Jehovah’s Witnesses: Tastefully Dim, Comfortably Dumb(o)

The Brooklyn Paper talks its way into the Watchtower (.pdf):

Jehovah’s Witnesses make up 11 percent of the Brooklyn Heights population; their Watchtower turrets define the borough for people making their first trip over the Brooklyn Bridge; their 33 properties are omnipresent in the Heights and DUMBO.

When they’re not out preaching or “spreading the good news,” as Witnesses call it, they hole up in an enormous Brooklyn complex — vast in size and function.

Think of anything one might need in modern society –lawyers, dentists, engineers, architects, painters, plumbers, electricians, a gym, swimming pool, pharmacy, cafeteria, laundry facility. You name it, they’ve got it.

. . .

Not only does the Watchtower have everything, it’s also great place to acquire new job skills. Hemmelgarn, for example, is learning public relations, and his wife, who had no hair-cutting skills before coming to Brooklyn, now works in the barbershop.

The building at 25 Columbia Heights is the brain — or soul — of the Witnesses’ worldwide operations. It sits like a behemoth across from the Hillside Park dog run. A bridge connects its two sand-colored buildings.

Given that it’s a world unto itself, it’s not surprising that the building feels like another country — the Midwest. People are friendly. They greet each other with a smile and hello. Their gentle voices are marked with inflections from outside the tri-state area.

The carpeted Watchtower lobby, lit with recessed lighting, is tastefully dim. Rob the “official greeter,” stands behind a long counter. Kitschy biblical scenes painted by Witnesses decorate the walls. The place feels like the illegitimate child of a Marriot hotel and a hospital for the ill-at-soul.

(Dana, this is dripping with condescension!)