Actually, I Think Most Agree That A Lowe’s Home Improvement Center Is Substantively Different Than A Terrorist Attack

Time was when you wanted to offensively overstate your case all you had were Nazis. Fortunately today we also have terrorists:

With its signature royal blue exterior, Mill Basin’s Lowe’s Home Improvement Center might one day look like any of the other hardware stores the company has dotted across the country.

But in the eyes of one state lawmaker, everything is not as it appears.

“Terrorists come in all shapes and sizes,” State Senator Carl Kruger told Lowe’s officials last week.

“This plan, in its very simplest form, is a terrorist attack on the Mill Basin community,” Kruger said at Community Board 18’s monthly meeting.

At the meeting, company officials, including Kevin Bulger, Lowe’s senior site development manager, and Deirdre Carson, its land use attorney for this project, got an earful.

“I know what an attack on a community is all about — I know what a stealth attack is,” Kruger said. “When you find a terrorist in your neighborhood . . . you deal with them.”

This War Is Going To Take Many Turns . . . And The Enemy Must Be Defeated On Every Battlefield

Those who block the box are indeed vile scum but is it really possible just to change the infraction from a “moving” to a “nonmoving” violation (they’re still moving, right?)? Or maybe no one cares* . . . this, as Hizzoner’s War on Congestion rolls along unimpeded:

Ticketing drivers who block intersections would become much easier under a plan announced yesterday by Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg as part of a broader attack on traffic congestion.

At the same time, Mayor Bloomberg announced that the city is adding 117 enforcement agents to direct traffic at busy intersections throughout the city.

Under the proposal to deter drivers from blocking an intersection, the infraction, now a moving violation, would be reclassified as a nonmoving violation to simplify issuing tickets, the mayor said. The change, which requires Albany approval, would allow traffic enforcement agents to issue tickets to be mailed later by entering a license plate number into a handheld device. Currently, only police officers and a small number of enforcement agents can issue summonses, which must be given out at the scene.

The new system would reduce the severity of the offense, which now carries a $90 fine and two points on a driver’s license. Under the new proposal, a driver would not incur points but would face a fine of $115. Authorizing all agents (there are currently 2,800) to issue tickets would sharply increase enforcement, officials said.

“One of the major causes of gridlock occurs when drivers decide to cross an intersection even though there is no room for them on the other side,” the mayor said at a Times Square news conference. With the changes, he added, “we’ll be able to increase the number of tickets we issue, which will ultimately discourage more people from breaking the law.”

*Q: Is that legal? A: Do I care?

City Blue Jay Population Threatened

But as for those pigeons and black birds, good riddance:

Four female Peregrine Falcon chicks have been found atop the Queens tower of the Throgs Neck Bridge, transit officials said yesterday.

Hatched about three weeks ago, the newborns are already feasting on pigeons, black birds, and blue jays about five times a day. Their talons have grown to nearly the size of a grown man’s hand.

An official with the Department of Environmental Protection yesterday climbed the 360-foot tower to tag the chicks.

Peregrine falcons, which are on the endangered list in New York, have made a comeback in recent years. About 32 now live in the city.

The falcons mimic their natural habitat of high cliffs by nesting atop bridges, church steeples, and high-rise buildings, wildlife experts said. The last falcons born on the Throgs Neck bridge hatched in the 1980s.

Location Scout: Throgs Neck Bridge.

But “Neurolaw” Sounded So Good When They Explained It On Fresh Air!

By the way, that trendy “neurolaw”-based defense turned out to fail in the end:

The jury in State Supreme Court in Manhattan rejected the defense argument that [douchebag] was delusional and so mentally ill that he lacked the intent to commit a crime.

He was convicted of 10 counts of kidnapping, burglary, robbery and sexual abuse — every charge against him except arson. He faces 25 years to life in prison on the most serious charge, kidnapping, at his sentencing, set for next month.

The verdict, which came after the jury had deliberated for barely four hours, was an uncommonly swift finish to a three-week trial. The jury began considering the charges about 12:30 p.m. and sent a note announcing its verdict to Justice Thomas Farber at 4:23 p.m.

Postgame recap: Mychal Judge Was A Hero To Most But He Never Meant Shit To Pete, Sunday Times Magazine Sets Up Peter Braunstein Defense, God Help Me If The Post Ever Notices My Hair, Leaving Brooklyn? Fuhgeddaboudit! They Do That?

Ingrates

Once people find out that you live in a four-bedroom apartment on Central Park West, they travel from far and wide to visit and are reluctant to leave:

A pair of unwanted house guests ambushed and beat their host in Central Park after she told them to get packing, law-enforcement sources said yesterday.

Vivian Gonzalez, 21, and Alan Reid, 22, had been staying with Amanda Nuñez in her four-bedroom apartment at 86th Street and Central Park West.

When she finally told them to leave, they hatched a scheme to humiliate her, cops said. A third man, Jason Grant, lured Nuñez to Central Park at 3:35 a.m. last Thursday, where Gonzalez and Reid waited.

Gonzalez allegedly beat Nuñez in the knee with a baseball bat, forced her to strip and stole her purse, law-enforcement sources said.

How that would have forestalled the pair from leaving seems a little unclear . . .