Paula Zahn vs. Pale Male

New details are emerging in the eviction of Pale Male, the red-tailed hawk whose nest was removed from the facade of 927 Fifth Avenue. The Post doesn’t disappoint with its turns of phrase, headlining the story, “Poultry in Motion.”

Apparently Pale Male is looking for new digs, eyeing in particular the Carlyle Hotel (oh, that it were this easy to move in New York!)

There’s been much interest in the co-op board’s decision to take down the nest. As it involves the wealthy and sometimes famous, there’s a healthy dose of Fuck-the-Rich Schadenfreude, too, which is always fun. And Mary Tyler Moore comes out looking good in the end:

A homeless hawk evicted from his posh nest at a Fifth Avenue co-op was spotted checking out even more expensive real-estate yesterday — as government officials and conservation groups tried to mediate the flap [good one!].

“Pale Male,” who built his nest at 927 Fifth Avenue back in 1993, was unceremoniously dispossessed along with his girlfriend, “Lola,” by the co-op’s board — which is headed by the real estate developer Richard Cohen, the husband of CNN anchor Paula Zahn.

A Zahn rep said she had nothing to do with the decision and “can’t speak for her husband.”

But another celebrity tenant, Mary Tyler Moore, put the blame squarely on Cohen.

Asked who was responsible for the decision, the TV legend and animal lover replied, “As you can judge from any board of directors, there is a chair. It’s not that complicated.”

Although Moore would like a see a compromise allowing the hawks to return, she said she was not going to be the one to approach Cohen.

“Quite frankly, I’m so angry, I would not want to put myself in that situation,” she said.

Other tenants in the exclusive building refused to comment.

“If they talk to the press, the wrath of Mr. Cohen will come down on them,” speculated one building worker. But some deals are under consideration.

They include welcoming the birds back to 927 Fifth and enticing them across the street to Central Park. But Pale Male may have his own ideas.

He was spotted flying above Madison Avenue, checking out the Carlyle Hotel for a new pied a terre to share with Lola.

Moore’s fellow tenants said they objected to the birds because they tried to jam twigs between the bricks, possibly weakening the building’s façade.

And more importantly, the hawks attracted gawkers with binoculars who, they feared, were looking into windows when the hawks’ activities were not exciting enough.

They also complained the hawks killed pigeons, whose bodies littered the sidewalk below.

For the last several days, though, the sidewalk has been taken over by noisy protesters, including Moore.

Several dozen of them gathered yesterday in front of the 12-story turn-of-the-century building, yelling, “Bring back the nest!” and waving signs saying, “Ebeneezer Zahn.”

Moore emerged to cheers of support before disappearing into her limo. She later came back to join the demonstration.

“Those lousy people should all drop dead except Mary Tyler Moore,” said Jennifer Anderson, who lives nearby.

“Now that winter’s coming, they take down the nest. I think these people are very much interested in themselves and don’t care about anyone or anything,” she said.

U.S. Fish and Wildlife officials are trying to work out a solution.

They are speaking to the board’s representatives about building the birds their own “co-op” to keep them off the ledge they used.

They suggest putting up a special platform that the birds could build their nest on without damaging the bricks.

Cohen referred inquiries to the co-op’s lawyer, Aaron Shmulewitz, who insisted the board is now open to discussion.

“If one of these proposals is raised to the board, the board will consider it in due course and in good faith,” he said.

Parks Commissioner Adrian Benepe has another idea — he’s exploring the possibility of building a nesting spot in Central Park.

That “may be a good idea,” said John Bianchi of the National Audubon Society.

“We don’t know if it will work or not. But this bird will pick where it’s going to nest,” Bianchi said. “It doesn’t matter if you necessarily create some attractive options.”

But the best solution, said E.J. McAdams of New York City Audubon, would be to allow the birds to return to their own home on the ledge.

Bonus Points: Gawker on which heartless souls (except for Mary Tyler Moore!) live at 927 Fifth Avenue; Curbed on the same.

And furthermore…

I thought I’d add to Scott’s subway rant. I also hate:

• People who refuse to keep to the right on the stairs. Is it that hard to remember, really? Is it?
• People who block the walking lane on the escalator. Working at Times Square, I think I curse a gaggle of Midwesterners under my breath daily.
• Men who take up two seats by spreading their legs. Somebody didn’t manage to learn anything to charm school, alas.
• Men who think I don’t notice them groping me. (Surprise, asshole, I’m about the step on your foot…HARD!)

Subway Etiquette

As noted below, the MTA is revising its rules of conduct. The zombie-esque photography ban is perhaps the most controversial, but there are other proposed rule changes — not putting one’s feet on the seats, for example.

A Quirky Op-Ed in the Times today (in the quirky corner of the op-ed page, i.e., the lefthand page down at the bottom) tackles the issue of legislating subway etiquette:

The transportation authorities should ask rush-hour passengers what other rules they should impose.

Almost certain to top the list would be a “three swipes and you’re out” edict, sending would-be riders to the back of the line at crowded turnstiles when they cannot make their MetroCards work. Pole leaners, who deprive others from holding on when the train is hurtling and snaking along at breakneck speed, would be forced off the train, or forced to ride in the middle of the car without anything or anyone to grip for balance. Loud talkers would be seated next to anyone who is snoring.

