Like Yaddo . . . With Pasties

Thank god summer’s over — everyone but you has been relaxing, recreating and honing their particular set of skills while you’ve been slaving away here in the city:

Once a month on a sleepy Wednesday night at the Slipper Room, women from around the city gather with pasties, costumes and a stack of striptease autobiographies to gab about burlesque.

. . .

The salon lasts for about an hour, and gives burlesque dancers a chance to try out new acts and receive feedback from other performers. In between workshops, they take turns reading passages from the autobiographies of famous burlesque dancers and, much like a Bible study, discuss what they can learn from the reading.

“The experience of burlesque then and the experience of burlesque now are completely unrecognizable, don’t you find?” Professor Jo Boobs, who leads the salon, said after a reading about Gypsy Rose Lee. “I think a lot of us focus on the community because no matter how hard you work, the focus on burlesque is no longer on the income.”

Jo Boobs has just returned from a burlesque retreat in the woods of Washington state. She is an important figure in the New York burlesque scene, teaching several classes annually and serving as a G-string godmother to the new girls . . .

(You might think this has a “Hack Heaven” feel to it but it in fact seems to be real . . . besides, it would be extraordinarily lame to do that in Metro New York, wouldn’t it?)

OK Computer!

And the best thing is that you’ll never again have to worry about the Christmas tip:

[Colin] Foster is the vice president of sales and marketing for Virtual Doorman, the top product of a security firm called Virtual Service, which promises to offer residents and managers of small buildings the services of a professional doorman at a fraction of the cost — without skimping on security or convenience.

It used to be that small walkups were second-class buildings,” Foster said. “They did not fetch the same pricing as a doorman building. Now, small buildings can offer those same amenities.”

Virtual Doorman is a standalone, computerized system that integrates with a building’s own computers while linking its high-end color video monitors with the building’s existing intercoms, Foster said.

The electronic system is manned remotely 24 hours a day by a third-party agency that is linked directly to the building’s local fire department, police and medical services.

The system is monitored constantly, and can perform all the tasks of an old-fashioned, human doorman, Foster said, including screening guests, accepting deliveries and laundry, and unlocking doors for tenants who lost their keys.

Foster insists man and machine can co-exist. It is written into their policy that Virtual Doorman will not replace any members of 32BJ, the union that represents workers including New York doormen.

. . .

Still, the union thinks there’s no substitution for old-fashioned manpower. “The experience and training of doormen, combined with their familiarity of residents cannot be replaced by electronic services that control building access from remote locations,” according to a 32BJ statement.

“The safety of New Yorkers living in condominiums and apartments belongs in the real-life hands of diligent doormen who can maintain on-site control of their buildings.”

Backstory: Here’s A Tip . . .

You’ve Come All This Way — Shouldn’t You At Least Get To See A Little More Of The City?

Where running and minimalism meet:

Imagine, for a moment, running 3,100 miles — the distance from Queens to Los Angeles plus an additional 300 miles — all around a single city block in Jamaica Hill. This is how 10 men and one woman are spending part of their summer.

The Sri Chinmoy Self-Transcendence 3,100 Mile Race began June 17, and Asprihanal Aalto of Finland was the first to finish Monday at about 10:30 a.m., completing the race in 43 days, four hours, 26 minutes and 32 seconds of pounding the pavement. Yet he was right back at the race course Tuesday morning to offer encouragement to the other runners.

“My heart is still in the race,” Aalto said, checking a photocopied sheet with each runner’s mileage and laps completed per day. “I saw Smarana [Puntigam, of Austria, currently in fourth place] had a bad day yesterday — he only did 108 laps — so I went to talk to him.”

The remaining 10 are on track to complete 5,657 loops of the block around Thomas Edison Career and Technical High School, bounded by the Grand Central Parkway eastbound service road, 168th Street, 164th Place and 84th Avenue. The man in second place, Ayojan Stojanovich, of Serbia, was expected to finish the race Wednesday on day 45, and most runners take about 51 days. A support team tracks the runners’ laps and mileage, offers encouragement and keeps a supply of water and high-fat, high-calorie snacks on the tables at the finish line.

. . .

The runners stay moving from 6 a.m. to midnight every day, jogging, trudging or walking.

“You can’t do this race looking behind you. You have to look deep inside,” [runner Suprabha] Beckjord said.

Abichal Watkins, of Wales, said he had to drop out the first year he applied for the race because his visa expired before he had completed the 3,100 miles.

“I came back the next year to finish,” he said. “This is the longest certified footrace in the world. It’s an opportunity to self-transcend, do something you’ve never done before.”

We Don’t Need No Stinking Dolphins (Stinking Creeks On The Other Hand . . .)!

More proof that New Yorkers will pay for virtually anything:

A typical passenger might expect to see certain things when spending $50 for a two-hour cruise, like a wonder of the world, or a leaping dolphin or two.

But yesterday, a two-story taxi boat was almost full to capacity with people who spent about that much for a tour of one of New York’s most polluted waterways, Newtown Creek.

Cameras flickered away and passengers gawked as the industrial buildings, recycling plants and toxic sites that flank the creek slid by.

“The $50 is a lot, but it’s worth it,” said Gene Pizzolo, 60, one of the 64 people on the boat.

. . .

Some of the creek is accessible by foot, but most of its banks are private property, so the best way in is by water.

At least one passenger said she detected an oily smell.

An explosion in 1950 leaked an estimated 17 million gallons of oil and gasoline, more than the Exxon Valdez spill, into the creek and its banks, and lawsuits seeking a faster cleanup continue today.

During heavy rains, the city’s sewer system overflows and dumps raw sewage into the creek, among other places.

. . .

Many passengers walked back and forth on the boat trying to find the perfect camera shot.

“I consider it money well spent,” said Liza Drake, 59, enjoying the view from the top deck. “I can’t think of any other way to get on the creek for cheaper.”

It’s Bad Enough Taking My Kid To Work Once A Year — Now That One, Too?

Thank goodness every other day is Spare Your Co-Workers Your Stinky Pet Day:

June 22 will mark Pet Sitters International’s ninth annual “Take Your Dog to Work Day,” a unique opportunity for owners and their pets to share a positive bonding experience in the workplace.

“‘Take Your Dog To Work Day’ works because it confronts the realities of pet overpopulation in a positive and proactive way,” said PSI president Patti Moran.

Dog owners who feel guilty about leaving their beloved pooch sitting alone in an empty house all day will have the opportunity to show them what their masters do while they would normally be catching a snooze on the couch.

. . .

The Staten Island Chamber of Commerce also will be participating in the event but has extended the invitation to felines as well.

“It’s discriminatory that it’s just for dogs,” joked Jennifer Fontana of Dongan Hills, who is excitedly bringing her chocolate Labrador, Jade, and puggle, Louie, to work on Friday.