The Pen Might Not Be Mightier Than The Sword, But It Can Still Smart

In a media-obsessed city, this sort of fetish seems almost natural*:

A UPS manager was arrested for delivering cash to a teenage girl who fulfilled his sick sexual fetish by letting him prod her with a ballpoint pen, authorities said yesterday.

Prosecutors said Frank Ranieri, 25, of Ashton Drive on Staten Island, sometimes posed as a cop to win the trust of high-school girls in front of whom he would masturbate after “puncturing their buttocks” with a pin or a pen, according to a criminal complaint.

Although Ranieri was arrested for sexually assaulting only one of the girls, a 17-year-old, prosecutors said the deranged delivery man carried on with at least four other high school students, including one who was 15.

“Several thousand dollars have been laid out for these acts,” said Wanda DeOliveira, a prosecutor for the Staten Island district attorney.

DeOliveira said that starting in 2003, Ranieri used money and a promise of paper routes to target girls at Tottenville HS.

Cops said his latest victim was assaulted numerous times over two weeks in April, during which he paid her at least $500.

The victim suffered bleeding, bruising and substantial pain, according to officials.

Ranieri was busted after one of the girls came forward to cops.

Or is this an “I have a gub” moment? The Daily News seems to have heard it differently:

A former NYPD recruit told investigators he got pleasure out of paying underage girls on Staten Island to pierce their flesh with pins, law enforcement sources said yesterday.

Frank Ranieri, 25, was arraigned in Staten Island Criminal Court on charges of second-degree assault as a sexually motivated crime, authorities said.

“He said he liked to see the pins go through muscle and flesh,” a police source said. “A sexual deviant. He didn’t see much wrong with it.”

*In fact, I’m surprised this wasn’t included in Peter B.’s all-you-can-eat buffet.

God, I Sure Hope The Highlight Of My Summer Isn’t Lauren Ambrose’s Juliet*

If it’s summer, it must mean that another New York tradition is here — calling out sick and waiting in line for seven hours to watch television actors slum it in the park:

An annual ritual for New Yorkers started yesterday as hundreds flocked to Central Park to wait hours for free tickets to Shakespeare in the Park.

The line started at 5:10 a.m., when Luis Reyes arrived nearly 8 hours before the box office opened to sell tickets to “Romeo and Juliet,” which opened last night and will run through July 1.

Like many, Mr. Reyes, who confessed that he had called in sick to work, spread out a small blanket outside the Delacorte Theater. Many brought sleeping bags, yoga mats, and lawn chairs to make life on line more comfortable. Others came prepared with thermoses and snacks as if they were tailgating at a football game or rock concert.

One person in line, Paula Kim, ordered food from a nearby deli and had it delivered to her.

Tickets to Shakespeare in the Park, which runs through September 9, are a coveted item, but require someone to stand in line on the day of the performance. While that might seem a tricky feat for New Yorkers with tight schedules, there is never a shortage of people who figure out a way.

One stay-at-home mom, Alecia Hadden, organized a group of about a dozen other mothers, who all brought their children to stand in line. Ms. Hadden ensured that waiting in line was a fun social event with the reward of free tickets at the end. It has become “the highlight of the summer,” she said.

*Or Camryn Manheim as her nurse, for that matter!

Keep Frank Gehry’s Pervy Hands Off My Child’s Swingset

In a city preoccupied with buildings, this does nothing to diminish the overinflated cult of the starchitect:

Renowned architect Frank Gehry, famous for experimenting with novel building materials and exploding the boundaries of form, has signed on with the city to design a 1-acre playground near the Battery Park Ferry Terminal on the southernmost tip of Manhattan.

Mr. Gehry, whose whimsical-looking concert halls and titanium-covered art museums are cultural landmarks, has agreed to work for free on what will be his first urban playground design. “People are asking us what it’s going to look like,” the parks commissioner, Adrian Benepe, said in an interview. “He said he doesn’t even know what it will look like yet.”

. . .

The city hopes to begin construction on the playground late next year, Mr. Benepe said, and expects the space to be open for use in 2009.

“Given the way he has exploded the concept of what performance arts buildings will look like, it certainly will be interesting,” Mr. Benepe said.

Another renowned architect, David Rockwell, is also working pro bono to design a playground near the South Street Seaport.

“Any prominent architect that wants to volunteer their time — we’d love to do it,” Mayor Bloomberg told reporters yesterday.

Gay Marriage As Economic Generator

There are many reasons to support gay marriage but “increasing tourism revenue” is one of the weaker ones*:

Legalizing same-sex marriage in New York would be a monetary match made in heaven for the city and the state, city Comptroller William Thompson said yesterday.

His report found that allowing gay and lesbian couples to marry could yield $142 million in economic benefits for the city within three years and, on a net basis, add about $184 million in spending to the state’s economy. Thompson said the money would primarily derive from residents and visitors spending for their big day, as well as expenditures for their out-of-town guests.

“Overall, it is clear that contrary to some anti-equality arguments, marriage equality would in fact result in economic benefits to New York City and New York state in both the short- and long-term,” Thompson said. “New York City and New York state are losing money right now by not moving forward.”

Thompson said other potential outcomes of legalizing same-sex marriage could also include lower recruiting costs for local firms and an expanded pool of qualified candidates. Greater economic security from marriage may also lead to more couples buying homes, generating additional tax revenue.

Using Massachusetts as a guide, Thompson estimated that 51 percent of same-sex couples statewide would marry if given the opportunity. Within three years of legalization, Thompson estimated more than 56,000 couples would travel from out of state to marry in New York, resulting in spending of about $137 million. New York City, meanwhile, would receive an estimated $175 million boost to its economy during those first three years, largely from hotels.

*Question: Does the City Comptroller’s staff really sit around coming up with economic reasons to support gay marriage (What, is the Public Advocate busy or something? Just kidding!) and if yes, then tourism is all they could come up with?

Hey, Bisexuals Exist!

The Post reports that the first openly bisexual person since David Bowie will be representing the Upper East Side in the State Assembly:

An aide to City Comptroller William Thompson became the first openly bisexual member of the state Legislature last night after defeating his Republican opponent in a special election.

Micah Kellner, a Democrat, took 64 percent of the vote to Republican Gregory Camp’s 36.

Kellner, 28, a top aide to Thompson, has also worked for Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-Manhattan).

“We campaigned on the issues and I really think that’s what voters responded to,” Kellner said.

The special election in the 65th Assembly District — which covers the Upper East Side and Roosevelt Island — fills a seat held for 33 years by Democrat Pete Grannis, who now heads the state Department of Environmental Conservation. There are currently four openly gay members serving in the Legislature.

We’re still waiting for a statement from Sean Delonas, assuming he knows the difference between gay and bisexual.