Dumb & Dumber?

Who exactly rents something for $50,000 a month? Jim Carrey, that’s who:

Soon Jim Carrey will be hamming it up all over the Upper West Side. A source says he’s renting a four-bedroom, five-bath penthouse across from Lincoln Center. The actor, who’ll be paying $45,000 a month on a one-year lease, is due in town to shoot A Little Game Without Consequence, a remake of a French film that reunites him with his Mask co-star, Cameron Diaz. The apartment — which has a 2,000-square-foot living room, seven terraces, and views of the Statue of Liberty and the George Washington Bridge (eternal sunshine not guaranteed) — is listed for $11.8 million with Corcoran’s Carrie Chiang.

At 15 percent of a year’s rent — I gather brokers still get that kind of commission in Manhattan — that puts the fee at $81,000. Nice work if you can get it. (Then again, thank goodness Carrey didn’t star in What About Bob? . . . Carrie Chiang should at least buy Brian Carter a beer!)

And did anyone collect his last three pay stubs? Forty times $45,000 is $1.8 million a year, but I guess he’s good for it. Even without a guarantor.

Falling Apples And Trees: The Perverse Warping Of The Manhattan Child

Like the Manhattan Cat — having spent its entire life indoors — exists in a peculiar alternate universe, the Manhattan Child is raised under similarly perverse conditions:

Adults are not the only ones who engage in real estate envy and suffer from lust when they see a well-proportioned classic six or a penthouse with wraparound terraces and an elevator that opens directly into the apartment. Children, once assumed to be oblivious to the nuances of real estate, now know what is prized and what is not, and often feel free to comment on what they observe.

. . .

Julie Friedman, a senior associate broker at Bellmarc, described clients who are the parents of three private-school children. They occupy “the very inner circle of the social life on the Upper West Side and live in a beautiful prewar condo that’s probably worth about $3 million,” Ms. Friedman said. But the couple, professionals whose apartment lacks a separate dining room, stopped arranging play dates several years ago after holding a birthday party for one of their children in their apartment.

“The kids must have been 7,” Ms. Friedman said. “One of the children said, ‘Why are you eating in the living room?’ So from that day on, rather than put their children in a position where perhaps they were being judged, there were no play dates at their home. Now she is looking for a splendid apartment on Central Park West so that her children will be comfortable entertaining.”

Sir, Your Housing Slump Is Ready . . .

The Eagle Electric Company Factory on 21st Street in Astoria — which after a residential conversion now sort of resembles a beachfront condo on, say, the Gulf Coast (see here for more reaction) — is ready to take applications:

Gutted and completely rebuilt, the former Eagle Electric Company factory on 21st Street will soon officially become Riverview Apartments. Although an opening date has not yet been announced, the $30 million coop development has been given the green light by the state attorney general’s office.

“We have been approved [to sell] and will begin to market at the end of this month,” said Joseph Pistilli, chief operating officer for Pistilli Realty Group, developers of the project, at the September meeting of the United Community Civic Association (UCCA).

“We are very excited about this project for many reasons,” said Vincent Reilly, sales and marketing director for Riverview Apartments. “These are very large apartments,” he said of the 188 units at Riverview.

One-bedroom apartments will range in size from 650 square feet to 865 square feet, at purchase prices from $254,000 to $328,000 (median price $305,000). An average two-bedroom apartment is 1,400 square feet at $556,000, while an average three-bedroom apartment is 1,750 square feet at $750,000. Some three-bedroom units have lofts and mezzanines.

The name “Riverview” seems odd, since a tree-filled Astoria Park stands in the way of the river. And that’s just one side of the project — many of the units seem to only have a view of 21st Street. The developer explains:

Bordered by 19th and 21st Streets and 24th Avenue and 23rd Terrace, the units in Riverview Apartments on the 19th Street side will have views of Astoria Park, the East River and the Triborough Bridge.

“There are river views, but actually, all three sides of the building have really nice views,” [Pistilli Realty Group chief operating officer Joseph] Pistilli said.

Then — unless I’m mistaken here — there seems to be some fuzzy math:

“Typically, topend new construction in Long Island City goes for $800 a square foot,” Reilly said. “Riverview is between $500 and $600 per square feet.”

In addition, Reilly said maintenance charges, typically set at $1.50 to $2.00 per square foot are between $1.06 and $1.22 at Riverview. For example, an apartment of 700 square feet would have a monthly maintenance charge of about $700, he said.

Between $1.06 and $1.22 per square foot for maintenance adds up to $742 to $854, which is a little more than “about $700” . . . plus, is high-end real estate in Long Island City really $800? Because that’s not what I’ve been hearing.

