Yes The Bronx!

No the Yale!:

The posh Yale Club in Midtown is fast becoming a cheesy wedding hall, with old-money members complaining of steady invasions of crowds from such lowbrow places as The Bronx.

“It’s crappy,” said a woman who insisted The Post identify her only as “Mrs. Harrison DeSilver.”

“I just want to put my feet up here, but instead, weddings are being shipped down from The Bronx,” groused DeSilver, a member for 50 years.

“On the weekends, it just gets ridiculous.”

DeSilver said the majority of the weddings at the club seem to involve people from The Bronx.

Just What We Need — For The Bronx To Look Even More Like Seattle

It actually looks more like a cross between Terrace on the Park and a corkscrew:

Motorists, bike riders, and pedestrians may someday see a tall structure not unlike the Seattle Space Needle rising up from near the Willis Avenue Bridge, welcoming outsiders and residents to the new and exciting Bronx.

In a press conference held in Riverdale on Wednesday, October 22, Assemblyman Jose Rivera and the New York District Council of Carpenters were on hand to endorse the Yes the Bronx campaign to build a 176-foot tower with event space for 500 people and observation deck at the top. The construction cost is estimated at $25 million.

While the exact location for the Yes the Bronx Observation Tower has yet to be determined, and the fund raising for the project has only just begun, the builders expect the tower to rise somewhere east of the Willis Avenue Bridge.

“For people coming from the Tri-borough Bridge, this will be an instant symbol of the Bronx,” said Kevin Kennon, the architect for the project. “I always saw the Bronx as a vibrant community, so if we can take that community spirit and lift it up into the air, it would literally be keeping the community up.”

The building is to be entirely constructed of recycled materials that have their origins in the Bronx, making it a true Bronx structure. The tower will be about 20 stories tall, and feature a 80′ by 80′ observation deck where locals can enjoy the view of the Bronx, Manhattan, and beyond.

Where Have You Gone, Don Carlo?

Remnants of the Gambino crime family have been reduced to shaking down hot dog vendors:

Three men — two of them Gambino crime-family associates — have been charged with shaking down a Bronx hot-dog vendor and beating him, cops said yesterday.

The men — also suspected of torching his truck — allegedly demanded $200 a week in “protection” money from the vendor and attacked him when he refused to pay.

Reputed Gambino associates Robert “Bobby Fingers” Francella, 49, and Patrick Lombardo, 47, along with Gregory Monzeglio, 44, met with the victim several times in a restaurant.

When they couldn’t collect, they beat him with a hammer on Aug. 14, and assaulted him again on Sept. 8, cops said. The vendor suffered cuts and lacerations.

The truck, parked in a vacant lot near the restaurant, was burned on Sept. 28.

You Know What Helps?

Putting your utility lines underground:

Community Board 11 district manager John Fratta explained the call for action saying, “We’ve been getting complaints about the shoes on the telephone wires.”

More than a street-beautification effort, Fratta said area residents are deeply concerned with the connotations, false as they may be, the hanging footwear represents.

While no one really knows the reason behind the telephone line-sneaker trick, numerous theories have come to pass.

Most widely believed to be the sign of gang activity or site of street drug sales, folklore also denotes the sneaker sling as a celebration for men who lost their virginity.

Though more than a dozen explanations continue to claim the reasoning behind the obscure act, all continue to remain inconclusive.

. . .

Not knowing where else to turn, he said he looked to Councilman Jimmy Vacca for some needed assistance.

Though eager to get involved, Nivardo Lopez, constituent liaison in Vacca’s office, said their immediate response for involvement quickly turned into a drawn out investigation.

With Cable Vision, Verizon and FDNY wires, among others, creating a web of unmarked territory over the neighborhood, Lopez said determining which company owned the wire that coordinated with the hanging footwear was an increasingly difficult task.

Then, to his great luck and appreciation, Cable Vision stepped in.

“They took care of theirs right away,” Lopez explained about their cooperative efforts to remove the sneakers.

Lopez further explained the company took initiative to compile a master list that clearly identified which line was which company’s responsibility.

From then on, they soared.

“We’ve gotten a good response from the different utilities about removing the sneakers,” Lopez commented, pleased with results of the unique initiative.

See also: Hanging Sneakers.

The Zero-Sum Economics Of Congestion

Hey, pointy-headed technocrats — our economy depends on the right to double park:

As mass transit riders continue to enjoy a quicker commute with the Bx 12 Select Bus Service, business owners along the route are calling it quits.

Norman Ephron, longtime owner of Imperial Linoleum and Carpet Co. Inc., said within 30 days of the lane instillation, seven stores along E. Fordham Road were forced to close due to lack of business. He said the Select Bus Service is to blame.

“Why should customers come to Fordham Road if they can’t park,” the storeowner questioned, referencing the lane that eliminated 40 parking spaces from the heavily trafficked thoroughfare, including a handful in front of his 361 E. Fordham Road establishment.

. . .

After 40 years operating at the same site, he said he’s never once experienced the enormous decrease in business that’s occurred since the Bx12 express bus went into operation at the end of June.

“A lot of my business came from people picking up their carpet and taking it home. Now they can’t pick it up anymore.” His loading area now services the Bx 12.

Ephron said that also for the first time in four decades, nearly 90% of his 35-employee staff is working half days, down from their previous full-time hours.

“I don’t know who thought of the idea but they’re killing us,” he said. “I’ve been sitting her all day and haven’t seen a single customer.”