What If The Problem Is Us?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Property owners are finally taking a stand against disgusting dog owners who think it’s perfectly reasonable to allow their animals to defecate where people sit:

As new residents move in to the predominantly commercial area, so too are residents’ dogs, and, in an area unaccustomed to the needs of a 24-7 population, there are very few places where residents can walk — and relieve — their Fidos and Fifis.

The open space most convenient to many of the buildings — including the BellTel Lofts at Bridge and Willoughby streets — is the green commons within the Metrotech campus, between Jay Street and Flatbush Avenue Extension.

But the management company that oversees the complex recently prohibited dogs from the area, roping off the commons and posing bright yellow signs that read, “No dogs on the grass, please.”

. . .

In the early mornings, the ritual of taking one’s dog out for a quick walk is now as much a part of the Metrotech Commons traffic as is corporate workers who are early to work, snagging their hot coffee and darting into office buildings.

Even during a quick walk in the evenings, it is common to see young women walking their small, fluffy lapdogs and larger, beefier men run past with their bulldogs.

Young mothers now bring their children play in the grass, and but carefully steer their dogs away from the same inviting lawns.

Sanitation is the biggest issue, explained Metrotech Business Improvement Director Mike Weiss, who said he is working with residents to find proper accommodations for the growing canine population.

“[We are] certainly willing to have people sit there on a blanket — that’s not prohibited — but it conflicts with the dog thing because if the dog is doing his number on the lawn, it could be unsanitary,” Weiss said. “You can just clean up so much, and you can’t clean up wet stuff.”

Let’s be clear: Letting your dog poop on precious open space is one of the most selfish things you can do.

Let’s be clearer: By letting your dog crap on the one patch of grass in an urban neighborhood, you’re being a gigantic asshat.

Leat’s be even clearer: You, sir, who let your dumb-ass dog shit on grass where people might want to sit, are basically a total asshole.