{"id":792,"date":"2014-09-14T23:40:18","date_gmt":"2014-09-15T03:40:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/?p=792"},"modified":"2014-09-21T23:48:49","modified_gmt":"2014-09-22T03:48:49","slug":"the-one-handed-snatch-of-the-green-lacewing-runnin-with-the-devil-lol","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/2014\/09\/14\/the-one-handed-snatch-of-the-green-lacewing-runnin-with-the-devil-lol\/","title":{"rendered":"The One-Handed Snatch Of The Green Lacewing Runnin&#039; With The Devil. LOL."},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>September 7, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Hey, Girls Season 2: Quit yelling at your friend on the third floor to come open the door; this isn&#39;t Bushwick. Also, get a cell phone.<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/508475925860986880\">September 7, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nHello, new roommate, this is a quiet street. Please don&#039;t yell at your buddy to come down to get you. Edit: only if you&#039;re John Cusack. Or Rapunzel. Just last week there was this really fuckin&#039; drunk chick in our planter trying to get that person&#039;s attention. You know, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.radioshack.com\/product\/index.jsp?productId=3198210\"> Radio Shack seems to be trying to reposition itself<\/a>. Ironically, I don&#039;t own a cell phone &#8212; which is why I carry a pocketful of pebbles.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>One-handed snatch.<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/508507988148387840\">September 7, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nStill awake the night of Girls Season 2 above. Sometimes if you watch SportsCenter too long, it starts to speak to you in strange ways: sophomoric double entendres vaguely hinting at masturbation, for one.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Which tab is talking to me?<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/508512964279013377\">September 7, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\n3:11 a.m. and reaching diminishing returns; honestly I have no fucking clue what I was working on or what I was awake doing. One of my pet peeves is when something starts autoplaying in a browser full of tabs.<\/p>\n<p><strong>September 8, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>That stinky bug I crushed was a Green Lacewing. Turns out it&#39;s beneficial, eating harmful aphids and such. Sorry Green Lacewing. Now I know.<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/509065223035424768\">September 8, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nI wouldn&#039;t have even Googled it were it not for the extremely weird smell on my finger after I smooshed <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Chrysopidae\">the thing<\/a>; it was something along the lines of George Burns&#039; breath.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>So much about this article makes me want to fucking punch someone that I don&#39;t know where to begin: <a href=\"http:\/\/t.co\/dPbfIakJL6\">http:\/\/t.co\/dPbfIakJL6<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/509151991147560960\">September 9, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nHonestly, it just made me really cranky; that this happened on the day the Ray Rice news broke sort of shows just how cranky it made me. Reading it again made me think I was overreacting slightly. Salient points: 1) Moms, demand more from deadbeat Dads &#8212; everyone should fucking know how to cook &#8212; that way stories like these don&#039;t have to sound so fucking parochial; 2) Kids should learn some goddamn manners and not sound so freaking ungrateful; 3) You don&#039;t &#034;sort of&#034; learn how to fix a car &#8212; you learn how to fix a car &#8212; there&#039;s a minimum, basic level of cooking that doesn&#039;t have to rely on frozen or processed foods, let&#039;s learn it (another reason not to vote for Cuomo); 4) I forget.<\/p>\n<p><strong>September 10, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>I found the simple life ain&#39;t so simple when I jumped out on that road.<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/509762461038542848\">September 10, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nIf it&#039;s not immediately apparent, those are Van Halen lyrics.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Loving Cuomo&#39;s ISIS-esque &quot;decapitate&quot; imagery in new Astorino attack ad.<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/509830058492846080\">September 10, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nI can&#039;t find a video of the ad on YouTube, but the way they highlight &#034;decapitate&#034; on the screen seems oddly timed to evoke ISIS. <a href=\"http:\/\/observer.com\/2014\/06\/in-lawsuit-independence-party-alleges-astorino-threatened-to-decapitate-leadership\/\">Here&#039;s the backstory<\/a>.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Unclear what&#39;s behind the recent surge in Mio &quot;Squirt Some&quot; ads; thought we were done with that.<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/509907953697447936\">September 11, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nA friend is so baffled by who actually uses Mio. I just really dislike self-consciously oddball ads; a whole generation born after the Simpsons and David Letterman is making culture completely fucking unbearable.<\/p>\n<p><strong>September 11, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>This is making me second guess not making more of an effort to secure a babysitter\/make arrangements\/raid savings: <a href=\"http:\/\/t.co\/uu8tCfQFBf\">http:\/\/t.co\/uu8tCfQFBf<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/509931861133778945\">September 11, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nA friend who knew I was hedging about whether to attend the Replacements concert at Forest Hills (don&#039;t even know if it&#039;s sold out or not) passed this video along. One, they sound great. Two, Paul Westerberg looks great &#8212; not an easy thing to for a 54-year-old (!) to pull off. Still, I don&#039;t think I can make it out there. And that&#039;s my &#034;September 11&#034; tweet.<\/p>\n<p><strong>September 12, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Sniffing around for most egregious misuse of &quot;lol.