Biggest. Snowfall. Ever. Or, “The Poetry Of Wine And Soft Jazz”

If there were ever a time to use That. Annoying. Punctuation. Convention. it’s this:

The biggest winter storm in New York City history — destined for lionization as the Blizzard of ’06 — buried the region and much of the Northeast yesterday under blowing, drifting, thigh-high snows that crippled transportation and commerce, knocked out power and disrupted life for millions in 14 states.

After two months of humbug winter, the region awoke to a milk-white morning and an awesome storm that exceeded all forecasts, with snowfalls that transformed straw-drab landscapes into February postcards and brought out skiers, sledders and other wonderlanders.

Plows were out in force, too, and working around the clock. But there was so much snow that only major arteries were expected to be open for the start of the workweek today, and officials forecast sluggish commuting for anyone who failed to take mass transit. The storm — a great Crab nebula 1,200 miles long and 500 miles wide on satellite images and a ghostly apparition on the ground — crawled up the Eastern Seaboard overnight with winds that gusted up to 60 miles an hour, and cloaked the cities and countrysides from North Carolina to coastal Maine with 12 to more than 27 inches of snow, which broke or challenged records in many locales.

A total of 26.9 inches fell in Central Park, the most since record-keeping began in 1869, the National Weather Service reported. In what weather experts called a remarkable and relentless fall that began late Saturday afternoon and ended late yesterday, it eclipsed the legendary blow of Dec. 26-27, 1947, which dropped 26.4 inches and killed 77 people. It also easily surpassed the memorable No. 3 and No. 2 storms, of Jan. 6-7, 1996, which left 20.2 inches, and March 12-14, 1888, the notorious Blizzard of ’88, which dropped 21 inches.

And Bah Humbug this — the storm wasn’t “technically” a blizzard:

Oddly, the record snowstorm in New York City was not technically a blizzard there, although it met the criteria on Long Island and elsewhere: winds of at least 35 miles an hour for three consecutive hours, and visibility of less than a quarter mile.

Whatever its official status in Gotham, the storm, a classic northeaster, was so powerful and the snow so deep that it seemed all but certain to be remembered as a blizzard. “We are talking about a technical definition,” said Jeff Tongue, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service at Brookhaven, N.Y.

And what conveys “cutting edge reporting from the best newspaper in the country” like the poetry of wine and soft jazz?

Central Park was a setting from a storybook. Children dragging parents dragging snowboards and sleds converged on all sides in a daylong migration. Large dogs galloped through the drifted meadows of the Great Lawn, and cross-country skiers glided among joggers gallomping in snowshoes.

For many indoors, it was a day to relax by a window, perhaps with a glass of wine and soft jazz on the radio, and take in the unreal loveliness of winter — the panes frosted like glass from Murano, the sills drifted with flourishes of lacework, and, out in the storm, dreamscapes of snow blowing down a street, curtains of snow falling in great sweeps, snow settling like peace in the parks and skeletal woodlands.

In an otherwise anemic winter filled with too many sunny days and too many clichés about spring, the storm elicited something more-or-less poetic from its admirers.

Meanwhile, instead of dithering over J.D. Salinger moments, the Post calls it like it sees it:

We were blown away.

The Great Whiteout of ’06 — the biggest, boldest, baddest snowstorm ever to bombard the city — dumped 26.9 inches of the white stuff on the Apple yesterday, an all-time record.

And the Daily News practically shits itself:

“People have to just relax, it’s just a little bit of snow,” said Dean Willis, of Brooklyn. “There will be toilet paper and milk in the stores on Monday.”

See also: Blizzard of 2006, mostly in Hunters Point, Queens.

Staten Island Chuck Sees Swift Switch To Spring

Staten Island Chuck — the borough’s answer to Punxsutawney Phil — emerged from his stump and did not see his shadow, leading true believers to expect an early Spring:

Charles G. Hogg the 6th, better known as Staten Island Chuck, has rendered his verdict.

