Your Tautology-In-Chief

I guess Popeye meant that he is something along the lines of the healthy spinach he mainlined but fuck if I understand what it means when the mayor says he is what he is. I suppose that’s considered “tough” or something?

Have You Ever Tried To Put A Condom On A Steamroller?

Ew. Ew. Ew:

“He was one of my more consistent bargainers,” said Kristin Davis, who ran a high-priced prostitution ring in Manhattan.

Davis, 32, who wrote a book about her years running the $5 million business, said Spitzer was a regular customer when he was governor and attorney general, and would pay $800 to $1,200 an hour for dates — the lower end of the scale, which went up to $2,500.

Davis also detailed what she called Spitzer’s aversion to condoms, saying it got him banned in 2006.

In an excerpt from her book, published in the April issue of Penthouse magazine, Davis said Spitzer, who called himself James, was “too aggressive” in trying to avoid using protection, prompting complaints.

“He’d be a real weasel about it, too,” Davis wrote. “After the begging, pleading and commanding didn’t work, James would pretend to relent, only to change to another approach.”

When she confronted him, Davis recalled Monday, he lost his temper.

“He started yelling at me and I said, ‘That’s the kind of aggression I’m talking about,'” she said.

Still, were it not for the Emperors Club we wouldn’t have the best Slate columnist ever; he’s a much better as a commentator than he was as a governor. Thank you, Alexandra Dupre!

And I’m Not Going To Take It Anymore . . . Except That There Are Few Options Across The East River

He’s like Howard Beale without the pipes, a nasally Howard Beale . . . unbecoming of a gazillionaire:

Subway and bus riders need to get “mad as hell” at state lawmakers stalling a plan that would prevent crippling fare hikes and debilitating service cuts, Mayor Bloomberg said today.

“When you see what’s going to happen to your commuting costs you should call your state legislators and say, ‘I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more,'” Bloomberg suggested.

Finally, Some Good News

Though I’m always upset when I see anthropomorphized food demanding that they be drenched in condiments and eaten, this is hometown talent we’re talking about:

A talented artist at P.S. 20 The Bowne School in Flushing has made it past roughly 45,000 budding Rembrandts to be one of only 36 finalists in a national design contest for food giant H.J. Heinz Company, featuring cash and other prizes for the winners and their schools.

The company had a saucy idea — the “Heinz Ketchup Creativity Contest” for school kids from first grade to high school seniors to design new artwork for single-serving packets of Heinz Ketchup.

Of the multitude of entries just from New York, Melissa Rueda, a student at the school located at 142-30 Barclay Avenue in Flushing, is one of three fifth-grade finalists.

Her proposed product art shows a smiling bottle of the name-brand ketchup, being held aloft by a crowd of happy french fries.

Cracker Jack Stocks Fall On News Of Demise Of Last Remaining Bastions Of Crappy Ballpark Food

Mets fans* no longer can poke fun at San Francisco for its sushi, Arizona for its crudite platter or Seattle for its grilled salmon (on an organic roll) now that Citi Field is serving pulled-pork sandwiches on brioche buns:

As 6,000 construction workers have been feverishly toiling in advance of the April 13 opening, the restaurateur Danny Meyer has been refining the batting order for the ballpark’s signature food offerings.

Mr. Meyer’s Union Square Hospitality Group runs six fine-dining restaurants, a jazz club and two hamburger stands, but has never gone outside Manhattan. Now, in Flushing, Queens, his nonunion company will partner with the corporate behemoth Aramark, whose concession workers are represented by Local 153 in Manhattan.

“I’ve been thinking about this my whole life, and I know what I want at a ballpark,” Mr. Meyer said.

Some of the things he wants are pulled-pork sandwiches on brioche buns ($9), steamed corn on the cob with mayonnaise, cotija and a dusting of cayenne ($3.50), “dog bites” (Kosher hot dogs coated in matzo meal with brown mustard for $11), spare ribs seasoned with Kansas City rub ($10) and shrimp rolls — using a Martin’s potato roll — with shoestring potatoes ($14).

. . .

And for the ticket holders with lower budgets, Mr. Meyer will operate a terrace-cum-food court in left-center field called Taste of the City. There will be menu items from his existing franchises like Shake Shack and Blue Smoke, in addition to offerings from two new concepts: El Verano Taqueria (fresh tacos) and Box Frites (fresh-cut Belgian fries with dipping sauces).

(And don’t forget “Asian noodles” at New Yankee Stadium.)

*Excepting Peter Meehan, who waxed rhapsodic about the Laurent-Perrier Champagne at AT&T Park last summer.

Location Scout: Citi Field.