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I Can’t Believe This Is New York City!

New York should really have its own county fair, with an agricultural competition:

A Queens woman has taken homegrown fruits and vegetables to a whole new level by cultivating a 6-foot-long zucchini in her backyard.

Green-fingered Apollonia Castitlione grew the giant Long Italian zucchini during the warm summer months using nothing more than fertilizer, water and a little TLC.

“I’ve had my vegetable garden for 26 years, but I never saw anything so spectacular,” said Castitlione, who’s 5 feet tall. “I didn’t put Miracle Grow on it, nothing, just a little bit of 5-10-5 fertilizer, water and my time.”

Castitlione, 48, said she noticed the giant fruit was growing longer than usual last month when it suddenly shot up a couple of inches in as many days.

She then went on vacation to Boston for the weekend and returned to find it had shot up another 1.5 inches.

At last count, the zucchini was just over 6 feet . . .

Posted: September 4th, 2008 | Filed under: Huzzah!, Queens

See What Happens When You Don’t Follow “The Rules”?

You attract the wrong kind of guys:

Cops say a New Jersey man wooed a 30-year-old woman from New Dorp Beach online, but then, after she paid for lunch at the end of their date, stole her credit card.

Jared W. Winans, 28, of Old Tappan, is accused of using the card to make about $100 in purchases in New Jersey and Massachusetts.

The ill-fated date started on May 21, and ended at about 12:30 p.m. the next day at the Applebee’s restaurant in New Dorp, according to court papers.

She paid the check, though it’s unclear if the two ever went on a second date, a law enforcement source said.

A few days later, the woman noticed her credit card missing, and filed a report. The investigation led to Winans, who made several small purchases a day after the date, the source said.

The NYPD’s Internal Affairs Bureau got involved not long after, the source said, because Winans puffed up his dating résumé by falsely claiming to be a cop.

Posted: September 4th, 2008 | Filed under: Jerk Move, Law & Order, Staten Island

This Certainly Changes My Sunbathing Habits

But seriously, is there anyone on Staten Island who doesn’t understand what calamari is? I’m shocked:

When Jeanmarie Ritger’s 10-year-old daughter swims with friends in the family’s backyard pool in Dongan Hills, the children are captured on a video camera posted on a neighbor’s roof.

There is nothing Ms. Ritger can do about the unwanted surveillance of her yard, her life and her daughter, say officials.

That’s because the camera is not trained on her bedroom or bathroom window — places where New York law says a person has a reasonable expectation of privacy and such surveillance would be illegal.

“I’m stuck and I’m very uncomfortable and I’m concerned,” Ms. Ritger, an elementary school teacher, said during a recent interview in her yard under the watchful eye of her neighbor’s camera. “When does surveilling someone’s property become an invasion of someone else’s privacy?”

Not when it’s in a homeowner’s back, side or front yard.

Ms. Ritger’s video-taping neighbors defended their rooftop camera, saying they are protecting their yard and in-ground pool, not spying. They accuse Ms. Ritger and her brother, who lives in the house next-door, of throwing worms, berries and calamari (squid) into their pool over the last few years. Ms. Ritger has flatly denied those claims, calling them “ridiculous.”

“It’s watching my yard and her yard,” the neighbor, Peter Malvagna, said of his camera. “It’s legal and I can’t get in trouble for it.”

. . .

William Smith, a spokesman for the Richmond County District Attorney Daniel Donovan, said the Staten Island office was the first to win a felony conviction in the state under Stephanie’s Law. A retired firefighter was convicted here in 2004 of secretly recording his girlfriend’s teen-age daughter undressing in his home.

Before the enactment in 2003 of Stephanie’s Law, which was created after a Long Island woman was secretly recorded by her landlord undressing in her apartment, there were even fewer protections from prying eyes.

“In plain language, New York State law defines unlawful surveillance as recording someone, without their permission, at a place and time when a person has a reasonable expectation of privacy, specifically a place where a person believes he or she could disrobe in privacy. This law has not been interpreted to cover the outside of a residence, especially in an urban or suburban environment like Staten Island,” said Smith.

Posted: September 3rd, 2008 | Filed under: Dude, That's So Weird, Followed By A Perplexed Stroke Of The Chin, Need To Know, Staten Island

Hey Self-Absorbed Asshole, Could You Possibly Have One Lousy Minute To Spare For The Children?

