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If You’re Going To Kill Over Sporting Events, At Least Make It Short Track Skating Or Perhaps Even The 4X10 Kilometer Cross-Country Relay

The worst thing about this story is that no one — including the players! — actually gives a shit about the all-star game:

A Brooklyn teen stabbed his best friend to death — telling cops a “stupid argument” about the NBA All-Star Game triggered the bloody violence, authorities said yesterday.

Naquan Butts, 19, and Michael Bethune, 18, were watching the game with a couple of friends in Butts’ Crown Heights apartment Sunday night, when Butts and Bethune began arguing.

It started with each choosing a different team and claiming it was going to win, Butts told police.

Then, he said, the trash talk turned physical and they found themselves tussling right out the apartment door and into the 10th-floor hallway at about 11:45 p.m.

Butts drew a knife and stabbed his pal once in the chest, police said.

The mortally wounded Bethune stumbled into the elevator, but went nowhere before collapsing inside.

He was pronounced dead at Interfaith Hospital at 12:50 a.m. yesterday.

Posted: February 21st, 2006 | Filed under: Brooklyn, Just Horrible

Because DUIs Are The Real Terrorists, Or From The Global War On Terrorism To The Global War On Drunk Driving

Stopping suspicious cars and trucks at the city’s river crossings has become a massive 24-hour-a-day sobriety checkpoint, resulting in so many arrests that the police are creating “arrest-processing centers” at bridges and tunnels:

The number of arrests at the city’s bridges and tunnels has skyrocketed 700 percent since 9/11, when cops stepped up their campaign of stopping suspicious cars and trucks in an effort to thwart another terrorist attack, officials said.

The unprecedented jump in collars at nine key spans in the Big Apple, including the Queens-Midtown Tunnel and the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel, has prompted MTA Bridge and Tunnels to build two “arrest-processing centers” — equipped with high-tech computers capable of scanning fingerprints and running criminal background checks.

. . .

Greg Lombardi, vice president of the Bridge and Tunnel Benevolent Association, said it will also help them “effectively track arrests, crime patterns and criminals.” Statistics show that in 2000, 202 arrests — including 165 for drunken driving — were made at the nine crossings with another 278 arrests made in 2001.

Since then, arrest figures have jumped dramatically, starting in 2002 when 434 motorists were arrested and rising to a high in 2005 of 1,803 collars — 784 of them for driving while intoxicated.

“Since 9/11, mobile and foot patrols on the plazas and facilities have increased and we execute a greater number of random checkpoints and stops,” Lombardi said.

In addition to catching drunken drivers, the second greatest number of arrests involves charges of driving without a license or with suspended licenses, according to Martha Walther, acting president of MTA Bridges and Tunnels.

Posted: February 21st, 2006 | Filed under: Law & Order

He Kicked Them In The Pickles — Get It? “Pickles” . . .

What kind of idiot tries to rob a pickle store? The Post piles on:

A pair of ski-masked Peter Pipers picked on the wrong Lower East Side pickler yesterday, landing one of them a whole peck of trouble.

The bumbling thugs entered The Pickle Guys shop on Essex Street at around 8:30 a.m. as owner Alan Kaufman was preparing to open for business. One pointed a gun at the veteran cucumber curer, but the less-than-dynamic duo got more than they bargained for when he fought back — kicking the gunman right in the “pickles.”

. . .

Kaufman said he was sweeping the floor when the two men, wearing ski masks and latex gloves, lifted the metal grate and walked in.

“What are you doin’?” Kaufman asked — but the crooks shut him up with an angry “never mind!”

Hip to the fact he was about to be robbed, the Pickle Guy started jabbing at the would-be bandits with his broom.

One of the robbers pulled a gun — but rather than recoil, the brave Pickle Guy dove at him.

“I grabbed his hand, trying to get [the gun] away from him,” Kaufman said, adding that the scuffle caused the two attackers to fall.

That’s when, Kaufman said, he executed his prized move — “I kicked him in the pickles,” he said, referring to the gunman’s testicles.

Posted: February 21st, 2006 | Filed under: Tragicomic, Ironic, Obnoxious Or Absurd

The Fashion World Yawns, “Who Is The Dude In The Turban And Why Should I Care?”

The Mohammed cartoons have finally jumped the shark:

Flaunting an “I Love N.Y.” jumpsuit at the Puck Building Friday night, designer Apollo Braun mixed erotic fashion and politics in his most recent runway show. As male and female models strutted down the catwalk bedecked in colorful styles and sporting eccentric touches like parrot hair clips, some models held the provocative Danish cartoons depicting the Islamic prophet Mohammed above their heads.

There was a minimal reaction to the images by audience members; some seemed surprised and raised eyebrows, but others just watched. With camerapersons from various publications at the foot of the catwalk, many onlookers seemed more overwhelmed by the blatant sexuality displayed by the models and Braun, who sang about sex while the runway models bared their breasts and swayed their hips without restraint.

. . .

Throughout the night, three models were chosen to hold the cartoons. Two of them toted the same image and the other displayed a drawing of Mohammed with horns growing out of his turban. When all the models lined up for the finale most of them were encouraged to smile and appear to be having fun. Everyone swept across the stage smiling, except a woman holding a cartoon above her head. She was reportedly told by an organizer not to remain stern. Braun announced that his next T-shirt will say, “The president of Iran is an impotent.”

Posted: February 20th, 2006 | Filed under: Sliding Into The Abyss Of Elitism & Pretentiousness

Sure We Stab Kids From Time To Time — We’re Just A Little More Humble About It

It wasn’t particularly bright of him to yell, “Yo, I just stabbed some kid” but he did it anyway:

After allegedly stabbing 14-year-old Richard Orloski in a wild brawl among youths, an apparently drunk Carlos Novoa — accompanied by three cohorts, including Borough President James Molinaro’s grandson — went to a Stapleton eatery and bragged about the attack, a source close to the investigation told the Advance yesterday.

“You don’t know what just happened. Yo, I just stabbed some kid,” Novoa, 19, of South Beach, is said to have blurted out after entering the unidentified restaurant according to the source, who would only speak with the Advance on the condition of anonymity.

Orloski was stabbed five times — once in the head and four times in the chest — during a Feb. 4 melee at a Dongan Hills playground next to PS 52.

Novoa, along with William Guash, 16, and Charles A. Sarnelli, 18, all of South Beach, and Steven Molinaro, 17, of Fort Wadsworth, the borough president’s grandson, have each been charged with attempted murder, assault and weapons possession. Each is free on $20,000 bail.

Posted: February 20th, 2006 | Filed under: Jerk Move, Staten Island
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