I Saw The Best Restaurateurs Of My Generation Destroyed By Madness

Sure, here’s my email — gofugyourself@youyahoo.com:

The owner of the Meatpacking District bistro made George Steinbrenner and Donald Trump look like pussycats, when he sent a profanity-laden e-mail memo to his staff demanding they get customers’ e-mail addresses or be fired.

“WHAT THE F – – – IS WRONG WITH YOU A – -HOLES?!?!?!” wrote Paradou owner Vadim Ponorovsky. “How many times do we have to tell you how important it is that you collect emails.

“Everytime we have a slow night and you make no money and you sit there bitching about how you make no money, remember its because youre f – – -ing lazy motherf – – – – – s. YOU SHOULD ALL BE FIRED IMMEDIATELY!!!!!”

Paradou told the staff that they must collect at least 20 e-mails each week from customers or they would be fined $100. If they failed to meet the quota for two weeks, they would be canned, he wrote.

. . .

“This was my ‘Howl!’ ” he said, comparing his epic to the poem by Allen Ginsberg. “How many times can you say the same thing and not get results? You get frustrated . . .

“My e-mail conveyed the seriousness, the anger, the despondence I felt. Collecting e-mails and reaching out to clients that way is an integral part of promoting my business.”

Bloomberg Declares Phillies NL Team To Beat In 2010

No word yet on how Mets fans feel about the mayor’s bold prediction:

Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter suited up in Yankee pinstripes yesterday after his team was routed by the Bronx Bombers in the World Series — although it was for a good cause.

Nutter’s shirt bore No. 55 — in honor of Series MVP Hideki Matsui — when he painted some hallways at IS 131 in The Bronx. The paint job at the Soundview school was the price Nutter paid for losing his World Series bet with Mayor Bloomberg.

. . .

Mayor Bloomberg was also wearing a Yankee jersey — No. 27, signifying the Bombers’ 27th world championship.

“I’m looking forward to having Mayor Nutter here next year, painting another school,” he said.

Let’s Get The Acme Corporation To Smoke This Super Genius . . .

When it comes to coyotes invading Queens, nature must lose the battle:

Maybe, somewhere in the more wooded areas around Rochdale Village, maybe . . . the creature lurks. Traps have been set. But people, like Darnell Brunston have already taken pictures. And they’re not waiting to be told what it is. They’re giving it a name.

“I saw him the other night. He’s taller than me when he stands up on his two hind legs. That is a coyote! I’m a country boy from Georgia. That’s exactly what it is,” resident Richard Howard said.

. . .

Animal Control officers have set up a series of traps. They think they’re going to find a stray dog. But you never know.

. . .

“There are people who park in that lot who have small children. Can you imagine you put your stroller to the side, you’re putting your baby in, and the coyote . . . you turn around, and the coyote’s in your stroller?” added resident Tiffany Arrington.

Officials want to see everything before they determine if it is indeed a coyote. But when you talk to folks here they are convinced it is.

Give ‘Em Enough Grope And They’ll Hang Themselves

Maybe if we can get the cops to stop issuing lame parking tickets they’ll start to crack down on some real assholes.

Coyote “Or Similar Creature” Invades Long Island, Queens . . .

That there are coyotes on Long Island now, where they haven’t been seen before (“Coyotes are firmly established throughout all New York counties except Long Island and New York City”), is freaky enough without seeing them within city limits:

Animal control officers set a trap at Rochdale Village after a coyote or similar creature was spotted prowling around a parking lot in the sprawling south Queens cooperative housing complex.