Mother Rapers, Father Stabbers, Father Rapers And . . . Sparkler Lighters?

Staten Island Fourth of July revelers unhappily find that the city was serious about that “zero tolerance” thing after all when SWAT teams stormed backyards to confiscate fireworks and cart offenders off to the pokey:

Walking out of Stapleton Criminal Court yesterday afternoon, 29-year-old Anthony Padovano of New Dorp was quick to point to the cuts and scrapes he said he sustained when eight police officers stormed into his backyard, threw him to the ground, and cuffed and arrested him for illegal possession of fireworks.

“It’s ridiculous. They have all these criminals in my neighborhood, and they bring in a SWAT team for me when I am trying to light sparklers,” Padovano said of his arrest on the Fourth of July.

His comments pretty much summed up the feelings of the nearly two dozen Staten Islanders who packed the holding cell at the borough’s Criminal Court waiting arraignment on the same charges.

Angry, indignant and bone-weary after spending a night in cramped jail cells with “real criminals,” they expressed no regret for what they deem their right to celebrate America’s independence with a few fireworks of their own.

“They took away my whole Fourth of July,” Padovano added.

. . .

. . . 19-year-old Daniel Savino . . . was charged not only with handling illegal fireworks but also resisting arrest after a scuffle with police outside his Annadale home.

After his mother, Josephine Savino, paid his $500 bail at Criminal Court, Savino showed marks on his arm, legs and back, which he said resulted from officers shoving him against a cement wall, forcing him to the ground, then kicking him.

“They were brutal,” Savino said.

He was one of at least a half dozen residents who complained the cops were too heavy-handed in their enforcement efforts. Savino said he’ll lodge a complaint with the city, but he’ll still have to return to Criminal Court next month, facing fines of up to $750 and possible jail time.

As will Dongan Hills residents Mirvet Cioku, 43, and his 17-year-old son, Atdhe. After arraignment before Judge Alan Meyer yesterday afternoon, they walked out of the courtroom clearly irritated.

“I don’t understand. They make fireworks to celebrate the Fourth of July, but they don’t expect me to use them?” asked Mirvet, who emigrated from Albania 20 years ago.

“Forget it. I just want to pay the fine and get out of here so I don’t have to see their faces anymore.”

What Would George Plimpton Do?

Since Sept. 11, residents in fireworks-rich areas cower every time an unexpected pyrotechnic display takes place:

While pyrotechnics are often associated with Independence Day, the city, following the 2003 death of the unofficial fireworks commissioner, George Plimpton, has been approving dozens of requests for fireworks displays throughout the year. Sponsors range from the retailer Target to Princess Cruises to the president of the Bronx.

The displays — each approved by the New York Fire Department’s Explosive Unit — often cause nighttime noise that has set some residents to complaining.

Detective Frank Bogucki, community affairs officer for the 17th precinct, which serves Manhattan’s Turtle Bay and Sutton Place among other communities, said that he gets a handful of complaints from residents who get startled after each fireworks show that “comes over our heads” from the East River. He added that the residents don’t like it because they think it’s something more serious.

“In these days, what we’re dealing with every day,” said Detective Bogucki, referring to the heightened worries of New Yorkers post-September 11, 2001, “it’s kind of concerning.”

A volunteer at the Turtle Bay Association, Olga Hoffman, said that the terrorist attacks of September 11 changed her attitude toward surprise fireworks displays. “Before it didn’t bother me,” she said. “After 9/11, it did.”

. . .

A producer for Fireworks for Grucci, which does about 20 shows in New York City each year, M. Philip Butler, said that there has not been much of a slowdown of business since September 11, 2001. He said that even though there was a decline in shows in 2003 (although not in 2002 because corporate sponsors had already included those shows in their budget from the year before), they’ve since experienced a “great comeback.” “We have fireworks shows now in New York Harbor without any hesitation,” he said.

Mr. Butler classified his company as “neighborhood friendly,” and said they don’t use noise-making salutes — “the workhorse of the grand finale” of any fireworks show — except on the Fourth of July and New Year’s Eve.

But what does any of this have to do with George Plimpton? It’s still unclear:

Plimpton was appointed fireworks commissioner by Mayor Lindsey. “I am supposed to resign each time there is a change of administration, but I don’t,” Plimpton said in an interview in the defunct Canadian literary journal Pagitica. The fireworks commissioner post has been vacant since Plimpton’s death in 2003.

Plimpton’s successor as editor of the Paris Review, Philip Gourevitch, said that for all he knows the title of fireworks commissioner belongs to Plimpton “for all eternity.” Last year, a New York Sun editorial recommended Mr. Gourevitch for the position. “I’m not sure that I’m qualified,” Mr. Gourevitch said recently. ‘I like explosions plenty. But I’ve never been involved in shaping, forming, or making them.”

The Year Of The (Inflatable) Rat

The Sun reports that city doormen may go on strike if their contract demands are not met:

The union for about 28,000 doormen, elevator operators, porters, and other residential building employees is in down-to-the-wire contract negotiations and has already authorized its board to call an April 21 strike if a fair deal is not reached.