&quot;<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/510284994275975168\">September 12, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/blogs\/early-lead\/wp\/2014\/09\/11\/paul-george-apologizes-to-domestic-violence-victims-after-tweeting-about-ray-rice\/\">Paul George laughing out loud about keeping things moving<\/a>. Honestly though, I&#039;ve seen so many inappropriate uses of &#034;lol&#034; that it seems less about laughing out loud than laughing nervously out loud &#8212; if you take all those weird instances of &#034;lol&#034; and insert &#034;nervously and uncomfortably,&#034; as in &#034;laughing nervously and uncomfortably out loud,&#034; it&#039;s probably closer to what people really intend to say. Ultimately, we&#039;re just a nation of really awkward people. LOL.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>I just want to know, will the solar flare affect real-time updates of fantasy data?<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/510308386089730048\">September 12, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nFeeling anxious, and not at all comfortable with our lineup. LOL.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Why can&#39;t I tell the difference between a pear and an apple?<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/510478573447421952\">September 12, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nSeriously, some of this shit the CSA gives us is trippin&#039;.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>The great thing about eating solids is holding the spoon.<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/510489096729686016\">September 12, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nLunchtime and the six-month-old is learning how to eat. He wants to gouge out his eye or perform a tonsillectomy.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Does anyone have a line on the type of cannon that shoots corn and black beans so majestically?<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/510623960929927168\">September 13, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nA Chili&#039;s ad, it&#039;s at 0:08:<br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" src=\"\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/i8cziJpFgo4\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Go fuck yourselves MT <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/NewYorkObserver\">@NewYorkObserver<\/a>:artists are encouraged to drop off their bad work at <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/MoMAPS1\">@MoMAPS1<\/a> and retire. <a href=\"http:\/\/t.co\/C33grPgwsr\">http:\/\/t.co\/C33grPgwsr<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/510624409754013696\">September 13, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nI still don&#039;t get it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>September 13, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>I&#39;m all about U house caterpillar.<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/510685366471647232\">September 13, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nI guess I meant to say <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Scutigera_coleoptrata\">&#034;house centipede&#034;<\/a>. Usually I crush; this time I thought about the green lacewing. (Beer + whiskey) * 3:04 a.m. = general sloppiness.<\/p>\n<p><strong>September 14, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Q: When is it OK to smile in a mugshot? A: Don&#39;t know, but definitely not for a child abuse charge.<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/511002906431344640\">September 14, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nI&#039;m assuming Adrian Peterson must have been coached on how much to smile on <a href=\"http:\/\/www.thehollywoodgossip.com\/2014\/09\/adrian-peterson-mug-shot-released-what-me-worry\/\">his mug shot<\/a>, but it&#039;s a strange look, and not one I think I&#039;d go for.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>To the weirdly aggressive driver with the &quot;I served in Iraq&quot; bumper sticker I flipped off, I should add I still thank you for your service.<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/511123799627296768\">September 14, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nI know it&#039;s dumb to flip off drivers, but this guy ostentatiously (and dangerously) pulled all the way around us as we coasted to a red light. I&#039;m just like &#034;What the fuck?&#034; I&#039;m not sure why I find it so important to enforce the social contract; must be all this <a href=\"http:\/\/www.nyc.gov\/visionzero\">Vision Zero<\/a> talk. His truck had the license plate &#034;RAMPAG3.&#034; I was kind of like &#034;Harrumph, of course,&#034; and then I saw his <a href=\"http:\/\/deadspin.com\/5892931\/the-irq-car-decal-noble-or-horrible\">IRQ sticker<\/a> and felt conflicted. Can&#039;t I flip you off <em>and<\/em> thank you for your service? And isn&#039;t that just what being an American is all about?<\/p>\n<p><strong>September 15, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Argh G III<\/p>\n<p>&mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/511236150133268480\">September 14, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nChecked in on the points and was feeling pretty good until I noticed the crawl on the bottom of the screen that he left the game and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/express\/wp\/2014\/09\/14\/the-redskins-win-and-the-loss-of-rgiii-is-todays-cover-story\/\">may be out for the season<\/a>. We put him on waivers and picked up (ugh) Ben Roethlisberger, who apparently is the only remaining starting QB left in the league. We&#039;re screwed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>September 7, 2014 Hey, Girls Season 2: Quit yelling at your friend on the third floor to come open the door; this isn&#39;t Bushwick. Also, get a cell phone. &mdash; Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) September 7, 2014 Hello, new roommate, this is a quiet street. Please don&#039;t yell at your buddy to come down [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[944],"tags":[953,947,952,950,949,948,951,946],"class_list":["post-792","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-too-much-information","tag-annotated-twitter","tag-beneficial-insects","tag-fantasy-island","tag-lol","tag-squirt-some","tag-van-halens-1978-eponymous-debut-album","tag-vision-zero","tag-wireless-door-chimes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=792"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":793,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792\/revisions\/793"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=792"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=792"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=792"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}