“Nobody Knows What Modest Mouse’s Bassist Looks Like”

The Daily News’ primer on party crashing is out — an example of lemonade?

Helpful terms describing the four types of gatecrashers:

• Slip-Ins: “They just wait at a door until someone well known appears – say DeNiro and Streisand at the “Meet the Fockers” premiere. When the cameras flash and organizers are distracted, they dodge in behind Bob ‘n’ Babs.”
• Fakers: “Rather than claiming to be Kidman or Cruise, they’re always B-listers like ‘Charlie’s Angels’ weirdo Crispin Glover or fashion icon Hamish Bowles.”
• Don’t You Knows: “Less artful,” Don’t You Knows’ “every loud sentence begins with that phrase. Always hysterical, they’ll erupt when questioned at the door as if their very honor has been insulted.”
• P.I.s (Presumed Inviteds): The rarest, “these socialites and high rollers simply presume an invitation was lost in the mail – rather than that they weren’t wanted.”

Do’s and Don’ts include:

Don’t dress to impress. It just looks like you’re trying too hard. Instead, stick with a black dress and one killer accessory, like this season’s hot bag or a great big ring. “Keep your makeup minimal – most of the fashion crowd wear very little makeup and look slightly windblown – and act bored on the outside, internally amused,” says Cutrone.

Don’t turn up in a limo. These days, real VIPs roll up in Humvees or Range Rovers.

. . .

Don’t claim to be Chris Martin. Better to say you’re a different member of Coldplay. “The really good way of doing this is saying you’re a guitarist, not the lead singer, in a hot band,” says event planner Nancy Kane. “Nobody knows what Modest Mouse’s bassist looks like.”

Do double-fist those drinks. Crashers are always by the bar. “They’re not very clever – usually you’ll see them all clustered together there,” says P.R. exec James LaForce.