Don’t Dump On The Bronx!

Come celebrate Bronx Week:

In a population contest among the boroughs, the Bronx would rank second to last. John F. Kennedy once lived in the Bronx, but so did Lee Harvey Oswald. Until 2000, Amorphophallus titanum, otherwise known as the corpse flower because it gives off an odor similar to rotting flesh, had the distinction of being the borough’s official flower.

But every year the Bronx finds something worth celebrating.

Itself.

[Saturday was] the start of Bronx Week, an annual festival of civic pride organized by the Bronx Tourism Council and the borough president’s office. There are plans for Latin music concerts, health fairs and a black-tie ball at Orchard Beach. The celebration culminates next Saturday with a parade on Mosholu Parkway. Details for the event can be found, naturally, on ilovethebronx.com.

The borough president, Adolfo Carrión Jr., said he was proud that his borough of 1.3 million residents has begun to shed its image as a violent, burned-out urban nightmare, but he was the first to admit that it needed more than a week of self-promotion. “We need a month, a year,” Mr. Carrión said. “Or a decade.”

Civic boasting, it turns out, is not new to the borough. Bronx Week is the longest-running event of its kind in the five boroughs. It started out small, in the early 1900’s, as a day. Borough Day parades used to attract tens of thousands to the Grand Concourse. On June 14, 1924, schoolchildren, National Guardsmen and women’s clubs marched before an estimated crowd of 200,000.

The parade no longer draws 200,000, and fostering a spirit of togetherness has not always been easy. At the 1971 parade, the first borough-pride march in decades after the tradition waned, someone mounted a placard on a fire escape that read, “Da Bronx Stinx.”

These days, people in the Bronx are quick to say that their borough does not, literally or figuratively, stink.

Your Stinky Relic Is My Point Of Pride

No, for real — the third annual Hunts Point Fish Parade is tomorrow:

Fish. Thousands of pounds of fish.

Thanks to the Fulton Fish Market’s much-publicized move to the Bronx, that’s what most people now associate with Hunts Point.

But instead of knocking the 400,000-square-foot seafood distribution center, says Kellie Terry-Sepulveda, executive managing director of the Point Community Development Corp., the South Bronx nabe embraced it.

Drawing inspiration from the Coney Island Mermaid Parade, they’re cooking up fish dishes, crafting fancy fish costumes and building homemade fish floats for a mile-long march through their neighborhood.

The Hunts Point Fish Parade will celebrate its third scaly year tomorrow (kicking off at 11 a.m.), proving that fish in the nabe have become “a symbol of pride,” says Terry-Sepulveda.

Make Them Shell Out Big Money On Lobbyists, Then Sue

Because the federal government contributed funds in the 1970s to rebuild Mullaly and Macombs Dam Parks, the Yankees are forced to hire two big-time Washington lobbyists to cut through D.C. red tape:

The Yankees have two new heavy hitters — a pair of Washington lobbyists drafted to help steamroll bureaucratic obstacles to the team’s plan to build the latest incarnation of Yankee Stadium on city parkland that only the feds can unlock.

The big-bucks lobbyists will try to get fast federal approval for the project, even as community foes prepare to sue to block construction of the $800 million, 53,000-seat ballpark.

But a tangle of federal agencies could snarl the Yankees’ plans. The National Park Service, which has refurbished city parks with taxpayer dollars, the Army Corps of Engineers, the IRS and landmark preservationists must agree to go along before the new House that Ruth Built can go up.

According to disclosure reports, the Yanks have hired former Rep. Bill Paxon (R-N.Y.), husband of former Rep. Susan Molinari (R-S.I.) and son-in-law of former Staten Island Borough President Guy Molinari. Paxon commands top dollar and represents a wealth of big corporate clients.

They’ve also signed Michael Rosetti, a Buffalo native who handled bitter land disputes as a lawyer for the federal Department of the Interior.

. . .

While the law allows the Yanks to replace them with new parks, the replacements must sit nearby and must be worth at least as much as the old ones. The team’s current replacement offer has activists fuming.

“This isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and the Yankees are fully aware of that,” said Geoffrey Croft of New York City Park Advocates. “The land itself is not a good swap, because some [fields] are on top of parking garages. [And] five of the acres are a mile away from their existing place.”

