Public Service

The Post performs a sort of public service today by making us feel less guilty for not giving panhandlers money. Specifically, introducing (or reintroducing, just in case we forgot) the concept of the Bogus Beggar:

Paula Headley dressed for her job in Midtown — wearing a filthy blanket and a pathetic look on her tear-streaked face.

Then she headed home at the end of a busy day — clad in a casual-chic jogging outfit and a warm hat.

Meet the Fifth Avenue faker — a fixture for four years on the famous thoroughfare, where she begs change from high-fashion shoppers.

Last Saturday, camped out in front of the Louis Vuitton store, it took her only 20 minutes to collect $18 in bills, several dollars more in coins and one cup of cocoa from a middle-aged man who also gave her a gentle warning, “Careful, it’s hot.”

When work was over for the day, Headley hobbled slowly across Fifth Avenue, doubled over as if in pain.

She walked into a telephone kiosk — and, like Superman, emerged transformed.

Wearing her jogging clothing, she stood straight up, took a sip of the cocoa and strode off.

The Post exclusive delves into the ins and outs of the lucrative panhandling business and the art of begging, including, if I’m not mistaken, what appears to be method acting:

Headley, 36, claims the blanket, the tears, the bent-over shuffle are no Christmas con.

The blanket?

“That’s what I use to wrap myself to go to sleep anyway,” she explained.

And the slow, shuffling walk?

That, she said, was because she didn’t “want to step on [her blanket] or trip.”

But what about those tears?

“If you hold your eyes open long enough, they come down your face,” she said. “Or you sit back, you reminisce on the past and it makes you sad.”

But she admits the blanket does help her cash flow.

“It takes a long time to get $10” when she’s wearing her store-bought clothes, she said.

“When I go out with my blanket, the money comes fast.”

Although a case can be made that anyone who goes to such lengths deserves every penny he or she gets, in Ms. Headley’s case this may amount to six figures:

Harry Yancey, a security guard at Van Cleef & Arpels, said that before Headley upgraded to a blanket, she’d lie on the street wrapped only in black garbage bags.

“I think she’s a con artist,” he said. “I pity con artists. To go through that routine is hard. She deserves whatever she earns.”

Another area worker was less sympathetic.

“She gets paid more than I do,” he said. He estimated that “on a good day, [she makes] $200 at least.”

Headley insists she deserves all the sympathy she gets.

She said she wound up on the streets when she lost both her parents at age 24.

“I basically just gave up,” she said. “I stopped going to church.”

She used to sleep in the station at 57th Street and Sixth Avenue, but when she hit the jackpot with her penniless pageant she gave up sleeping on a bench for nicer digs — an apartment on 123rd Street where she stays with a friend.

Not counting handfuls of coins or the price of a cocoa, the $18 she earned last Saturday would average to a comfortable tax-free $103,680 a year — if she could lie on her corner 40 hours a week. City panhandling laws make that impractical, but Midtown observers say she moves from corner to corner to escape notice.

“Sometimes worried people call EMS for her,” Yancey said. “When they come, she gets up and says, ‘I’m all right.'”

Like I said, the Post’s idea of public service . . . Merry Christmas!

Pay-dro

“Pay-dro” was the headline in the Post yesterday after the Mets signed ex-Red Sox ace Pedro Martinez. And were it not for this charming article, the news of Randy Johnson’s apparently imminent trade to the Yankees surely would have overshadowed the Mets’ big week.

In the Sports Illustrated/CNN piece, Pedro wastes no time slamming Red Sox management. I’m sure the Mets are psyched to have this come out. (What’s the truism about running off with someone who was cheating on his or her partner in order to be with you — don’t be surprised when he or she then cheats on you? Can we predict that Pay-dro will be a pain in the ass?)

The best Pay-dro moment comes when he urges the Mets to sign free agent Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek, effectively dissing Mike Piazza in the process:

Asked what other free agents he thought Boston would sign, Martinez said “they’ll be stupid not to do Varitek. Varitek is the next one gone. [General Manager Theo Epstein] is going to have the biggest problem with him.”

Epstein has said signing Varitek is one of his offseason priorities. The catcher is reportedly seeking a five-year contract worth more than $50 million, with a no-trade clause.

“I hope he is gone,” Martinez said of Varitek. “I hope ‘Tek is on my team.”

Asked whether that meant he wanted to get rid of current Mets catcher Mike Piazza, Martinez said, “I do want Piazza, too. Piazza is a good hitter. We can move him to first or somewhere. … I want ‘Tek. ‘Tek is a good player, a good catcher.”

Nice move, Pay-dro!

How Did That Work Out for You?

Although I obviously don’t have the polling data to support this, I think it’s safe to say that Bernard Kerik’s Place in History was pretty solid before he accepted the nomination for Department of Homeland Security Secretary. Now that he has withdrawn his name from consideration however, things don’t look so good. A Lesson in Hubris:

The city Department of Investigation has launched a probe into ethical breaches committed by Bernard Kerik, the city’s former top cop.

The inquiry – one of two confronting Kerik – will explore numerous ethical lapses revealed in the Daily News this week after Kerik’s nomination to become the nation’s homeland security czar collapsed.

