I Came, I Saw, I Got My Bike Back

A crime victim’s fantasy scenario:

A man who had his bike stolen six weeks ago thought he was seeing things when he spotted it yesterday attached to a pole around the corner from his Upper West Side apartment.

But there it was, chained up at the corner of West 98th Street and Broadway, said 26-year-old financial worker Michael Davis.

“Lo and behold, there’s my bike chained to a pole. It still had all the reflective stickers I had put on it,” he said.

“I never thought I’d see it ever again. The only difference is that someone added one of those milk cartons to make it into a delivery bike.”

Davis lost the bike six weeks earlier when he went to visit his in-laws and decided not to drive.

Davis, an observant Jew, said he chained the bike in front of their home at West End Avenue near 90th Street, but when he left it was gone. He reported it stolen, but was told it was unlikely it would ever be found.

“Fast forward six weeks, and right before the Sabbath I had to run down to the corner store to buy some groceries, and there it was,” he said.

He flagged down a passing cop car and the officers said they should wait for the deliveryman to return. When he didn’t, they figured he had bolted and cut Davis’ bike loose and returned it to him.

Vermin Licking Good

And I have no doubt that the person quoted here actually was sick after saying this:

Inspectors raced to the [KFC/Taco Bell] franchise at Sixth Avenue and West Fourth Street after a Post lensman shot these photos of scores of scabby rodents brazenly parading across the floors and tables of the fast-food joint early yesterday morning. Rat droppings could be seen littering the floor.

What the inspectors found was a “vermin infestation” that one health official called “egregious.”

The city Heath Department immediately padlocked the restaurant.

Earl Heffintrayer, a 29-year-old student at New York University, was particularly horrified to hear the news.

“That’s so disgusting. I just ate there last night. I think I am going to be sick. I’ll never come back here again,” he said, looking a bit green.

Officials at ADF Operating Corp., of Fairfield, N.J., which owns the franchise, said the infestation had resulted from a construction project in the building’s basement.

“It seems that due to this construction, an open space was left in the foundation that allowed the rats inside,” said the company’s chief operating officer, Harry Harnett. “It is our goal to complete the construction as soon as possible and clean and sanitize the restaurant and only with the OK of the Health Department will we reopen.”

But then who exactly will eat there?

And that Health Department OK may be easier than you think:

A city health inspector gave a passing grade to the notoriously filthy, vermin-infested KFC/Taco Bell just one day before shuttering it — after news cameras recorded a rat rampage through the Greenwich Village restaurant.

“We’re looking to see if the inspector dropped the ball on this,” said Health Department spokesman Geoffrey Cowley. “I think it may not have been as rigorous an inspection as it should have been.”

After receiving three rodent-related complaints about the establishment to 311 in the past few weeks, the inspector visited Thursday and uncovered some violations, said Cowley — but allegedly not enough for a failing grade.

The next morning, after horrified onlookers observed dozens of rats brazenly scurrying around the floors, tables and trash bins, and word spread to the media, inspectors raced back to the scene.

This time, they found a whopping 92 points worth of health-code violations — far surpassing a failing grade of 28.

You Win Some, You Lose Some

In yet another case of “Alanis Morissette Irony Or Real Irony?”* a man’s death helps save a life:

On Monday night, an unidentified man jumped in front of a freight train at 88th Avenue and 76th Street just off of Cooper Avenue. He was pronounced dead at the scene. The apparent suicide attempt, however, may have actually prevented another tragedy waiting to happen. A little further up the line, a woman drove her [car] onto the tracks and was stuck. Her vehicle would have been crushed if the man had not jumped in front of the train, stopping it.

*I’m actually not sure here . . . help!

The “It Scares Me” Approach To Urban Planning

East Village residents are going to great lengths to argue against bars operating in their neighborhood:

Death & Co., an upscale new nightspot that serves drinks and appetizers, has attracted glowing reviews and throngs of patrons since it opened at the beginning of January. But the bar and restaurant at 433 E. Sixth St. has also attracted sharp criticism from several neighbors and Community Board 3. In fact, with its ominous name and décor, Death & Co. actually has some neighbors scared, dredging up their worst nightmares — while other neighbors say their nights are literally haunted by the bar’s din.

. . .

. . . Members of Synagogue Anshe Meseritz, at 415 E. Sixth St., object to Death & Co.’s name and appearance.

The windowless bronze facade stands out from the surrounding buildings, and features 100-year-old cedar planks, cast-iron columns and a black flag. Inside, gold-flecked wallpaper catches light from chandeliers and candles, and a long mirror reflects plush booths and the bar’s marble countertop.

“We don’t need another bar on the block,” said Les Sussman, an Anshe Meseritz congregant who attended the meeting but has not been inside Death & Co. “We don’t need one with Nazi devil symbolism, [with a] gothic satanic door and a black flag flying.”

The facade looks like a boxcar used to transport Jews to concentration camps, Sussman said, and disturbs elderly synagogue members who survived the Holocaust.

“They don’t want to pass a place that is frightening,” he said.

“I have a Holocaust relative myself,” [Death & Co. owner David] Kaplan responded. “I am Jewish, and I never considered it offensive in that way.”

Death & Co.’s name comes from the title of a Prohibition propaganda poster, and “has nothing to do with anything dark or gothic, and nothing to do with death itself,” Kaplan said.

Dancing Not Protected Form Of Expression; Arthur Murray Weeps

A state appeals court ruled that dancing is more akin to yelling “fire” in a crowded theater:

As you head out this weekend to your trendy nightclubs and fund dive bars, be wary. The city’s ban on social dancing in bars, restaurants and certain clubs is legal, a state appeals court said yesterday.

The state Supreme Court’s Appellate Division ruled 5-0 that the city’s Cabaret Law, which was enacted in the Prohibition era and prohibits social or recreational dancing in all but specially licensed venues, is constitutional.

The Gotham West Coast Swing Club and several people filed a lawsuit complaining that because the city’s 80-year-old Cabaret Law barred them from dancing with other people, it illegally infringed on their right of free expression.

The plaintiffs also contended that the city’s application of zoning laws was arbitrary and capricious and deprived them of due process. They said they should be allowed to dance in any bar or restaurant they want to.

The appeals court disagreed, saying, “Recreational dancing is not a form of expression protected by the federal or state constitutions.”

. . .

Cenk Eryaman, a bartender at Fat Baby on Rivington Street, said though his bar has no cabaret license, it plays rock and hip-hop on the weekends.

“I don’t know what constitutes dancing, but people shake their assess,” he said.