OK, Well Whatever Chancellor Helmut Un-Kohl . . .

The bicycle helmet industry wins by making fashion victims out of hyper-manly bicycle messengers:

A new bike safety law takes effect today requiring delivery workers to wear helmets on the job, and members of the city’s bike messenger community are in a spin.

“[Wearing a helmet is] something that’s not cool. You look kind of dumb,” said Carlos Ramirez, 32, a 12-year messenger veteran and a Team Puma racer. “I really don’t want to wear a helmet, but I will.”

Ramirez began wearing a helmet last month, motivated by the law and a friend who hit his head in a bike accident. The new law mandates employers provide head gear, but Ramirez didn’t want just any helmet.

“I got a really beautiful $200 helmet worn by [cyclists] in the Tour de France,” he said. “It’s really light, so you don’t really feel it.”

Some messengers don’t care about the $25 to $50 fines. Employers failing to provide helmets could pay up to $250.

“It should be your choice,” said messenger Scott “Ham” Hamilton, 36. “It’s not like you’re on a motorcycle. You’re not going that fast.”

He’s no stranger to accidents in his 13 years on the job. He estimates having hit more than 100 jaywalkers.

“I’ve never seen a jaywalker get a ticket, but when they cross, they don’t look,” he said. “But I’ve got to wear a helmet?”

He wore a helmet once “to make my grandmother happy.” He doesn’t plan to start wearing one now.

Then again, shouldn’t they be a little more worried about the fact that these guys ride around without brakes?

Don’t We Need A New Name Now That The Actual Times Has Moved Over To Eighth Avenue?

The best way to answer criticism that Times Square has become too Disney-fied is to own it:

An MTA board member yesterday suggested turning to Mickey Mouse’s deep-pocketed owner — which transformed seedy Times Square into America’s backyard — to save straphangers from the doom and gloom of a 2008 fare hike.

Perhaps Disney would pay big bucks for some sort of control or advertising rights to the Times Square subway station, suggested MTA board member Norman Seabrook.

“I would rather try to sell 42nd St.’s subway system underground to Disney for $60 million a year and have them paint it any way that they want to paint it,” Seabrook said at a Metropolitan Transportation Authority board meeting.

“They spend $100 million for one minute to be on the Super Bowl on a Sunday. I think that they would spend X amount of dollars in rent for that terminal.”

If the MTA is going to consider a fare hike, Seabrook said, officials must “look at different areas of raising funds” to at least lessen the burden of an increase on riders.

Seabrook’s pitch got amused smiles from other board members, and Mayor Bloomberg dismissed it as a Mickey Mouse idea.

“Disney has a great presence in Times Square. It’s a great brand name, but let’s get serious,” Bloomberg said.

There’s Some Local Color For You

The Advance reports that Staten Island tinting technicians will be devastated by politicians clamoring for a crackdown on tinted windows:

The trade in illegally tinted windows — a goldmine for Staten Island’s auto shops — is now in the crosshairs of politicians who are demanding a crackdown and harsher fines for businesses that cater to both style-conscious drivers and those who perhaps have something to hide.

At a press conference in Manhattan, Public Advocate Betsy Gotbaum and Councilman Peter Vallone Jr. (D-Queens) proposed a state-mandated check on window tint during the annual safety inspections that all New York City drivers must have to legally drive their cars.

. . .

According to New York state law, tints must admit at least 70 percent of available light into the vehicle, but some popular tinting shops in the borough, like Little Vick’s Automotive Toy Store in Eltingville, weren’t even aware of the limit.

“I don’t know if it’s 70 percent,” said John LoPorto, a technician at Little Vick’s.

When asked if he was worried about the legality of the shop’s tinting venture, he replied: “There are no receipts, it just works out for us.”

. . .

Christopher St. Peter, a bookkeeper at General Auto Glass in Elm Park, expressed confusion as to the legality of his newly opened tinting operation.

“My brother takes care of tinting, and he only carries sheets for the legal limit. If somebody comes in and asks for more tint, though, we just apply another layer. Is that illegal?”

The Easiest Sister Souljah Moment Ever

Maybe there are some people left in the world who would accept the premise that Council Speaker Christine Quinn represents the tyranny of The Man. Who exactly that would be, I have no idea:

In a move sure to be remembered during her expected run for mayor, the speaker of the City Council, Christine Quinn, cracked down yesterday on a fired council aide, Viola Plummer, barring her from the council chamber floor, with police on hand to enforce the rule.

A defiant Plummer and the council member she worked for as chief of staff, Charles Barron, left the chamber after three police officers and four security guards moved in on them before the official portion of the meeting.

Mr. Barron, a former Black Panther, rolled up his sleeves and stood as a buffer between Plummer and the police before she agreed to walk out. As he strode from the chamber with Plummer, Mr. Barron called out, “Christine, you’ll never be mayor.”

Reporters and television cameras swarmed the pair, who stopped on the steps of the rotunda of City Hall to say the ejection was racist and reminiscent of segregationist policies.

“This was a selective enforcement of the law so that they can continue the harassment, the retaliation, and the discrimination against not Viola Plummer and Charles Barron, but black people in general,” Mr. Barron said. “This is another form of Jim Crow-ism. They want us to sit in the back of the bus, in the balcony, anytime you are an assertive black, and that’s the problem in City Hall.” Plummer, who appeared visibly shaken by the standoff, said it should make no difference where she sits during a council meeting. What Ms. Quinn “thought she could do, and what she almost did, was to provoke me,” Plummer said. “I have a history, I have a history, of dealing with the likes of Christine Quinn.”

In Other Places They May Beat Up A Parent Or Two; In Queens We Bypass All That

You could call it criminal, but really, there’s no shame in simply defending your team:

Anthony Macchirole, a coach for the Midville Dodgers, is charged with assaulting a teenaged player on a team the Middle Village squad was competing against at Juniper Valley Park.

According to a source close to the case against him, Macchirole had gotten involved in an altercation with teen Robert Inzerillo, an opposing team’s base runner, during a July 12th home game at Juniper Park at about 8:10PM.

According the Queens District Attorney’s Office, Inzerillo apparently collided with Midville’s catcher on a play in which it appeared he was going to be tagged out. In retaliation, Macchirole threw him to the ground, causing him to injure his knee.

. . .

. . . [A]nother coach for the Midville Dodgers, who asked not to be identified by name, claimed what happened at the July 12th game did not constitute any big deal. “There was a collision at home plate,” he said. “There was no ‘incident.'”