To Paraphrase Chris Rock: What Do You Want, A Cookie? You’re Supposed To Clear The Snow!

Perhaps yesterday you noticed all the plow-fitted garbage trucks moping around your neighborhood sullenly scraping at the pavement every half hour or so — this long after the snow stopped and the skies turned bright blue. That harsh plastic-on-frozen-asphalt sound you heard from blocks away was actually a sneer: “You want this plowed? I’ll plow until you can feel it in your teeth!”

Let’s try another tortured baseball analogy:

City crews “did what they were supposed to do,” Mayor Bloomberg declared Wednesday as he briefed reporters on snow cleanup at the city’s emergency management headquarters in Brooklyn.

“They learned each time from what they did the previous time. And sometimes you get a curve ball that you weren’t ready for and next time, you try to get ready for . . . that kind of pitch as well.”

And I hope this was a joke, though it was hard to tell by the tone of the evening news anchors when they first reported it:

Mayor Bloomberg was so pleased [by the Sanitation Department’s concerted snow removal efforts], he opened a snow briefing by commenting that the city had volunteered to help dig out Long Island.

If they need something to do maybe they might want to consider returning to regular tasks like clearing all the garbage piled on the sidewalks . . . I’m sure the folks who put on those expensive management seminars at Harvard each summer would agree.

Yes, Pile On

If you find that you’re exhausted from another obsequious New York Observer editorial, you can always rely on Clyde Haberman to perk you up again:

Only a month ago, before the storm, representatives of Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg insisted somewhat superciliously that everything was fine in this regard. The issue then was whether the mayor’s desire to be a national figure on matters like gun control, immigration and economic policy might distract him from the less romantic, but essential, duties of running the city. His chief spokesman, Stu Loeser, was asked about this on Dec. 8 in an interview with NY1.

Mr. Loeser’s response was that Mr. Bloomberg and those around him can do it all. “If there’s one thing that the mayor has shown over the last eight years,” he said, “is that both he and we as a government really have the collective ability to walk and chew gum at the same time.”

A CityTime scandal and a disastrous snowstorm later — you may also throw in the earlier inelegant management of the appointment of a new schools chancellor — the walk-chew ratio turns out to need reconfiguration.

See also: December 2010 Blizzard.

Never Pass Up An Opportunity To Make A Pointed Political Statement

I’m surprised he’s here at all — I would have assumed he was in Bermuda. Speaking of which, maybe there’s a reason your street isn’t plowed yet — no money:

Mayor Bloomberg vowed to dig New York out from under the snowy mess no matter what it costs the cash-strapped city.

“We’re going to plow the snow, clean the streets and then worry about how to pay for it,” he told reporters at a emergency news conference in a Manhattan sanitation garage.

But before that happens, let’s make sure CityTime is back on track.

See also: December 2010 Blizzard.

Am I Authentic, Blue-Collar Or Proud [Check Box]?

They may not have done much yet in the off season but that doesn’t mean the team isn’t concerned about the brand:

With the last few dismal seasons behind them and one full of questions ahead, the Mets are conducting surveys — to find ways to win fans back.

“If the Mets’ logo were to appear on your favorite brand of bread, how would it affect your purchase?” asks an online poll sent to fans.

Some had a quick response — grumbling that the nearly 50-year-old franchise still seems more focused on developing a brand than on winning games. “This survey is either a testimony to their chutzpah or further proof that management is so out of touch with the fan base. Either way, it’s not the right way to connect with your potential customers,” [one fan] said after answering a survey question on whether he saw the Mets as “authentic,” “blue-collar” or “proud.”

Other funny questions in the survey include “When thinking about the New York Mets, what are the first five (5) words or phrases that come to mind?” — I would love to see some of the responses. Also “How likely would you recommend being a New York Mets fan to a friend or colleague?” — would even a fan wish that on someone? And this:

Which of the following phrases best describes the New York Mets organization? (Please select up to three responses)

• A community-oriented, socially responsible organization
• A young, hard-working organization that emphasizes a “team” approach
• A diverse organization that represents the local area
• An organization that plays the game hard, the right way, and with respect
• A welcoming, inviting, accessible and approachable organization
• A real, authentic organization that represents New York’s heritage and values
• An inspiring organization that works “for the people”
• A family-friendly, fan-friendly, fun organization
• An organization with new direction and new philosophy
• None of the above

People, take it away! Mets, please please please publish the responses!

Textbook Irony, Right?

The consultants who set up the City’s flawed and astonishingly overbudget CityTime timekeeping system — by now allegedly ten times overbudget — are now federally fucked:

“In an ironic twist, a project intended to prevent payroll waste, fraud and abuse was itself allegedly bilked in part by fraudulent time-keeping,” said Manhattan US Attorney Preet Bharara.