During a festive debut at the Staten Island Zoo in West Brighton this morning, Chuck emerged from a hollow tree stump — with a little nudging from his handler Doug Schwartz — at around 7:30 a.m. and gave the people what they wanted: The prediction of an early spring.

“Chuck did not see his shadow,” said Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) who presided over this morning’s ceremony with the tuxedo-wearing Advance Editor Brian J. Laline. “Get out your shorts and T-shirts. Spring is coming early.”

. . .

To prepare for his moment in the spotlight this morning, Chuck spent yesterday being pampered by Schwartz, who groomed his fur and gave him his favorite supper of carrots and broccoli.

Last year, Charles the 6th’s predecessor and father, Charles the 5th, wrongly predicted an early spring, but sent a poem from his retirement in sunny Florida, which was read by Schumer and Laline. The pair were jubilant that last year’s unfortunate weather miscalculation would be put to rest.

. . .

According to the Staten Island Zoo, Charles and his predecessors have been fairly accurate meteorologists since 1981. They have been correct 21 of the last 26 years, missing the mark in 1984, 1992, 1998, 2001 and 2005.

Chuck’s chief rival, Punxsutawney Phil of Pennsylvania, a well-known meteorological hero, scored last year with his accurate prediction of six more weeks of cold weather.

It seems the groundhogs are going head-to-head again this year as Phil was aroused this morning to announce that winter is sticking around for a while.

“We just received a bulletin from Pennsylvania,” said John Caltabiano, Zoo executive director. “Phil just predicted six more weeks of winter. What does he know?”

Gentle Reminder

Today’s 61 degrees (so far!) serves as a gentle reminder of how out of touch Metropolitan Diary can be. See, in particular, today’s “January Lament”: “The weather shows it’s not July/and empathy’s in short supply.”

Has this person ventured outside in, I don’t know, the last 30 days? Because it’s not just today — the Sun reported on the warm weather — this January is one of the top ten warmest ever — back on January 11th:

In Midtown yesterday, it was evident that the recent bout of unusually warm weather is beginning to affect people’s perceptions of winter.

Some wore scarves but not jackets; others discarded all the trappings of the season and simply wore T-shirts.

Not that yesterday was a record breaker for warmth: The mercury in Central Park topped out at 49, 6 degrees above normal but 11 short of the record set in 1876. Monday was the record-setting day, when the temperature climbed to 60 at La Guardia Airport, shattering the record of 50 set in 1998.

. . .

So far this year, temperatures have dipped below freezing only three times, according to the National Weather Service. Normally by January, the jet stream is blowing cold air from Canada through the steel and concrete canyons of the city.

“Typically, by this time of year, things have shifted around where the northern branch of the jet stream has taken over, but that hasn’t happened yet, and it doesn’t look like it will happen soon,” a meteorologist with the National Weather Service, Adrienne Leptich, said.

Instead, warm air from the west and south has kept temperatures high. Warm days are expected for the rest of the week, with the warmest weather coming Friday, when temperatures could reach 60.

Record-Breaking Rainfall

After yesterday’s Wilma-related rainfall, New York came this close to breaking a record for rainfall in a single month, although there are still a couple of days left in October. Joy. The record, in case you’re interested, came in September 1882 when 16.85 inches rain fell.

Seven Days . . . SEVEN DAYS OF RAIN!

The Times finally runs a human interest piece about this crazy rain (after all, Times readers are interested in the weather, too!), and somehow manages not to Tom Wolfe it up too much. Or perhaps not — let’s run the special New York Times Tom Wolfinating Check:

• Tourists from California? Check.
• Stockbroker? Check.
• Woman in Queens hair salon? Check.
• The guard at Downtown Brooklyn’s Fulton Mall? Check.
• Administrative Assistant living in Bed-Stuy? Check.
• Woman in calf-high suede boots (idiot!)? Check.
• Mother? Check. (Does she live in Brownsville? Yes!)
• Poodle? Check, check, check!

The Tom Wolfinator Machine gives this Times story high marks for vapid “cross-section” of the city (“high marks” but not “highest marks” — need more homeless).