After a summer of being spurned daily by people who, frankly, don’t have the time to consider the environment, “dialoguers” try a different tactic — negging:

They spot you as you’re walking near Union Square on your lunch hour. Two impossibly fresh-faced, college-age canvassers with clipboards station themselves at either end of the block. They’re facing each other, so that no pedestrian heading in either direction can escape the trap they’ve set on this sunny summer afternoon.

As you approach them, you do what you can to pretend not to notice. You adjust the headphones of your MP3 player as a way of advertising that you can’t hear anything lower than the sound of an airplane engine. Or you pull the celebrity trick — holding a cell phone up to one ear, even though you’re not really on a call. And whatever you do, you don’t make eye contact.

But there’s no way you’re escaping the pitch.

“Got a minute for the environment?”

Or . . .

“Got a minute for gay rights?”

Or . . .

“Got a minute for the ACLU?”

And despite your evasions, you just can’t keep going, because the canvasser — who is younger and lither than you — has pounced into your path with the quickness of a jungle cat and is staring at you with an expectant, disarming smile.

. . .

It’s noon, it’s over 90 degrees, and Garth Mramor, late of Buffalo and Colorado University, overtakes a woman before she has time to run away. With sweat dripping down his ruddy face, he stares into her eyes and delivers his pitch at breakneck speed, knowing that he has only seconds to get it all out.

“Hi-my-name-is-Garth-and-I’m-from-Children-International-and-we’re-trying-to-help-children-in-poverty. Children-in-abject-poverty. There-are-kids-dying-every-day- because-they-don’t-have-something-as-silly-as-food-and-water. I-mean-even-a-bum-in-New-York-can-have-two-meals-a-day!”

Despite the fact that his breathless spiel is all monologue, Garth’s job title is “dialoguer.” It’s a term coined by an Austrian company known as the Dialogue Group, which helped to develop this brand of street confrontation and brought it to U.S. cities a few years ago with a subsidiary called Dialogue Direct.

Garth pauses to catch his breath and then whips out a laminated picture of his own sponsored child, an innocent-looking boy sitting in a hut thatched with palm fronds. The location, he says, is the Dominican Republic. He checks to see whether he still has the attention of the woman in front of him. He does, but then realizes he’s talking to a reporter.

“Children are dying and you’re wasting my time!” he says, scowling. Mramor drops the laminated photograph back into his duffel bag. He doesn’t apologize for seeming rude. “Being nice doesn’t work,” says the irritated college student. “I signed up two people today by being an asshole, and I’ll continue to do that. Have a nice day.”

Posted: September 3rd, 2008 | Filed under: Cultural-Anthropological, Grrr!

Wow, Old People Are Weird

In other news, some snotnose at the Post thinks 66 is “elderly”:

A group of elderly tenants has won a court order blocking their landlord from installing windows in their rent-stabilized Lincoln Square apartments — even though the windows would give them sweeping, much-coveted views of the park.

“I’m not terribly interested in looking at Central Park or the East Side,” said Ned O’Gorman, one of the four tenants who turned up their nose at the offer.

The poet and his cronies had filed suit to stop their landlord, the Church of Latter-Day Saints, from ripping out the walls in their one-bedroom apartments and replacing them with windows.

“Plaintiffs argue that they would be severely and irreparably damaged by the removal of the wall and by the dust, fumes, noise and vibrations,” Judge Michael Stallman wrote.

He signed off on their bid for a preliminary order barring the landlord from doing work on their apartments, finding the changes were purely cosmetic and not a “necessary repair.”

The landlord’s lawyer, Seth Denenberg, said the window installation between the 22nd and 37th floors was part of a massive rehab of 60 W. 66th St., designed to transform the tower into a “premium building.”

When work is finally completed, the plaintiffs’ four units — all on different floors — will be the only ones without the floor-to-ceiling windows.

The four tenants all said they had good reason to block the construction.

Abraham Cherney is 87 and gets kidney dialysis several times a week.

Former model and dancer Laima Drobavicius has severe allergies, and both said they would “suffer potentially life threatening health consequences” if forced to stay in their apartments during construction.

Donald Stone, 66, said the windows would cost him a wall that’s “now covered by antiques, books and watercolors,” and the construction and sunlight would “endanger his valuable belongings.”

Posted: September 3rd, 2008 | Filed under: Follow The Money, Manhattan, Real Estate
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