning in when they pick up the scent.

The purpose of the survey is to identify the odors prevalent in the Hunts Point area and establish their sources.

The new pungency patrol is part of a seven-page agreement City Councilwoman Maria del Carmen Arroyo (D-South Bronx) wrangled from the DEP as the price for dropping her opposition to an expansion and upgrade of the Hunts Point Wastewater Treatment Facility to be built in her district.

The $235 million project was approved by the City Council Monday by a 48-to-0 vote.

The Council approval of several land-use actions will allow the DEP to begin work, expected to take eight years, on four egg-shaped, 130-foot-high “digester” tanks, where bacteria will break down sludge into a bio-solid for use as compost and fertilizer.

Tomorrow, inspectors from the Malcolm Pirnie Inc. consulting firm will be in Hunts Point from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ready to track down odors called in by residents to a special hotline.

They’ll be back in the evenings from 5p.m. to 10 p.m. on the following Monday and Thursday, then again on Tuesday, Sept. 25.

. . .

The DEP has even offered a list of descriptors useful for characterizing odors under three broad categories:

“Almond-like” odors might be sweet, smoky, earthy, metallic, acidic, oily or like mothballs.

“Sulfidic” odors could be yeasty, fruity, putrid, fecal, buttery or honeylike.

“Alcohol-like” smells may be rubbery, sooty, coffee-like, chemical or like fried chicken.

Free Larry!

You know you want to contribute to his defense fund:

A Queens bus driver smashed a passenger over the head with a phone when he refused to give up his handicap seat to an elderly woman, police said yesterday.

The bus driver, Larry Woods, 44, and the allegedly inconsiderate rider, Christian Custis, 22, were both arrested and charged with assault after a brawl erupted over the seat on the Q43 bus in Jamaica.

Police said the fight began when Woods asked Custis to give up his seat to the frail woman with a cane who boarded at Hillside Avenue and 164th Street at 11:16 a.m. Friday.

Things turned ugly when Custis, who is not disabled, refused to relinquish his spot, cops said.

Woods then clobbered Custis in the head with the bus’ onboard phone as stunned passengers looked on, police said.

The pair was taken to Mary Immaculate Hospital, where they were treated for minor injuries, before being hauled into the 103rd Precinct station house.

Custis and Woods were both arraigned in Queens Criminal Court yesterday on assault and harassment charges and released. Woods was also charged with one count of criminal possession of a weapon: the phone.

50 Million Noise Complaints Extrapolated For A Population Of Over 300 Million Would Be Somewhere Near 1.9 Billion Noise Complaints

311 passed the 50 million-call milestone earlier today:

“We have now handled more calls than Apple has sold iPods. As of today, they’ve only sold 49 million,” DoITT Commissioner Paul J. Cosgrave said.

Since its inception in March of 2003, 311 has fielded and average of 40,000 calls a day and has reduced the amount of calls to 911 for non-emergencies by one million.

“That means that our 911 dispatchers are free to send responders to a fire in a matter of seconds, and who knows how valuable those seconds actually are,” Bloomberg said.

According to Cosgrave, the number one complaint that 311 dispatchers deal with is noise.

That is followed by calls from people who are without heat or hot water in the winter, questions about how to pay for parking tickets are the third most common complaint, Freon removal and scheduling a pickup for air conditioners and refrigerators follows and questions about bus and subway information rounds out the top five.

And as befits a top-tier presidential candidate, Mayor Bloomberg was on hand to celebrate 311’s success:

“I have no plans of bringing 311 to a federal level,” he said to the amusement of the assembled press, “But there’s absolutely no reason why the federal government, with a budget of trillions of dollars, should not make available access to services that the average person can get to.”

Not to discredit an astounding achievement for the mayor, but if there were 50 million calls to 311 and 8 million people live in New York, that means that in a little over four years, each of us has called 311 six-and-one-quarter times*. Is that possible? Or are there 311 addicts out there who just can’t get enough information on how to pay parking tickets?

*I’ll admit, we used it once to locate a strip club in Putnam County; they couldn’t help us with that one.

From Total Shock And Disgust To Willful Ignorance In Just One Week (Now That’s More Like It)

For every pest you see there are hundreds more lurking out of your sight:

Health inspectors have shuttered a famous Manhattan pizzeria, a move some described as a crackdown by the Health Department after a KFC/Taco Bell franchise passed an inspection even though it was infested with rats.

John’s Pizzeria on Bleecker Street in Greenwich Village was dark yesterday; health inspectors shut down the restaurant on Friday, a sign in the window said.

“It seems that due to the extensive media coverage of a certain fast food restaurant and the scandal surrounding the N.Y.C. department of health, they now are trying to save face and set examples,” the sign read. It went on to describe mandatory improvements the restaurant would make before reopening, such as installing sinks closer to the pizza-making area, placing proper lids on garbage cans in the restrooms, and sealing cracks in the basement floor.

The sign attracted a crowd yesterday outside the beloved restaurant, which was established in 1929. Famous for its thin-crust pizza, coal oven, long lines, and cash-only policy, the pizzeria has a cult following that includes celebrities whose photos grace the windows, such as Regis Philbin, Johnny Depp, and Harry Connick Jr.

“It’s preposterous. It’s our family tradition. We come every Sunday,” a man who said his first taste of New York City pizza was at John’s, Rob Wilson, said. “It never hurts to clean up your shop, but did they have to close it down?”

. . .

Several doors down from John’s, an Italian restaurant, Risotteria, was also shut down on Friday. In its window, a sign told patrons the restaurant had “fallen victim to the health department’s zeal to cover their tracks for past sins.”