{"id":800,"date":"2014-09-29T07:51:58","date_gmt":"2014-09-29T11:51:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/?p=800"},"modified":"2014-09-29T07:53:35","modified_gmt":"2014-09-29T11:53:35","slug":"are-you-there-god-its-me-ooma-and-ive-got-the-facial-hair-to-prove-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/2014\/09\/29\/are-you-there-god-its-me-ooma-and-ive-got-the-facial-hair-to-prove-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You There, Peter Coyote? It&#039;s Me, Ooma . . . And I&#039;ve Got The Facial Hair To Prove It"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>September 23, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Things Ken Burns cares about, in order of importance: Baseball, The Civil War, National Parks, Jazz, The Roosevelts. cc: Peter Coyote<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/514265368760954880\">September 23, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nAnd then you&#039;re like, &#034;How many hours long is this thing?&#034;<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Gary &amp; Ooma make me want to fucking hurt myself.<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/514275579844370432\">September 23, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nWhat he said; also, I don&#039;t like living in a world where commercials make flirty banter between man and machine look &#034;cute.&#034;<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>A territorial group with an inflated self-concept and unruly facial hair.<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/514291621207494656\">September 23, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nIt was archival images of TR during his days in the Badlands, but it could have been 20-somethings in Bushwick. Or ISIS along the Euphrates.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>No Pinch. No Stink. No Sweat.<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/514418972473954304\">September 23, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nThese dagnamit Buck Naked Underwear ads are starting to get into Slanket territory; you can&#039;t &#8212; just <em>can&#039;t<\/em> &#8212; use &#034;stink&#034; and &#034;sweat&#034; in the same sentence when talking about anything remotely related to a man&#039;s crotch.<\/p>\n<p><strong>September 24, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>If you wonder, as I often do, why I&#039;m always up so late, it&#039;s midnight . . .<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/514625465584463872\">September 24, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nMidnight is somehow both late enough and early enough to make a mess of things.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Great big thing crawling all over me.<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/514653069213466625\">September 24, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/youtu.be\/2ruuMh0fF5s\">Big Black&#039;s &#034;Steelworker&#034;<\/a> came on the shuffle while I was doing some wild goose chase housework (sometimes there&#039;s a good reason for a drop ceiling, and that&#039;s when there is none) and it stuck in my head. Mr. Baby, Too is more than 20 pounds and is nowhere near crawling, so when he&#039;s in the Ergo, it gives new meaning to &#034;great big thing crawling all over me,&#034; a line I never really understood to begin with. Also, while doing dishes it occurred to me that &#034;I kill what I eat&#034; is sort of backwards, right? You eat what you kill, like Ted Nugent, not the opposite &#8212; that is, <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Sannakji\">unless you&#039;re into certain Asian dishes<\/a> . . .<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Abso-bucking-lutely!<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/514657484439818241\">September 24, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nThe night the Pirates clinched; I initially misheard, probably because I&#039;m not really following the Pirates.<\/p>\n<p><strong>September 25, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>So much about dogs is so fucking disgusting: <a href=\"http:\/\/t.co\/uySb77OWAn\">http:\/\/t.co\/uySb77OWAn<\/a><\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/515181164269961216\">September 25, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nI&#039;m sorry, I really am, but this is one of my biggest, uh, pet peeves. I will never, ever understand why dog owners feel like it&#039;s OK to let their animals urinate on people&#039;s property. A while back it occurred to me how gross it must be for sanitation workers; indeed, apparently it is. It took me down a rabbit hole of memories about dog waste: I remember friends&#039; backyards where dogs used doggie doors to go outside to relieve themselves. A weekly chore was cleaning up the dog shit; which is to say, that for 6 3\/4 days a week the backyard was full of dog shit. I sometimes get a little squeamish sitting on any grassy area. All of which is to say, <em>What the fuck, man?<\/em><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Took abt 50 Googles to get &#034;Fred Friendly.&#034; Winner: &#034;television executive philosophical issues moderator round discussion question format.&#034;<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/515342211836575746\">September 26, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nGiving Mama unsolicited advice. Amazing how hard it can be to jog your memory and how satisfying it is when you bust through years of Google plaque to figure out whatever it was you couldn&#039;t remember in the first place.<\/p>\n<p><strong>September 26, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Also, ASU&#039;s helmets look like bowling balls from the 1970s.