Why There Oughta Be A City Council Resolution!

New York City Councilman Eric Gioia attends to the most important issues facing his district:

Banning pointed metal scissors and small tools from airplanes to make airline travel safer and to send a clear signal to terrorists has been proposed recently by Congressmember Joseph Crowley and City Councilmember Eric Gioia.

The lawmakers said that the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) reimposing the ban on these small tools would send a clear signal to terrorists that the United States would remain vigilant in securing the safety of its citizens and the country.

Both also said they support pending legislation to reimpose the ban on those articles and others.

The TSA officially lifted the ban last December and immediately ran into strong opposition from Crowley and other public officials. Crowley (D–Queens/The Bronx) introduced the Leave All Blades Behind Act [Damn you, Bush for beginning this “Leave . . . Behind” convention!], which seeks to reinstate the ban on all scissors and tools that can be used to threaten the lives of airline passengers and flight personnel.

United States Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D–New York) introduced a similar measure calling for freezing the list of previously prohibited items.

Gioia (D–Long Island City) announced he would introduce a resolution in the City Council denouncing the TSA’s decision and supporting the bills introduced by Clinton and Crowley.

Scrabble Must Be Stopped Before It’s Too Late!

The Queens Gazette’s Austin H. Armistead doesn’t mind a little hyperbole every once in a while:

Scrabble, a board game that combines the best features of crossword puzzles and anagrams, was invented by Alfred M. Butts, a Jackson Heights resident. The game was first played at then Community Methodist Church at 35th Avenue and 81st Street and went on to conquer the world. [Emph. added because who can argue with that?]

See also: San Jose Scrabble(r) Club Two-Letter Words List.

How About Instead We Try Something Along The Lines Of “No Mellifluously Cute Foreign Accent Left Behind”?

Don’t get me wrong — I like your humorous, self-deprecating style, but if you’re going to convert those anti-amnesty types, you might want to rework that slogan a little:

Rallying under the slogan “No Paddy Left Behind,” about 900 Irish and Irish-Americans packed a town hall meeting in Woodside on immigration reform Friday evening.

Speakers urged the audience, many of whom are undocumented immigrants, to call their elected officials in support of the Kennedy-McCain immigration reform bill. Currently before the Senate, the measure would allow undocumented immigrants to remain in the United States and earn a chance to apply for permanent residency.

. . .

The Kennedy-McCain bill, known as the Secure America and Orderly Immigration Act, was introduced before the Senate last year by Senators Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.) and John McCain (R-Ariz.).

The measure would permit undocumented or “illegal” immigrants currently living in America to obtain work visas for up to six years. They could apply for permanent residency after paying fines, passing a background check and completing a period under a temporary visa. The bill would also create a new path to legal immigration through a temporary worker program.

Undocumented Irish immigrants present at the meeting said current laws prevent them from returning home to visit family. They pay taxes, but cannot apply for health insurance or open bank accounts, much less obtain a driver’s license.

Yes, Your Work-Issued Laptop Is Probably The Kind Of Thing You Should Remove From Your Vehicle At Night

An interesting 24 plot twist reveals itself on Staten Island:

A crook broke into a Department of Environmental Protection employee’s vehicle on Staten Island and swiped a laptop computer with a disk containing information about the city’s water-distribution system, police said yesterday.

Not to worry, though — there’s nothing sensitive on the computer, because if there were, there wouldn’t be an article in the Post about . . . never mind, don’t go there:

Sources said the information was not classified or confidential and the car apparently was not singled out, since other vehicles on the block, Devens Street in Westerleigh, were also burglarized.

Insert The Distinctive Law & Order “Donk Donk” Here

If you have people in from out of town, feel free to send them down to the federal courthouse:

Miami real-estate agent Claude Attia wanted to do something meaningful during his few days in New York.

So he wandered into the Manhattan federal courthouse — and smack into John “Junior” Gotti’s sensational trial on its most explosive day of testimony.

“I told them downstairs I wanted to see something interesting. They sent me up here,” the 45-year-old Frenchman said.

His jaw dropped when he saw platinum-blond Victoria Gotti, who showed up for court wearing a waist-length sable fur coat, skintight blue jeans and her signature oversized Louis Vuitton bag. She hunched silently in the second row with her fire-engine-red-haired sister, Angel, and family matriarch Victoria Sr.

“These people want to be like Al Capone!” he said, shocked.

Attia wasn’t the only wayward tourist who made his way into the gallery — and he certainly wasn’t the only one stunned by the display.

“It’s like watching ‘The Godfather’ all over again,” said star-struck Ian McNeilly, 54, a lawyer visiting from Sydney, Australia. “In Australia, we have more white-collar crime than hit men.”

And the show is not just for tourists:

Manny Diaz, a court-case buff, traveled all the way from The Bronx to catch a glimpse of the action.

“I’ve always admired John Sr.,” said the 47-year-old recovering drug addict, who attends trials to keep himself clean. “I’ve always liked the Gottis, too. But I don’t like Victoria’s show. I think it’s propaganda.”