Maybe He’ll Use The Money For Veneers

Lede of the day:

Save the bad teeth and skin, he’s not so different from most patrons of Commerce Bank.

Which is to say:

He walks in, asks the teller for money. The teller hands him the cash, and he walks out.

There’s only one small problem: It’s not his money.

“He’s as crooked as his teeth,” said a veteran cop of the brazen bandit who held up the Commerce branch at 929 Huguenot Ave. shortly after 11 a.m. yesterday. The same slim shady is wanted for holding up a Commerce Bank in Bulls Head on Jan. 19.

Yesterday’s take in Huguenot was $1,300. The January job netted an “undetermined amount of money.”

In that case, the robber — described by cops as 5 feet, 10 inches tall and slim, in his 20s or 30s, with a prominent nose, acne-scarred skin and crooked teeth — walked into the bank branch at 1837 Richmond Ave. with a stun gun under his arm, passed a teller a note, and left.

Yesterday, no note was passed. The suspect was holding a “metal object,” possibly the stun gun, although the teller told police it looked like a computer microphone.

“He lays out a newspaper, says ‘Put the money in the newspaper.’ The teller complies and the bad guy walks out,” the veteran cop said, noting that the suspect, who made his demand through clenched teeth, was last spotted walking along Huguenot Avenue toward Hylan Boulevard.

Early Results Show Staten Islanders Still Like Her Body; Dodge Viper Sales Unaffected*

A talented, troubled star dies and this is all you can think about? Give us time to grieve, why don’t you:

The diet supplement TrimSpa remains on the shelves of Staten Island drugstores and sales of the weight-loss product do not seem to have been affected by the death yesterday of its spokeswoman Anna Nicole Smith.

“(Customers) are pretty much still buying that and other fitness supplements we have,” said Dave Williams, assistant manager at Walgreen’s Drug Store in Graniteville.

. . .

At Duane Reed in New Springville, night shift manager Keith Washington that store hadn’t pulled the product, but he was waiting to hear something from corporate headquarters, since individual stores cannot act on their own.

Washington added it’s possible Ms. Smith’s death could affect product sales.

“I heard somebody say, ‘Oh, TrimSpa — don’t buy that, that’s the stuff she (Ms. Smith) died from.'”

The cause of Ms. Smith’s death remains under investigation. Investigators have not announced any direct correlation with TrimSpa.

*Gratuitously and unnecessarily obscure reference explained here.

No NASCAR But Deer Hunting Takes Hold On Staten Island

The borough of parks becomes the borough of wild game:

Wanna-be hunters have been spotted bringing rifles, guns and bows into Clay Pit Ponds State Park Preserve to hunt — illegally — for the deer that have in recent years established themselves in the Charleston park and elsewhere on the South and West shores.

“It’s chaotic,” said Cherryl Mitchell, who owns the Richer Farms horse stable on Sharrotts Road. Mrs. Mitchell said she has witnessed several people “trotting through the woods” with hunting equipment and lights and fears that one of her horses, or neighbors, will be shot by accident.

“They all think they’re great white hunters. You’re going to have one of these [expletive] put a bullet through one of our houses.”

Hunting is illegal within the five boroughs. Anyone caught by state Department of Environmental Conservation police faces a $2,000 fine and/or up to one year in jail, said DEC spokeswoman Lori O’Connell.

. . .

The recent surge in Staten Island’s deer population has some Staten Islanders, fascinated with the sport, opting to stay local.

Mrs. Mitchell is not amused.

Besides the danger to neighbors, she said, the borough should not be considered a hunting attraction.

“The point is, if you’re a hunter, what’s your great accomplishment hunting on Staten Island?” she said.

Is “Groundhog Trainer” A Civil Service Title?

Behind the scenes with the Staten Island Zoo’s Douglas Schwartz, the Dick Cheney to now six Staten Island Chucks:

Every weekend, Chuck, a strapping young hog born in April, goes home with his trainer, Douglas Schwartz, who works Sundays to Thursdays. This allows him to spend as much time with Mr. Schwartz as possible, and on the hourlong trip on public transit (Mr. Schwartz doesn’t drive), to get used to the prying eyes of strangers.

The hope is that when he makes his big debut next month he will not bite Regis in the face, or leave something unfortunate on Diane Sawyer’s desk, or, worst of all, see his shadow in the klieg lights and shrink back into his pet carrier for six weeks. “On Groundhog Day itself,” Mr. Schwartz said, “the limo just appears and whizzes us off to wherever. He has to always be on point.”

. . .

This Chuck is the sixth groundhog Mr. Schwartz has trained for the role since 1995 — his predecessor died last spring. Because he was born in captivity (in a zoo in New Jersey), he has been relatively easy to socialize — relatively being the key word.

“The patience involved is staggering,” Mr. Schwartz said. “He’s got a brain the size of a cashew, so you really don’t have much to work with.’ And, he added: “They’re known for their aggression, so you’re starting from a hard place. His natural impulse is to kill ’em all and let God sort ’em out. You have to work to produce the sweet and cuddly.”

Last Year: Staten Island Chuck Sees Swift Switch To Spring.

Staten Island As Canary

In the battle against unwanted mysterious odors, Staten Island is on the front line:

Just two days after an odor of natural gas odor blanketed Manhattan and parts of Staten Island’s North Shore, the stench of gasoline wafted through St. George yesterday afternoon and invaded the halls of Curtis High School, right before dismissal.

The school was not evacuated and there was no danger to the approximately 2,700 students, said Department of Education spokeswoman Dina Paul Parks.

Even so, some students said the odor caused them to cough and gag.

“I was choking with it,” said 16-year-old Justina Negron, a junior. She described the smell as “gas and propane,” and said it made her cough.

Environmental officials could not pinpoint the source of the stench, which also enveloped much of Richmond Terrace between 2 and 3 p.m. yesterday.

Charles Sturcken, a spokesman for the city Department of Environmental Protection, said the odor was not a health hazard. “They believe it’s a petroleum-type base,” Sturcken said.

Sturcken wouldn’t link the stink to Monday’s Manhattan miasma, or to an event on the Island in August, when a noxious odor sickened people in many North Shore and Mid-Island neighborhoods. In both of the prior cases, the odor was that of natural gas, he said, as opposed to yesterday’s petroleum-like stench.

Earlier: “The Big Stink”, Whichever Of Youse Smelt It . . .