<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/515352769885405184\">September 26, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nIf they hadn&#039;t excised <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Sparky_the_Sun_Devil\">Sparky<\/a>, the <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/search?q=ASU%20bowling%20ball%20helmet&amp;src=typd\">bowling ball helmets<\/a> may have been kind of interesting. If they hadn&#039;t been so shitty against UCLA, they might have been &#034;bold,&#034; or whatever. But both contingencies failed to materialize.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>&#034;Award-winning&#034; is one of the most overused, meaningless compound adjectives in the history of bios.<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/515358137352982528\">September 26, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nJen&#039;s observation. It&#039;s true &#8212; and I&#039;ve absolutely used, or overused, &#034;award-winning&#034; in things. Try to remember, then be willing to forget.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Also, if only I could get UCLA&#039;s defense on my fantasy team . . .<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/515358411564003329\">September 26, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nThey would have scored [tallying . . .]<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Sack: 1 (1 point)<\/li>\n<li>Interception: 2 (4 points)<\/li>\n<li>Fumble Recovery: 2 (4 points)<\/li>\n<li>Touchdown: 1 (6 points)<\/li>\n<li>Kickoff and Punt Return Touchdowns: 1 (6 points)<\/li>\n<li>Points Allowed 21-27 points: 0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>21 points. Christ.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Cousins grooved it to him. MT <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/YetiVedder\">@YetiVedder<\/a>: Kirk Cousins just threw another pick.  It was intercepted by Derek Jeter. cc <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/tigerteam\">@tigerteam<\/a><\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/515368092193792000\">September 26, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nI watched part of the beginning of the game but missed the game-winner.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>It&#039;s OK not to participate in Gilmore Girls revisionism.<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/515370333332070401\">September 26, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nI feel like I&#039;ve seen a lot of articles about this show recently, not all of which nymag.com Twitter spam. I watched this show. I liked this show. I wanted Luke and Lorelai to find love. I wanted Rory to succeed. And yet I think it&#039;s OK to leave it behind, even if it is available on Netflix. Perhaps it&#039;s something rotten I notice in myself, but the full-bore banter Nick-and-Noraism of the scripts is kind of fatiguing after a while.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>And . . . I&#039;m breaking my promise to myself not to stay up past 1.<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/515370680360398848\">September 26, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nWell, so there&#039;s that.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>And . . . given that I&#039;m breaking my promise to myself not to stay up past 1, I&#039;m opening another beer.<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/515370862091182080\">September 26, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nAnd then that happened . . .<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>(Main Page Image) Lincoln Tunnel Approach, New Jersey, September 14, 2014, 7:07 p.m.: <a href=\"http:\/\/t.co\/c2QBtZt9Hj\">http:\/\/t.co\/c2QBtZt9Hj<\/a><\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/515492534953734144\">September 26, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nActual content; what a concept.<\/p>\n<p><strong>September 27, 2014<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" lang=\"en\">\n<p>Smell Mop.<\/p>\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/batclub\/status\/515740131463299073\">September 27, 2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script><br \/>\nGod, it was in <a href=\"http:\/\/www.philadelphiaeagles.com\/videos\/videos\/Inside-The-Eagles-Week-4\/61182611-f658-4105-a9f1-180e67151cbe\">this episode<\/a> of <em>Inside the Eagles<\/em>, which I think they edited out! Anyway, it&#039;s a knock-knock joke, where the knock-knock goes, &#034;Knock Knock? Who&#039;s there? Smell mop. Smell mop . . .&#034; you get the idea . . .<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>September 23, 2014 Things Ken Burns cares about, in order of importance: Baseball, The Civil War, National Parks, Jazz, The Roosevelts. cc: Peter Coyote \u00e2\u20ac\u201d Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) September 23, 2014 And then you&#039;re like, &#034;How many hours long is this thing?&#034; Gary &amp; Ooma make me want to fucking hurt myself. \u00e2\u20ac\u201d [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[944],"tags":[953,961,952,962,960,963,959,958],"class_list":["post-800","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-too-much-information","tag-annotated-twitter","tag-dogs-and-dog-pee","tag-fantasy-island","tag-gnarly-foods","tag-google-plaque","tag-ken-burns","tag-the-bad-old-days-of-good-tv","tag-whither-the-knock-knock-joke"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/800","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=800"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/800\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":804,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/800\/revisions\/804"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=800"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=800"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com\/slightest\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=800"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}