“Everything goes up, the inflation rate goes up, rent goes up, but our salaries diminish,” a doorman at a co-op building on the Upper East Side, Boris Buliga, said yesterday.

A strike of those who watch over some of the most elegant and expensive homes in the country would be the first since 1991, when the employees walked off the job for 12 days. Doormen also went on strike in 1979 and 1976.

A strike would affect 3,500 buildings across the city, including 2,500 in Manhattan, where in many cases management has just started to blanket tenants with contingency plans that call for resident volunteers to take out the trash and fill in for rotating shifts at the front door.

Both the union and management sides said they were in contract talks yesterday and would continue through the deadline.

One Gramercy Park building sent out letters to all residents notifying them that no move-ins or outs will be permitted in the event of a strike; that garbage chutes will be closed so residents will have to haul their own garbage to the curb; that a security guard will be hired, and residents will be given special identification passes to get in.

The sticking points in negotiations between the Service Employees International Union Local 32BJ, which represents the building employees, and the Realty Advisory Board are wages, pensions, and health care.

The board, which represents building management, is asking for a salary freeze for one year and that employees start kicking in 15% of health care costs or about $1,400 a year for each employee. They say that rising health care costs are putting pressure on building managers.

. . .

A professor of law who specializes in employment issues at New York Law School, Arthur Leonard, said a strike would likely mean no package deliveries and no home renovations because other union workers will be unwilling to cross the picket lines.

In the 1991 strike UPS workers did not cross the line. A spokesman for the International Brotherhood of Teamsters, which represents UPS workers, Bret Caldwell, said yesterday, “if there’s a picket line we won’t cross it.”

First the liquor distributor truck drivers and warehouse workers (whatever happened to that?), then the transit strike, then the NYU grad students, then the Co-op City security staff, then the private waste haulers — this could be the year of the strike . . .

Cabaret Laws: Stupid But Not Unconstitutional

A Manhattan State Supreme Court judge ruled that the city’s cabaret laws — which prohibit dancing in an unlicensed establishment — are constitutional:

Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Michael Stallman threw out a lawsuit challenging the city’s law from the 1920s that requires bars and restaurants to have cabaret licenses if their patrons want to boogie.

“Social dancing is fun,” Stallman wrote in a 23-page decision. “It is also a worthwhile and socially positive activity whose importance should not be underestimated simply because it is enjoyable.”

Nevertheless, Stallman upheld the city’s right to regulate dancing in bars and restaurants, tossing out a lawsuit filed by a group called the Gotham West Coast Swing Club.

The group argued that dancing is expressive and should be considered protected free speech under the New York State Constitution.

The judge did suggest that the city reexamine the old law. “Surely, the Big Apple is big enough to find a way to let people dance.”A city spokeswoman hailed the ruling as a “confirmation of the city’s efforts to protect residential communities from disruptions attributed to some cabarets.”

Crowds Thicker, Denser; Fatty Foods To Blame

It wasn’t your imagination — this holiday season, Midtown is more crowded than usual:

Outside Grand Central Terminal, where he has tended his “Nuts 4 Nuts” food cart for 10 years, Eric Cabrera said he has never seen anything like it. “Where are all these people coming from?” he asked Wednesday night as he was swallowed by the rushing crowd.

Four blocks west in Times Square’s business improvement district, which has for years recorded rising levels of pedestrian traffic, head counters discovered something peculiar on Wednesday morning, a 57 percent increase in congestion compared to a day almost exactly a year earlier. (The survey was delayed a week because of the transit strike.)

And by Thursday, despite a cold rain, Margaret Cooper, a visitor from Newcastle, England, found herself engulfed in a throng of umbrella-wielding shoppers in Herald Square. “It’s total chaos,” she said.

Crowds in Midtown during the holiday season are nothing new, but this year’s crowds appear to be thicker and denser. It is a change that has not gone unnoticed by the people and machines that monitor such things.

Then again, the thicker, denser crowds may be attributed to promises of free gastric bypass surgery:

Folks longing for a fat chance at fulfilling their resolutions to lose weight headed yesterday for Times Square — where a doctor was offering a shot at free gastric-bypass surgery.

Dr. Dominick Artuso of Dobbs Ferry Hospital was at the Times Square Brewery, interviewing nearly 100 candidates for the surgery, which normally costs between $10,000 to $25,000. Ten patients will get it free.

“Almost everyone’s resolution is to lose weight, so I’m trying to help some people who really need it and get them healthy in 2006,” said Artuso.

“I’m educated, I’m a good guy and I’m extremely good-looking,” said 350-pound John Rodgers of Queens. “The only thing holding me back is my weight.”

Jason Munnerlyn, 37 and 564 pounds, said, “I’ve got two boys . . . and I want to be there [for them]. I’ve tried everything, but for them, I have to make a major change. Hopefully, this is it.”

“I lose weight, I gain weight — it’s like a yo-yo,” said 450-pound Debora Smerling, 38, of East Brunswick, N.J.. “I need to change my life.”