ESPN Is Dumb If They’re Not Already Covering This

No one can resist rooting for the Turd Surfers:

They usually deal with No. 2, but yesterday they were fighting for No. 1.

(Incidentally, that’s like the worst lede ever; can you imagine a newscaster starting a segment with that?)

Teams of city Department of Environmental Protection sewer workers showcased their skills at the agency’s 20th annual Olympics of Sewage Treatment.

The spirit of competition mingled with a slight odor of waste at the Jamaica Water Pollution Control Plant in Queens, where six teams were scored on speed and efficiency while performing the essential tasks of their jobs.

Though they had fanciful team names like the Tallman Island Turd Surfers, the competition was serious, with a chance to represent the city in the state finals on the line.

“It’s a lot cleaner here than it is in the field,” said Marty Bunce, 36, who captained the Bowery Bay Bowl Busters through the five-event course.

. . .

The Bowl Busters had just completed a portion of the challenge where a “co-worker” — a life-size dummy — is overcome by fumes in a “manhole” — a 6-foot drop from an elevated stage — and has to be rescued.

Working feverishly, the team had to set up a tripod over the manhole, attach pulleys and wear harnesses that would lower them to their victim.

Once two men were underground, the dummy was harnessed and gently pulled up to the stage, where he was placed under a disinfecting shower. Bunce’s team finished the task in just over six minutes.

And What A Hoot It Will Be When Keanu Reeves Shows Up And Sees “Welcome Dogstar” On The Marquee

If you want to play a fun trick on someone — lecherous clients, people with annoying allergies, your loser alcoholic stepdad — book a hotel room for someone at the Hotel Pennsylvania this week:

The Hotel Pennsylvania went to the dogs yesterday, as canine competitors arrived with their owners and handlers for the Westminster Kennel Club’s 131st Annual Dog Show, which starts today at Madison Square Garden.

More than 2,500 dogs will compete at the two-day pooch pageant, which will showcase 156 breeds of tail-waggers who compete for best in breed as well for the coveted best in show prize. The lobby of the hotel, just across from the Garden, was like a mini-runway yesterday as humans and best friends checked into their rooms and used the time to acclimate the dogs to the noise, congestion and other pooches.

Dog handler Nancy Huether, of Cape Cod, Mass., said the whole process was an adventure, particularly staying with three bullmastiffs — including a massive 4-year-old named Vinnie — as well as a Saint Bernard in three hotel rooms.

Finally, The Gas Has Passed

After earlier smelling gas the mayor serves up a line to remember:

While Monday’s mystery might never be solved, Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s assessment of the situation may live on: “We are waiting for the gas to pass.”

Must Be Detail Oriented

From today’s Craig’s List job postings*:

English Pud Downtown Looking for Host Staff

*What’s it to you if I’m looking for a job? Know of any?

How Urban Planning Is Like Valtrex

I’m pretty sure he meant to refer to the Hudson Rail Yards as something other than an “open sore”:

Mayor Bloomberg defended the city’s offer to purchase the Hudson Rail Yards for $500 million, saying the site has been an “open sore” and that the city has a vested interest in what is developed there.

While some have criticized the city’s offer as too low and say the undeveloped land on Manhattan’s West Side is valued at $900 million at the very least, Mr. Bloomberg called the city’s offer a “fair price” and argued that the city has no interest in shortchanging the Metropolitan Transit Authority, the state agency that owns the site.