God Help Me If The Post Ever Notices My Hair

Renowned dirty fucker Peter Braunstein gets a Gawker-ready hairstyle piece in today’s Post:

Accused fire fiend Peter Braunstein may have stabilized since getting locked up in Bellevue Hospital, but his hairstyles have been all over the map.

Braunstein showed up for a routine Manhattan Supreme Court appearance yesterday sporting a shaggy new beard. It’s the fourth makeover in as many court appearances.

Since his arrest in December on charges he masqueraded as a fireman so he could kidnap and sexually torment a female co-worker, the former Women’s Wear Daily fashion writer has gone from curly haired to buzz cut.

Braunstein, 41, has told cops he slavishly follows his own press coverage — and is so image conscious he once complained that his wanted poster made him look “like a crazed Mexican.” But his lawyer, Robert Gottlieb, joked yesterday that no significance should be attached to this latest “look.”

“I don’t think they give you razor blades over at Bellevue,” Gottlieb quipped.

Insert Cheap Shot “Ba-Dum-Bum” Here

The Post’s two favorite targets get the borscht-belt treatment in one fine piece:

Tired of endless bungling, bickering and bad ideas, a group of diplomats from the United Nations went on a fact-finding mission this week to learn how a successful New York institution works. Unfortunately, they wound up at a Knick game.

Looking like fish out of international waters among the long-suffering Knick fans, the group, led by U.S. Ambassador John Bolton, donned red NBA caps as they watched from a luxury box at Madison Square Garden Wednesday. Also wearing the goofy headgear were the wife of China’s U.N. ambassador and Russia’s envoy. The diplomats were treated to a true Knick experience — the team lost to the Miami Heat, 103-83.

Hatred Of Hydrangeas Leads Man To Maim

An arborcidal maniac terrorizing Union Square Park finally is brought to justice:

An East Village vandal was nabbed red-handed yesterday after rampaging through the roses — and the redwoods and the magnolias — and running up $24,000 worth of damage in Union Square Park, authorities said.

Parks Department officials said David Sasson, 34, of East 14th Street, spent the past three weeks committing horticultural homicide before he was arrested in the park at 1:30 a.m.

Officials said Sasson thrashed 23 hydrangea bushes, 12 red-stemmed dogwoods, 10 holly bushes, seven roses of Sharon, three butterfly bushes, a Chinese dogwood, a magnolia tree and 20 ornamental trees during his three weeks of arboreal abuse.

They had no explanation of why Sasson went on his strange rampage.

Sasson was captured after two officers from the Parks Enforcement Patrol staked out the park and lay in wait for several nights.

“He was in the process of ripping branches off trees,” said Parks Department spokesman Warner Johnston, who added that the arrest went down “very smoothly.”

Sasson used no ax, choosing to take matters into his own hands.

“He was doing this with his bare hands,” said Johnston. “He reached up into the tree branches and pulled off the limbs.”

Sasson faces second-degree criminal mischief charges and something called “destruction or abuse of trees,” said district attorney spokeswoman Barbara Thompson. He could get up to seven years for the bush whacking.

See also: Arborcide — Don’t Do It.

When Facing Left, It Is The Omote Manji, Representing Love And Mercy

Idiots! Backwards-writing swastika-painting idiots:

If you’re gonna hate, at least get it right.

A vandal described by cops as “some knucklehead” put Nazi swastikas on a Bronx Jewish center early yesterday — spray-painting them backward.

But the vandalism was enough to bring out a delegation of religious leaders and local elected officials to denounce the act and speak against religious intolerance.

Police were investigating the incident at the Pelham Parkway Jewish Center, where the vandal, described a teenager by an eyewitness who saw the crime from an apartment window, spray-painted three large swastikas — backward — on the side wall of the center, at 900 Pelham Parkway South and Muliner Ave.

The Police Department bias unit has been called into the case, police said.

“These knuckleheads don’t even know how to do it right, much less understand what something like this stands for,” said a police source.

It was the second time in a year that the center has been vandalized with swastikas.

(Title swiped from here.)

Yes, That Labor Dispute Thing

If you care what’s happening with the MTA-TWU talks, click here, because I couldn’t be bothered.