All of the people on the train would have to cover their mouths when they coughed and noses when they sneezed or be herded into a car with other germ-delivering riders. Dogs would be allowed to ride subway trains, but not peddlers of candy bars or jewelry. And anyone who gave up a seat to someone in need would get a free ride (this could be declined by those few believing that kindness is its own reward).

I’m adamantly opposed to allowing dogs on the subway (yuck!), but as I read the piece this morning on the subway, I could think of several other fine additions:

• Blocking the Doors Like a Big Dick is Prohibited. Example: The stop at Lexington opens on this side, so I will stand my ground at all costs so as to be the first to exit the train, those trying to get on around me be damned.
• Step Aside and Let the Passengers off First! This particular annoyance is best expressed through the conductor’s admonition during rush hour: “Step Aside! Step Aside!” On certain passive-aggressive days (or aggressive-aggressive days), I find myself waiting until oncoming passengers get out of my way before exiting, creating a time-wasting faceoff during rush hour.
• Step All the Way into the Car Please! See above. I wonder if those who do not Move All the Way Into the Car, Please! do it out of spite for those who have a shorter commute. The stripper-like pole leaner described in the Times piece tends to exacerbate this condition.
• Vigilante Justice Perpetrated Against Bootleg DVD Vendors. Having been convinced that the proceeds of bootleg DVDs fund international terrorism, I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve developed a bad habit of simply stepping on them when they’re in the way.

There are always other subway annoyances . . . this list is sure to grow.

Morale Booster

If you’ve ever wondered who these people were who stroll around Central Park in the middle of the day or spend their afternoons shopping on Madison Avenue — if you’ve ever wondered who exactly it is who affords to live like they live in Manhattan — rest assured, they’re probably doing something illegal:

A Manhattan madam with a Mercedes and a posh Trump Palace pad has been busted for running a multimillion-dollar, high-priced call-girl ring with her hooker-booker sister, cops said yesterday.

Jenny Paulino, 46, was nabbed at older sister Elise’s home at 163 W. 80th St. on Friday evening after rushing back from the West Coast when she learned their ring had been busted in a sting, sources said.

The madam was charged with promoting prostitution and money laundering as the ringleader of American Beauties Escort Service — a pricey prostitution purveyor that catered to rich businessmen and out-of-towners willing to plunk down at least $1,000 an hour for steamy sex, cops said.

The sex business — which ran ads in publications like New York magazine — banked on Brazilian beauties and exotic Eastern European model-types to woo its well-heeled clients, authorities said.

The gig brought in an estimated $10 million a year, one source said.

The ring was betrayed by a regular john who agreed to cooperate with NYPD investigators after being squeezed on drug charges, a source said.

One of Jenny Paulino’s neighbors said the accused madam always told friends she was “in the insurance industry.”

“I’m in shock,” said Mary Dona, 24, adding that Jenny always dressed down and usually went out only to go to the gym or walk her two small, white dogs. “I didn’t know she was that type of person at all.”

In an odd twist, the 50-year-old Elise — who was charged with promoting prostitution — had once been at the center of a sensational murder case in Long Island. She had been used for an alibi by her then-boyfriend, Harvey Brown, who had been eyed in his parents’ 1997 deaths.

One of Elise’s neighbors last night said the woman and her tiny gray dog were beloved fixtures of the neighborhood.

“She’s the sweetest woman,” Jill Gilmartin said.

Elise was nabbed Thursday at American Beauties’ office on the third floor of 242 E. 60th St. — a floor above the reputed brothel.

Also arrested there for promoting prostitution were Donna Cohen, 49, of Bloomfield, N.J., and Monika Hajkoba, a 27-year-old Czech national, police said.

Busted at the cozy brothel were 34-year-old hooker Hatvig “Heidi” Kaeser and leggy 26-year-old blonde Martina Gavrieli, cops said.

The two-bedroom establishment was cluttered yesterday with cans of Diet Coke and Budweiser and bottles of Poland Spring water. A black Bible lay on top of the fridge, while a large sex toy had been tossed in the trash nearby.

Each bedroom boasted a fireplace and stash of condoms. On one bed was a tape of Victoria’s Secret’s London Symphony Orchestra rendition of “Pleasures and Passions.” A closet was stuffed with Britannica Classic books still in plastic.

One female neighbor shrugged off news of the brothel. “They were very discreet,” she said. “I never saw any men, just pretty, young women.”

The bust netted a total of more than $31,000 from the brothel, business and the Paulinos’ homes.

Jenny, who lives in a Trump Palace apartment at 205 E. 68th St., also has a home in Miami Beach.

I get the other stuff, but what’s with the bible? And the encyclopedias, for that matter?

Martini On The Rock

I vowed not to make a note of any more of these exercises-in-opulence stories after Jen convinced me that they were all just big publicity stunts (I know — duh, but there’s still something wicked about them), but in the interest of updates, the Daily News has a story about a man who got a Martini on the Rock for his new fiancee.