But that’s not all — the land is actually being leased right now with the expectation that it would be bought within ten years — with co-op owners on the hook:

Pistilli Realty does not own the land at Riverview, instead leases it from Eagle Electric with an agreement to purchase in no later than 10 years. Therefore, Riverview Apartments can only be offered at this time for sale as a cooperative development and not as a condominium.

The plan is to refinance Riverview eventually. “When the [cooperative] board takes over there is an opportunity to convert from co-op to condo,” said Pistilli. The Riverview plan approved by the attorney general’s office includes a provision making it mandatory that co-op apartment buyers participate in the purchase of the building and land.

Huh.

Repaid 88 Times Over

Manhattan’s last free-standing residence is for sale:

A cosmetic surgeon seeking a comfortable space for his patients to convalesce, a national foundation looking to relocate its headquarters, and a house-hunting Modern artist are among the prospective owners of the marble mansion on Riverside Drive at 107th Street.

The free-standing landmark, purchased by a Columbia University law professor for $325,000 in 1979, is on the market for $29 million. If it goes for that asking price, which was recently reduced from $31 million, the townhouse will be far-and-away Manhattan’s most expensive residence to be sold above 96th Street, real estate brokers say.

. . .

The Schinasi mansion, as it is still known, is one of Manhattan’s few remaining non-attached homes, architectural historians say. While the building’s exterior is French Renaissance in style, the interior reflects European and Oriental influences. It boasts wood and plaster wall and door embellishments, stained-glass windows, marble mosaics, and ceiling carvings and murals. One recurring design element is the pineapple, a symbol of hospitality for centuries. Pineapple ornaments adorn the banister of the grand, five-foot-wide sculpted oak staircase, the molding in the front parlor room, and the metal hearth of the ground-floor fireplace.

“It is a rare survivor on Riverside Drive, which was once built up with mansions and townhouses,” an architectural historian, Charles Lockwood, said. “What’s ironic is that these grand houses lasted only a generation, and then they were down.” Mr. Lockwood, the author of “Bricks and Brownstone,” a book about New York City townhouses, said these turn-of-the-century homes, started being demolished in the 1910s and 1920s. They were supplanted by larger, multi-family apartment buildings that are now staples of Riverside Drive.

There are 12 bedrooms, eight bathrooms, five kitchens, a light-infused fourth-floor studio apartment, a 3,500 square-foot garden, and even a closed-off tunnel that provided the Schinasi family access to Riverside Park across the street.

. . .

The 12,000-square-foot home on Riverside Drive retains most of its original details, in addition to more recent accents like frosted-glass interior doors, marquis lights around the bathroom mirror, a ping-pong table, and a framed poster celebrating the rapper Eminem.

The First Ten Looks Good, But How Will The Last Ten Read?

This week, Brian Carter outlines a pitch perfect “first ten” pages of a script — assuming anyone would be interested in a script about the dog-eat-dog world of rental agents and the struggle to close the deal:

I’ve gone through dry spells before, and it would be easy enough to chalk this one up to a bad market and a slow time for everyone. But I have the misfortune of sitting next to Stacey, who is currently knocking back deals like shots of tequila on Cinco de Mayo. While I’m in a terrible debate over whether to play another game of solitaire or take a walk, she’s closing her second deal of the day.

. . .

At first, I thought it was merely a coincidence that every time I went cold, Stacey started a hot streak. Part of it may have to do with some weird karmic alignment, but my manager is also pulling some strings in this tiny universe. The hotter one agent gets, the slower everyone else seems to become. Managers take a cut of the overall office profits. That’s a lot of incentive. They steer business away from agents with slippery hands and feed the closers every decent client who calls or walks in the office. Work breeds work and managers rarely encourage slumping agents by wasting potential clients on them, no matter who’s due on the list. She’s working a $3,200 corporate transfer, with the rent and fee paid by the company, and I’m looking all over town for a one bedroom with a terrace large enough to call a porch . . . in a high traffic area no less.

. . .

I don’t harbor any hurtful feelings toward Stacey, but I do hide my client list when she’s in the office. Let’s just say she’s thorough and a really good real estate agent. When I first started, she was one of the few people who went out of her way to teach me about the business. It doesn’t matter that her method of teaching entailed screwing me out of my first deal and using her seniority to justify it. I learned my lesson, and have never forgotten the special attention she showed me. The slacker agents in my office, including myself, could all learn much from her example. She’s a real asset.

It’s all there — complex and morally ambiguous figures, high stakes, conflict — with New York as a character! How about Michel Gondry to direct?