If the feds accept the swap, his group will sue, Croft vowed.

Meanwhile, Bronx Borough President is using his only available statutory power (lame!) to punish community board members who didn’t back the project:

Bronx Borough President Adolfo Carrión is playing hardball with the community board that tried to block his pitch for a new Yankee Stadium.

Four of the nine members of Community Board 4, including its chair, are up for reappointment, a spokeswoman for Carrión noted.

And while Carrión isn’t revealing his lineup shuffle, this may well be payback time for the board’s November 2005 vote against plans to bulldoze two popular public parks in favor of the new stadium.

The only stadium supporter not reappointed is Chairman Ade Rasul, and that, board sources say, may be because he failed to persuade his colleagues to back the controversial project. Rasul did not return a call seeking comment.

Board sources say others denied reappointment include longtime members Gertrude Lane, Marie Stroud and Louise Williams, none of whom could be reached for comment.

Samuel French, You Bastard!

A Bronx high school has been forced to cancel its spring performance of the musical “Chicago” because the piece’s publisher is worried consumers will somehow mistake a high school production for Broadway . . . which pretty much says it all about Broadway:

The news shattered more than 75 students and teachers at Herbert H. Lehman High School who had worked hard on the amateur production for three months and planned to perform Thursday — at $7 a ticket.

“We were all putting everything we had into it, and for someone to tell me I can’t do this is like someone telling me I can’t breathe or I can’t walk,” said Justin Valentin, a 17-year-old senior slated to star as lawyer Billy Flynn.

“For months I’ve gone to bed every night singing the songs,” he added.

The bad news came Friday when the East Tremont school was slammed with a severe “cease and desist” order from Samuel French Inc., representing the authors of the play and citing copyright law and licensing agreements.

French officials said school principal Robert Leder failed to ask for permission to put on the smash show.

But even if he had, it would not have been granted because the school is too close to the Ambassador Theatre, where the show is playing on Broadway at up to $235 a ticket.

“I’m sorry,” said “Chicago” producer Barry Weissler. “I feel terrible for the kids, but I have an agreement with the Ambassador Theatre that does not allow a performance within 75 miles of New York City.”

. . .

The cease-and-desist order threatened “severe penalties” — including large monetary damages for the student performers, their parents and the public school if rehearsals continued and a performance was held.

The letter was faxed to Principal Robert Leder after someone tipped off Samuel French.

“I’m partly guilty in that I never, ever thought of asking for permission — never ever,” said Leder, adding that he’s been principal for 27 years and put on a show annually.

He said he was faced with the threat of $250,000 in damages.

Brad Lohrenz, the Samuel French official who sent the letter, told The News, “Nobody is trying to be mean and everyone at the school was very nice, but there are restrictions.”

Theatre should be free, motherfuckers!

The Urban Speed Trap

More confirmation that cops have quotas:

Transit cops in the Bronx are hiding out in secret rooms at subway stations near Yankee Stadium to catch more fare-beaters and scofflaws, police sources told the Daily News.

The peekaboo policing has led to a string of arrests — and allegations by disgruntled cops that their commanding officer has imposed an illegal ticket-writing quota.

In a recent directive to cops in Transit District 11, NYPD Capt. Johnny Cardona admonished some officers for not writing enough tickets and told them they would not get overtime money unless they handed out more summonses.

“We had a few personnel in certain squads that did not perform to standard,” Cardona wrote in the April 18 memo obtained by The News. “So, effective immediately, those individuals will not be authorized programmatic overtime.”

. . .

PBA officials have argued that police supervisors have imposed quotas in some fashion all across the city — charges that NYPD brass have strongly denied.

However, a cop assigned to Transit District 11 said officers in subways hide out in unmarked transit offices, janitor closets and bathrooms — peering out doors and windows to catch turnstile jumpers and other scofflaws.

“I’ve done it myself,” the cop said. “It’s pretty easy. Nine out of 10 of them don’t run.”

Preventing the crimes before they happen is not encouraged, the cop said.

“We could stand out there and prevent it, but then no one would jump the turnstile,” he said. “If you want to get your numbers, you have to catch them in the act.”

Previously on “Don’t They Have Anything Better To Do?”: We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Quotas — We Have Productivity Goals For That!; Abolish The Quota System! Now!; No Ticket Quotas, Eh?