In a series of investigative stories, The News disclosed that Kerik broke rules on accepting gifts, developed close ties with an allegedly mob-linked city contractor and maintained a secret downtown apartment for simultaneous extramarital liaisons with two women.

By “simultaneous extramarital liaisons with two women,” I think they mean to say that he had concurrent affairs with two women, rather than the other kind of “simultaneous affair” (go Bernie!).

Mickey Kaus wrote about the Nanny Excuse on Saturday (“Every public figure should keep at least one illegal housekeeper around, just in case!”), and the Daily News piles on regarding this mysterious portion of the story:

Meanwhile, Kerik’s attorney released a few new details about the nanny Kerik has insisted was at the center of his withdrawn nomination.

The lawyer, Joseph Tacopina, said the nanny worked for Kerik for about 18 months before leaving in early November.

Kerik only obtained the required New Jersey forms to register as the nanny’s employer on Nov. 17, Tacopina said.

But Tacopina refused to disclose the nanny’s name or nationality. He dismissed suggestions that the nanny was just a cover for more embarrassing problems that Kerik feared would come up during the confirmation process.

“There’s a nanny,” said Tacopina. “I swear there’s a nanny.”

I swear there’s a nanny! All of which is to say: How did that work out for you?

Westchester Worst Nightmare

Another glimpse into the psyche of the metropolitan-area upper-middle class — the nanny leaves behind the baby to go shopping with your Mercedes:

A Westchester nanny made two big mistakes when she decided to do a little Christmas shopping on her bosses’ time.

Victoria Braithwaite took the Scarsdale couple’s Mercedes-Benz for the ride – and left their 16-month-old daughter home alone for more than an hour, authorities said yesterday.

By the time Braithwaite, 27, rolled back into the driveway, the baby’s mom, who unexpectedly stopped by the house, was waiting for her – along with the cops.

“It’s more than a little disappointing,” Cordes George, 43, father of little Ashley, said yesterday. “We’re pretty upset.”

. . .

“I know it was totally wrong,” the distraught nanny told the Daily News last night. “I can’t explain why I did this. It’s like a nightmare ever since. I’m a good person. I’ve never even been to a police station before.”

Braithwaite, a Hungarian immigrant who had worked for the family for three months, said she put Ashley down for a nap before driving off.

“I was 100% sure she was sleeping, and she usually sleeps for an hour. I thought I would go 10 minutes away to the Cross-County Mall,” Braithwaite said. “It was an error in judgment. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

And to make matters worse, the nanny then must endure the wrath of Westchester County District Attorney Jeanine Pirro:

“You’d have to be a halfwit to think that leaving a 16-month-old baby alone is okay,” Pirro said. “I’m sure an angel was protecting this baby.”

Grandstanding, or The Bird Stays

Just to update loyal readers about the fate of Pale Male, the red-tailed hawk recently evicted from its perch on the facade of 927 Fifth Avenue, a deal has been brokered and the bird will be staying. And Mary Tyler Moore comes out looking good:

A week after it removed a red-tailed hawk’s nest from its facade and was met by a storm of protest, a Fifth Avenue co-op building agreed yesterday to requests by the Audubon Society to help the hawks rebuild.

But the agreement came on a day of heightened tension outside 927 Fifth Avenue, the sumptuous co-op where the hawks have roosted on a perch overlooking Central Park for 11 years. The co-op is also home to some of the biggest names in New York society.

This surprising turn of events comes as a Pale Male supporter was arrested for harassing Paula Zahn, whose husband, in his capacity as president of the co-op, was blamed for Pale Male’s eviction:

With negotiations taking place inside, those protesting the removal of the nest continued their vigil across Fifth Avenue in Central Park. One of them, Lincoln Karim, an engineer, was arrested on charges of aggravated harassment, stalking and endangering the welfare of a child.

Mr. Karim, who was being held last night at the 19th Precinct station house, was accused of approaching the television newscaster Paula Zahn and her family, who live in the building, on several occasions, the police said. At one point he told Ms. Zahn’s 7-year-old son, “Your parents are going to pay for this,” according to law enforcement officials with knowledge of the case. Officials said that encounter occurred on Monday outside the building as the boy and his nanny were walking his dog.

Which is where Mary Tyler Moore comes in:

The arrest of Mr. Karim prompted a swift response by another of the co-op’s many celebrity residents, Mary Tyler Moore, who has publicly allied herself with the protesters. Soon after Mr. Karim was approached by four detectives and driven away, Ms. Moore and her husband, the Manhattan cardiologist Robert Levine, hailed a cab and drove to the 19th Precinct station house to assist Mr. Karim, although they were not aware of the charges against him, according to Marie Winn, a Manhattan writer, bird watcher and friend of Ms. Moore’s who joined in the cab ride. . . .

“Mary Tyler Moore was magnificent,” Ms. Winn said. When she was unable to speak with Mr. Karim and determine the charges against him, Ms. Moore returned to speak to a group of about 40 protesters who remained opposite 927 Fifth Avenue.

She was greeted by loud applause, and thanked her fellow demonstrators. “That applause is the best applause I have received in my life,” Ms. Moore said, according to two people who were present.

I can’t be the first one to wonder whether a Law & Order is coming on . . .

Bonus Point: Pale Male: Bring Back the Nest!